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Original poster

Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/04/2019 21:48

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:09

In the main bathroom we had a purple, oval, sunken bath. It was huge, like in Scarface. Surrounding this bath was deep, deep pile fuchsia carpet. Also in the bathroom were mirror tiles and a rattan hanging basket chair. There were spider plants hanging in macrame plant holders.

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Gettingnowhere · 07/04/2019 10:11

I was almost impressed until I realised the spiders were only plants

pineapplecore · 07/04/2019 10:15

Have you guessed who i am yet? Grin

thislido · 07/04/2019 10:16

Don’t spoil it pineappple, you make such a great troll.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:17

Dangly hurrah!

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thislido · 07/04/2019 10:17

Getting, I go down your road sometimes, I’d pop in for tea if it wasn’t for the no visitors rule.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:18

I knew DT couldn't stay away!

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:21

I wish we could make money out of Thighland irl. Imagine getting rich by enjoying yourself.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:25

Re displaying our wit on other threads, I'm always shocked that it doesn't go down better. Every time, i think they're all determined to be miserable.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:31

Oxycontin I'm interested in you being a Doctor and how you insist on your mum addressing you by your full title. Are you a medical doctor? Could you assist with our organ harvesting venture? It's going well but so far the only surgical instruments we have are a bucket, a spoon and a pritt stick. We're still waiting for feedback but no one returns to comment on the surgery.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:41

Project au contraire. I think the residents of Serene Hills need me more than others. Liven things up with graffiti and belief driving.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:44

I've realised where i went wrong in life. You know how Oxycontin has Doctor on her birth certificate? Well i should have Captain Mainwaring on mine. If everyone used my full title every time they addressed me i would behave better as an officer and gentleman.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:47

Thislido everyone goes down Project's road, that's the problem. It's built on one of the meridians on the M25. She got a loft extension so she could eyeball the lorry drivers in their cabs from her cupola.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 10:59

Re the mums' net made from pubes. Don't forget Pooter has first dibs on our bucket of pubes and arse hair, she's been suffering from baldness since 1943.

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CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 11:13

Glad you remembered thigh It's been quite a chilly winter so I want to be better insulated for A/W 19/20.

Hey I'm the one who puts Dr on DDs birthday cards. oxygen are you on here to stalk me? You've already shut me down on Twitter (sadface)

thislido · 07/04/2019 13:16

I thought we’d alread made her a cosy merkin and bumkin. We must set the Thighland spiders to work.

Nowaypast · 07/04/2019 13:23

One of you has infiltrated my domain. Firstly there was a massive spider in my kitchen sink this morning. Secondly, the teatowel thief has escalated and moved on to my very expensive Lakeland draining pad.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 13:25

No I think it could be us who are in danger from you. What is a tea towel and what is a draining pad? Are they loaded?

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ProjectGainsborough · 07/04/2019 13:33

Free time is not good for me. Too much time to reflect that I am halfway through my life, I haven’t achieved the things I wanted to achieve, my face is melting and when I’m gone, all of the things around me, the buildings and trees will just carry on as if I was never here. WIBU to lie on the floor and cry and cry?

ProjectGainsborough · 07/04/2019 13:33

Ps I’m in Aldi

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 14:01

Project don't be silly, you are very clever and funny. As you're in Aldi i suggest you stock up on a lot of Aldi brand alcohol, snax, bubble bath and more snax. Buy a family size box of chox for yourself and sit in a glass box eating them disdainfully in case anyone wants you to share.

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CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 14:04

project they're used to it in Aldi, they'll just step over you. Try sobbing on the floor of a yacht selling emporium, maybe some lonely millionaire will take pity on you. PS can recommend good yacht insurance thanks to MN spying on me.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 14:04

Plus, top tip from me, watch a lot of TV in languages you have no hope of ever understanding. It's impossible to read subtitles and dwell at the same time.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 14:07

Don't Aldi deliver? Why enter shops when nice Polish men can just bring what you want to your door. That's what's wrong Project you accidentally went shopping.

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CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 14:08

Noway I second the query re draining pad. Is this a "dish ran away with the spoon" scenario? Are you, indeed Mother Hubbard ?