Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

Pooter what do you mean "another thread if you fancy one*? Pooter I've died, run away to other threads, everything. Thighland takes hold and you can never survive without it again.

Wonderful thigh - we march on to victory!

Who's there? I'm like Stevie Wonder here, i don't know what to do with myself without dear Dangly the fanny flasher and Getting the bane of my life. I'll have to go murdering on my belone.

I'm here! I don't know where here is anymore, but I am present

It's just you and me kid, what shall i do without DT, my Boswell.

Why has DT got a life? It's not necessary, is she trying to impress someone? Other than us.

We're letting standards slip Thigh. Seems there are newcomers who don't know the fine art of husband disposal. We also fed the husbands to pigs, then fed the pigs to Elsa, our pet lion. Perfectly environmentally friendly and gets rid of forensiz
The plastic sheeting has always been a bit debatable.
If anyone comes across a Fuckboy named Stupendous Steve, stay away. Do not be drawn in by his stupendous appendage. Wanky Wayne is a safer option

Is it really just us again Thigh? Can we have a private moment?

I have been left behind. I cannot find any of you. Has there been a catastrophe and I am the last woman lying?
Am I dead?
No, brackets would appear if I were dead...what has happened?
I need to rest.
I need help. Are all the fuckboys dead too?
Has a spell been cast?

We haven't sung Born Free or fondled Naked's queue for ages. I have had my milk stolen again so it means Elsa the lion is close.

You're Alive! such relief.
There was an awful smell that worried me at first but that was just me.
Where have Dangly and Getting gone?
Why did they get gone?

I've been working really hard on hiding my revulsion for you Getting. Sniffing bleach to deaden my sense of smell so i don't gag so much when we're together. I hope you appreciate it.

I've still have my telescope out at night to see Naked's Queue in the sky. Uranus shines beautifully just before the crack of dawn

Getting hasn't gone.
Nothing is making sense.
No, it's just me that's not making sense.
I've reverse improved so much I have lost all skillz of comprehension.
I'm going for an emergency lie down.

lad we are conserving energy until the final stages of the thread...then it's no holds barred!

Lad i was having a pre-nap lie in and suspected there was rain somewhere so stayed in bed.

Getting has been on a forenzix course and DT is drying out and showing her bucket fanny around schools as a cautionary whale.

Hi LadDead. I'm still here. I got lobotomied by Dangly on the last thread and took a few days to recover. Before that, I won a duel against Thigh. She'll claim she won, but she didn't.

The awful smell you were smelling must have been the bleach Thigh was sniffing. We usually only use bleach in this place for our bumholes

OMT!! There's a thread in AIBU saying "shall I divorce my husband because he sleeps too much?"

How fucking hilarious, wtaf is "sleeps too much"?

Getting the bleach is for bombz - our bumholes are unbleached and we're marketing BumTips - crayons for bumholes. Reg is making them to sell on S&B.

OMT! I almost considered "marriage" again then.

Speaking of "men" and "marriage", I saw Mr Shit yesterday when I took a wrong turn on Elsa and ended up behind the Tesco. He was very happily watching the check out girls self-service

I was there during the high energy duel Getting it was far too exciting.
No, awful smell is my crotch.
I smell of truffles, not the Thorntons kind.
I am cultivating truffles under my slanket as treats for my porcine friends.

Excellent that we've found another use for crayons. I've already made MOT certificates for the next 634 years and was wondering what else I could colour in. I made some for flying cars as well, because I thought we might have those in the future

I saw that pop up in Trending. Surely that's the ideal kind of husband, it's just like he's dead but no need to dispose of the body. As long as he feeds himself. I don't like to abase myself with AIBU but I assume she was skivvying about after him and wanted company or something.

We really are becoming very industrious. We're going to have to be careful not to stray into the world of "work" shudderz

Lad we could sell those truffles, we need the money for our war chest and so that Project can give up her career as Theresa May. She's so unhappy what with her shit house and child who I personally love but who is ferocious and a budding crime lord. We have to help Project, she's suffering, she keeps getting promoted.