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Original poster

Drink & visiting

369 replies

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 19:32

So I have 2 x dgc, I try to visit monthly as they live over 100 miles away & I stay overnight in a hotel close by so I dont have to cause to much of an upheaval to a busy household.. when I do visit. I am never offered a drink,or any food, even if I have just arrived from a lot drive & not been to the hotel 1st. I appreciate it is a busy home, however I dont feel my relationship with my dil is one where I can either help my self or ask. She will happily feed the family & not offer me anything at all. Ive taken food in the past lasagne/ curry etc. This is just left on the side & ignored. Advice would b really appreciated in this case.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 06/11/2026 21:48

Eh? Have you tried asking them what the issue is/whether you can have a cup of tea, etc? Seems very odd, and rude to me, is your son usually like this?

GarlicNothing · 06/11/2026 21:54

I'm dying to know whether your monthly visits were agreed as a regular thing, @Shesastar76, or if you simply decided to do them. Also whether you discuss the date each time, to ensure everyone's on board and what activities you'll be able do with your grandchildren.

As others have said, too, it's notable that your OP doesn't mention your son. Is he working away from home, or does he turn up at some point during your ungraciously hosted visit?

Wildfairy · 06/11/2026 21:59

Is your son not there, is that it? Did they split up?

if not, then why are you blaming her, do you think posssibky that’s something to do with how she treats you?

Lindy2 · 06/11/2026 22:05

Where is your son? Why is he not making you, his mother, welcome after having driven 100 miles to visit? I assume you have been invited rather than just turning up.

There must be more to this than your opening post.

DecafCoffeeIsPointless · 06/11/2026 22:05

BudgetBuster · 06/11/2026 19:48

Does your son not know how the kettle works? Why can't you ask him...

Or say to him, come on Jimmy stick the kettle on.

Do they actually have a meal in front of you without offering you a plate?

You need to speak to you son. I'm assuming you brought him up with more manners than this.

Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:10

My son is there. These visits r planned innadbanve I always message the day before to make sure it will still be OK for my visit..

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:11

My son is there, there is never any offer of food from.any of them. I fond it all strange when they travel to us. There's always fresh flowing food / drinks. Etc.

OP posts:
GarlicNothing · 06/11/2026 22:12

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:10

My son is there. These visits r planned innadbanve I always message the day before to make sure it will still be OK for my visit..

Thank you.

Then why the heck isn't HE making your cups of tea, offering snacks and laying a dinner place for you? This is very odd.

Harry12345 · 06/11/2026 22:13

You need to ask your son directly for a drink and say will I stay for dinner, it’s rude of both if them

Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:13

He doesn't say anything. They just carry on with life... I find it incredibly rude but not sure how to address it. Ive said what about putting the kettle on etc no reposnse.

OP posts:
JackJarvisEsq · 06/11/2026 22:14

I’d be more annoyed at my own child rather than the DIL. Why is it her fault?

Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:15

It is odd i agree I promise u this is true, I find it very strange, but I dont want to risk causing a scene. . I would miss my grandsons to much.

OP posts:
LemonPuppyPorkChop · 06/11/2026 22:16

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:15

It is odd i agree I promise u this is true, I find it very strange, but I dont want to risk causing a scene. . I would miss my grandsons to much.

Why would making yourself a cup of tea cause a scene?

RampantIvy · 06/11/2026 22:17

Do they drink and eat when you are there?

They are incredibly rude and inhospitable. I always offer guests something to drink, and food if there are here over a mealtime. I would stop for a coffee somewhere before getting to theirs or bring a flask of tea.

They sound awful.

GarlicNothing · 06/11/2026 22:17

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:15

It is odd i agree I promise u this is true, I find it very strange, but I dont want to risk causing a scene. . I would miss my grandsons to much.

It's terrible that you're afraid of your own son and his wife. Do you really think there would be a scene if you ask for a cuppa?

What happens if you simply head to the kitchen and say "I'm making some tea, does anyone want a cup?"

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 06/11/2026 22:17

Do they actually want you there @Shesastar76only it doesn't look like it to me .

Jimmyjumpy · 06/11/2026 22:18

She sounds like a right cow.

QuietChristmas2026 · 06/11/2026 22:19

I dont feel my relationship with my dil is one where I can either help my self or ask. She will happily feed the family & not offer me anything at all

Whats your relationship like with your son?

Dandeloosha · 06/11/2026 22:19

Do they want you to visit every month or do you invite yourself? My ex (when we were together and the kids were little) and I worked full time and the weekends were a time to catch up on housework, do laundry, and ferry kids around to various clubs.

My parents tended to visit most half terms - this was great for childcare and we could spend proper time with them - and we visited them around Christmas and Easter and at some point during summer.

Swervethewinger · 06/11/2026 22:19

Crikey.

I dont get on with my MIL but she has a room everytime she stays and I buy food and drink I know she will like and make it for her.

She's also perfectly comfortable putting the kettle on for herself.

And we have a very awkward, strained relationship so your situation is very odd and incredibly rude if it's accurate and no backstory.

Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:21

I would never turn up unannounced, they always ask me when I'm next going to see them, & we arrange a mutually agreed date. . Hotel is booked in advance but can be cancelled. They have never offered me food drink etc. I have taken them out for meals / takeaways. . The reason I am focused on my DIL, she is the main care giver & generally home when I arrive, my son works shifts so not always there. I have tried to speak to my son, but he doesn't c a problem just said that's how they r I expedited I would not feel comfortable helping myself. No reason from either of them.

OP posts:
Anjelika · 06/11/2026 22:24

Goodness this is one of the bizarrest things I’ve read on here! I don’t think anyone’s going to jump on the thread and say it’s normal
behaviour unless your DIL is on here!

I’m not sure how you’ve managed to keep quiet about it. If any of my children treated me like that, I would most definitely be mentioning it to them.

Serene135 · 06/11/2026 22:28

Could you do the same to them OP when they visit you?

AmnesiacDream · 06/11/2026 22:30

I would be really disappointed in my DC if they treated me like that. Did you bring your son up to be hospitable? To offer visitors food and drink? To cook for the household, especially when his family and friends are visiting? What was he like as a host before he got with his wife?

Some families are more muck in together families and don't expect to have to wait on family if they're visiting, but happy for them to make themselves at home. Could it be more that sort of set up? Especially if DGC are young, expecting to be hosted might be seen as a bit demanding? I think you need to get over your discomfort at helping yourself unless DS has expressed that that wouldn't be welcome.

Edited as cross posted with last update.

RampantIvy · 06/11/2026 22:30

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:11

My son is there, there is never any offer of food from.any of them. I fond it all strange when they travel to us. There's always fresh flowing food / drinks. Etc.

I would ask them why they don't offer you anything. Maybe they think you don't want anything because you say nothing?

Or, I would take my own food and drink (and I hope they feel embarrassed).

What kind of example are they showing to their DC?

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