Embarrassed after last night

I agree.

This is the underlying issue. Its easier to hand a child a screen and hope they will keep quiet than it is to engage them, talk to them and keep their attention.

We go out for meals quite regularly. No iPads, we don't do iPads at the dinner table at home so wouldn't do it in a restaurant. We take sticker books, card games, pads of paper and pens, small toys relevant to age. We also talk to each other, shock horror.

I would not have them running around restaurants, it's dangerous.

Our kids, 3 and 6, were running around around the outside tables a bit before and after the food was served

The problem there is that the servers have to negotiate them.

We took DD out to eat pretty much from birth. I always took books and colouring stuff (before the age of iPads). When they’re young you really need to give them constant attention and make it inclusive and enjoyable for them too, so you do miss out on a lot of the adult conversation.

If we went out in the summer, we’d try and eat outside where there was enough space to get down from the table and have a wander. If we were inside, I’d take her out for a walk for five or ten minutes, not because she was behaving badly, but because I knew how boring it could be for her. We played a lot of I Spy and other word games, quizzes when she got a bit older.

It’s quite hard when they’re little, especially if they’re an only, but it does get better. I think you just have to accept that meals out with small children are never going to be the same as just adults.

Agree with this - they are young, don't go out for meals often, will have been over-excited.

However I think I'd start taking them out occasionally - try with a lunchtime at IKEA of MacDonald's or something - just so they can learn to at least sit quietly and not annoy other diners. I would have been pretty p!ssed if I'd been out for a meal and a couple of kids had screeched their way though it, TBH.

But as I say - they are young, you seem to have been doing your best to make them sit quietly and eat properly. I'd forgive it if it was a learning experience for them.

Good point. They could easily cause an accident and there are a lot of things you can hurt yourself (or someone else) badly in in that environment.

I find this a really odd way of looking at it - of course a TWO year old shouldn't have an iPad?! And that it is surprising that a child can behave without an iPad? "How could she do it?" - a similar way perhaps to all the "well behaved" two year olds throughout history before iPads were invented...

This is obviously a larger/different issue than the one about your kids OP but good lord what is the world 😫

This is the thing op, you’ll get comments from posters, who have no idea what it’s like to have a child, who struggles to sit still in such environments. My dd has boundless energy. Far more than any other girl I’ve met and most boys, she’s 15. We didn’t take out often to non child friendly places as she was not the sort of child to daintily sit, chat and colour. She couldn’t sit still in the cinema either, unlike my friend’s ds, who could. I’m sure I’d have been fine as I’m a lot more sedentary.

Well if you don't eat out a lot but the other kids do the your children wouldn't know how to behave.
Perhaps you could suggest a more family friendly place to eat next time or the day out.
We don't eat in really nice paces, usually somewhere with a soft play or playground. You shouldn't have let them run round and scream, that would annoy other people and staff. Also teach your children about not annoying other children.
Having said that they are little. I expect the other children wouldn't have behaved if they weren't used to it either.

I think you need to take them out to places, just your family, and while you wait for the food you talk and engage with them. Ask them about school, their friends etc. and yes this is something you can do from nursery age. Parents and children engaging with each other. Ditch the bloody ipads. This is how you teach children to behave, it doesn't just magically happen.

AIBU to be embarrassed? Is this my fault for not putting them in these types of environments more, or is it really not a place for kids so their behaviour was normal??

YANBU to be embarrased. No this behaviour is not normal. Children that are brought up to behave, will behave.

Learn some lessons then let go of the shame (justified or otherwise). No point in over analysing, it will just prolong your pain.

Well if you don't eat out a lot but the other kids do the your children wouldn't know how to behave.

Children should be taught how to behave properly at the table at home. Then they will be able to be taken out to eat in public.

@Letmecall your children are still so young. I wouldn’t worry. I’ve seen worse behaviour from much older children

I always find out what they want then let them run about in the garden until the food arrives and they know to walk inside and walk through the restaurant quietly but are older, my sons 12 but has autism and sitting still has never been his strong point even with his phone he needs to move about.

I'd agree. Until they can behave quietly in public, they won't be welcome in many places, which is tough for both them and their parents, they may even stop getting asked to things.
We were taught very young that different behaviours were required in different situations. You could talk at meals at home, you didn't talk in church. You could argue with and interrupt immediate family (within reason) but though you were encouraged to talk to other adults, you could not be rude to or interrupt other adults. You could be noisy at home when playing when it was just the immediate family, but had to play quietly if there were visitors in the room. You were free to get down from the table at home when it was agreed you'd finished eating, but not when eating elsewhere. You could go freely around our house, even run about like banshees at times when you got the rips, but not in anyone else's house or in church or if eating out unless given permission. It's not that difficult to learn. And well-behaved kids are welcome pretty much everywhere- which is good for everyone. Including the kids.

The 4 year old is old enough to have had what happens in a restaurant explained to him beforehand and what behaviour was expected - e.g. stay in your seat etc. Perhaps a bit of bribery thrown in for good behaviour - you get to choose a nice dessert.

The 3 year old would probably have needed a bit more attention, perhaps sitting on knees to keep him contained after he had finished eating.

Both should have been close enough to either you or your dp to ensure any attempts to leave the table were quickly intercepted before they got far and if they started acting up take them outside and be firm with them it is not acceptable.

It isn't a lot of fun for parents taking young dc to restaurants as you need to be be constantly alert and entertain them, but that is how they learn.

This is a good idea, take them to places where it's not a huge issue if they play up and they're not going to have to wait a long time but try and get them to sit for longer periods while there.

OP don’t stress, your kids are still really little and I expect the novelty of a new place and mum and dad using their “we are around other people and therefore we will not shout” voices probably got them a bit too excited to be perfectly behaved.

We try to take our two year old regularly in an attempt to build manners around eating out and we sometimes have meals where he is just a dream! He will quietly colour and be entertained by people around him and we will get comments of how well behaved he is and we sit there basking in our smugness. This happens probably 20% if the time. We ALWAYS have the iPad in the bag for emergencies as well as chocolate biscuits if it goes to DEFCON 1 level meltdown. The other 80% we have a normal toddler who wants to get down and explore, tantrum if forced to stay at the table, throws food on the floor if given half a chance and decides to randomly screech at nothing for no reason whatsoever.

I can assure you that whenever we have a good day out and we see a kid misbehaving at a restaurant, we are never judging and simply thinking “thank fuck that’s not my kid today”.

You shouldn't be embarrassed. While the behaviour you described doesn't sound ideal, like many other posters said, it will definitely get better with more exposure.

You didn't ask for tips, but as a mum of a 3 + 7 year old, thought I would share what has 'worked' for us. The caveat being that my kids are pretty 'average' in terms of energy levels. Not sure how well the below would translate for a child who has super high energy levels or is neurodivergent in some way :

1. If you're going to take them to a new environment, have a good chat with them beforehand (e.g. the night before and again on the day). Explain what is expected of them, explain that they might need to be patient between courses etc., but also emphasise why it might be fun (new foods, new people, etc). I find with my kids, they behave much better when they have a very clear understanding of what I expect of them and what they can expect of an environment (both the good and the bad).

2. If you're particularly worried, make sure to bring a surprise distraction. With my kids I usually bring colouring pens whenever we go to restaurants, but I might also print off a few colouring pages they haven't seen before. The novelty will help if it starts to get bad.

3. Do praise them for good behaviour when you notice it. "You guys are sitting so nicely. Such good waiting!"

4. If you're really desperate, you could introduce a 'reward' at the end of the meal : if you sit nicely I will let you order a dessert. But you have to stick with it, and if they fail to live up to the agreed rules, no dessert.

5. Make sure you you include them in the conversation. Obviously they shouldn't hog all your attention, but talking to them like adults who have something interesting to say will boost their confidence and make them feel part of the setup. Most kids I've hung out with (both my own and those of others) love this especially. Not sure it contributes to good behaviour, but it's something they enjoy.

In what scenario is running round a restaurant (where staff are carrying hot food and no doubt glasses of drinks), screaming, purposely trying to annoy other children, poking children, etc considered "ok"?

@GoodLordHelpMe if you think thats ok behaviour your family has likely ruined many an evening out for others. You're that family that everyone else eating is desperate to leave.

@MorrisZapp this is one of the best posts I’ve read on Mumsnet. Truly, who can be arsed? I often say the problem with my 3 year old is that he has the emotional resilience and impulse control of a 3 year old.

OP, you’re getting a nice mix of ‘avoid going out to nice places’ and ‘go out to nice places so they learn’, both of which have merit. A mid-point of ‘we eat out once a quarter’ (or something) might be a good plan. Somewhere that you can exit quickly if needed. You can guarantee that many of the posters here are not members of the 2 under 2 club and/or got lucky with genetically peaceful kids. Some of us get the restless impulsive ones. It’s our job to make family life bearable and meaningful within the parameters of what is physically and emotionally possible for everyone.

I think it all sounds very poor. Childen should not need screens to sit and have a meal. The children in our family don’t, it is just not something they have.

Our DD is just 4 and has beautiful table manners because we model good behaviour and work at it. The other children in the extended family are the same. We may take crayons or a small toy for a long meal, but absolutely never an ipad or device. Just no. She can certainly manage an hour or so of a meal without needing to get up or annoy anyone. She’s learning how to make conversation and I love her efforts to join in, it’s lovely.

Parenting in this country is an embarrassment at mealtimes.

Some posters are being ridiculous, nobody expects a toddler to sit quietly for several hours through a long boring meal.

It's fine OP, they are still small I wouldn't put too many expectations on them at this age.