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AIBU?

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Original poster

Drink & visiting

369 replies

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 19:32

So I have 2 x dgc, I try to visit monthly as they live over 100 miles away & I stay overnight in a hotel close by so I dont have to cause to much of an upheaval to a busy household.. when I do visit. I am never offered a drink,or any food, even if I have just arrived from a lot drive & not been to the hotel 1st. I appreciate it is a busy home, however I dont feel my relationship with my dil is one where I can either help my self or ask. She will happily feed the family & not offer me anything at all. Ive taken food in the past lasagne/ curry etc. This is just left on the side & ignored. Advice would b really appreciated in this case.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 06/11/2026 19:35

Do you watch them eat?! Or pack your Tupperware of whatever you’ve brought with you
is your son around
I would find that thoughtless behaviour mind boggling rude

Lomonald · 06/11/2026 19:35

She doesn't offer you cups of tea or food What does your son say ?

rubyslippers · 06/11/2026 19:36

And why is your relationship with your DIL so poor you feel you can’t ask for a drink
i I think there’s a lot to unpick

Starzinsky · 06/11/2026 19:39

It does sound very rude. Are you invited or do you invite yourself?

BoldnessReborn · 06/11/2026 19:44

It sounds very rude of them, so much so that I wonder if these visits are welcome -- are you invited or how is it discussed?

I am a bit confused. Is your adult child part of this household? If so then I would focus on that key relationship and communicate clearly with them in the first instance rather than your daughter in law.

WilmaaFlintstone · 06/11/2026 19:46

You’ve not mentioned your son.

Does he give you food or drinks?

LemonPuppyPorkChop · 06/11/2026 19:46

Is your son not at home when you visit? Why the focus on your DIL?

KateBushAgain · 06/11/2026 19:47

Where is your son ?

BudgetBuster · 06/11/2026 19:48

Does your son not know how the kettle works? Why can't you ask him...

SwingAndRelax · 06/11/2026 19:50

Sorry, your son and his wife invite you to stay and don't offer you any food?

Have you not asked your son why? That seems crazy.

MyLimeGuide · 06/11/2026 19:52

How weird! Surely its your sons house and obviously you can help yourself to drinks!

TY78910 · 06/11/2026 19:53

Yes please answer all the above questions, only then my response could apply…

Some people just are like this - they expect you to feel at home so much that you get your own. Or they may presume that if you’re not asking then you don’t want it. I don’t really tend to offer, my ILs etc will go get their own, I will offer to those that don’t visit me often. Monthly to me would be frequent.

Mammyloveswine · 06/11/2026 19:59

Wtf? They sit there and eat whilst you’re just there having nothing at all?! This is batshit and the rudest thing I’ve ever heard! Christ at work we all offer each other a bloody crisp if one of us cracks open a bag, it’s just polite!! Also where is your son in all this?!

Truetoself · 06/11/2026 20:01

So rude. What does your son say?

Agatha1989 · 06/11/2026 20:16

I would simply say I’m going to make a cup of tea, does anyone else want one? I would also start taking my own food and make it clear how rude she’s being by not offering you food when serving it to everyone else.

Velumental · 06/11/2026 20:24

How often did you visit pre kids? Did they invite you? How was your relationship pre kids?

blythet · 06/11/2026 20:27

It’s not unreasonable to expect some food or a drink/cup of tea. However it is unreasonable to put this all on your DIL - does your son offer you may food or drink or is he incapable?

Coconutter24 · 06/11/2026 20:28

Where is your son during the visits?

whippersnapper55 · 06/11/2026 20:31

Why doesn't your son make you a cup of tea or offer you food? Have you asked him?

persisted · 06/11/2026 20:31

I would just plough on, they aren’t considering you so I wouldn’t consider them.

Gosh I’m gasping, that took forever. Who’s putting the kettle on? Etc etc.

Relentless cheery chivvying until something happened, or just do it. They aren’t going to say no are they?

OneHazelBird · 06/11/2026 20:32

Why not ask your son for a drink?

If you know this, then why not get some food before you go there?

searchforthesun · 06/11/2026 20:34

Does you son make you a cup of tea? Just say ‘mind if I put the kettle on, it’s been a long drive, do either of you want anything?’

outerspacepotato · 06/11/2026 20:35

Bring your own stuff.

Sit down at the table and eat some MickeyDees and your water bottle or whatever you've brought and ask them where you can put the survival food you've brought for yourself. If they say something, say well you never offer me even some water or food, so I brought my own. Even better if you can find some MREs and a canteen. You're in hostile territory.

Don't be shy about being rude AF, they sure aren't.

40notouttoday · 06/11/2026 21:44

She doesn't offer you a drink? I've got three kids and a very stressful FT job, if my DM pops in (who lives 5 mins walk away) I might take ten mins while I'm herding the kids/sorting some washing but if she's not helped herself to a brew I'd get the kettle on. If my MIL who lives 100 miles away comes to visit, obviously much less frequently, it'd be the first thing I did - usually while she takes her grand kids - the fact she's not feeding you makes me feel like theres a back story here. At least I hope there is!
Where's your son have you asked him why he can't sort his mother a sandwich out!?

Askandyforcompo · 06/11/2026 21:47

My mum used to do this to me. She and her husband would eat their dinner and I would be offered nothing. I'd go to the pub to buy dinner and that was thrown back in my face. She was absolutely horrible.