Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

Pooter ENOUGH!! You know what you're like! You get carried away and start talking about curtains and sewing, unless you're sewing organs into me there'll be no sewing talk.

Loose lips sink ships, you know that.

Well I'm not doing it again, it was a right faff, and anyway I think it's that dastardly Getting again!

I will flash my fanny here instead:

Pooter have you got a picture of me as well?

Dangly I appreciate your song very much but I'm shocked to the core that you think I'd poach your pineapple ...

Ps is it acceptable in thighland to giggle at your own puns?

Sorry thigh (bows head)

I've only just learned how to upload photos, I'm like a child with a new toy!!

I promise to be good.

I have never been a fruit of any type on Mumsnet. I was once a coconut on Netmums, but that's different

They used to call me Mr Banana but that was understandable. Oh how we'd laugh.

Dangly just this once.

Why is being preserved in aspic not one of the acceptable ways to deal with remains? If you’re buried or cremated there’s always a risk that you aren’t really dead and you wake up just as the earth / fire starts to hit the casket. With aspic if you weren’t dead you could just eat your way out.

Noway I'm sorry, i get insecure sometimes as per below:

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn bum hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of bum
Your voice is soft like a silent fart,
And I cannot compete with you, Noway

Right who the fuck is pineapple? Is it reg?

No we've absolutely embraced laughing at our own jokes - for 6/7/8 threads.

Pooter why thank you for posting that fetching likeness!

I am indeed a lovely looking lady!

Nice tits dangly

I think Pablo dreamed thighland but nobody understood.

Why thank you Project

In one long bumhair string I wound
Three times her huge fanny around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
She had a large glass that holds gin,
I warily oped her flaps: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a brain.

No need to be insecure Dangly - I've already inferred from my brief residency in thighland that you are able to fire all manner of household appliances out of your vagina at a velocity I can only dream of. When can I have Mr Dirty Faeces?

Punters with Dirty Faeces.......waa waaa you dirty rat

Oh thank you Noway I am especially super with expelling rugby balls from my vag!

You can just have him now actually:

thigh stop writing poems about murdering me!

Is he broken though DT? Now that you've got the ick and are bored of him.

I broke of some bit's of him thigh but he still works!

Wait! I haven't bought new padlocks for the cellar yet. Although I guess he could sleep in the garden for tonight. Have you an instruction manual you can send with him?

• bits