Embarrassed after last night

Hey OP. Don't be too hard on yourself, as you said your children aren't used to a more formal setting and how to behave in these situations is a leant skill. Being able to make small talk, sit still and engage with people you don't really know takes maturity and can be hard even for adults at times.

As others have suggested a more formal style meal (e.g multiple courses, later start time) once a week or so could help prepare them for these situations. You could also help by directing the flow of the conversation towards topics your kids and extended family have in common (e.g my nephew loves history and will talk to my grandpa endlessly about the blitz). Good luck x

All kids are different. My son was a terror when he was little but my daughter was an angel. My son is grown up now and still gives me lots of problems. He’s a very difficult and unreasonable man. Not how he was brought up. I think just keep trying at mealtimes at home, to teach them to behave around the table. We take our grandchildren out of restaurants for a break if they misbehave. If your sons misbehave around a table, take them out of the situation and talk to them about how they need to behave and then take them back. Our grandchildren are gradually learning how to sit still and behave. If you keep trying you will get there.

Had a meal totally ruined a few weeks ago with a work colleague (long day this was 7pm) with kids running around, going under our table, and generally misbehaving in the restaurant. I don’t pay to have my meal totally ruined. And yes honestly we gave the parents looks and judged them.

I'd class using ipads every day, and unlimited time at the weekends as a lot at that age. My almost 4yo does get screen time every day, he usually watches cartoons when we're wrangling 1yo in the morning, when getting the kids ready for bed, or when we just need him quiet for half an hour to get something done. He very rarely gets time on the tablet though as there is a noticeable decline in his behaviour so he only gets it when there is a real need for short term distraction, such as blood tests, flights etc. Inalsonfind it sad watching families out and about ignoring each other with their noses in gadgets. Having said that I do feel you, my 18mo is feral, I very much avoid nice places, we try to go to child friendly restaurants with soft play etc and he still manages to escape and cause chaos! We went to a harvester a few months ago for a family dinner (I begged for a less nice place and that was what we got) 3yo did fairly well with colouring, comics, sticker books and way too much pineapple and sweetcorn from the salad bar, but 1yo was horrendous, climbing out of his high chair, running round the restaurant, trying to climb on tables. He ended up in the pram because it was the only place to keep him contained, even with family members helping he just wanted to run around. Next time I'm taking reins so he can move around but not disrupt. They'll grow out of it with time and guidance, I'm just going to keep avoiding very nice places until they are old enough to understand.

If you're going to home school your child you need to teach him everything he'd learn at school. That includes being able to sit patiently when appropriate. Letting him get up and wander off at will isn't going to help.

If you don't teach them how to behave appropriately in a situation, you can't be surprised when they don't.

Kids will be kids and especially as it’s later than normal for them to eat etc mine would be the same. And it must be boring for them. I wouldn’t compare

As someone who has avoided sit down meals in restaurants for the last 7 years because of my daughter, I really feel for you.

She just couldn’t do it, she has such a short attention span, doesn’t care much for eating full meals, not bothered about an iPad in a restaurant because all that she ever wanted to do was get down and run around and investigate. For context, she is now on the pathway for AuDHD diagnosis so we’re not talking about a NT kid here.

Both our families have always been completely understanding of her crazy and we’ve never felt embarrassed in front of them, but it made it impossible going out for food until recently as she’s now 7.

Don’t beat yourself up. They’re kids, they do stupid things that adults really dislike. Usually not out of naughtiness but because they literally have underdeveloped brains.

I understand what you’re trying to say but you literally don’t. You don’t replicate school at home.

Oh sod it all op, kids are kids. I don't agree that you have to take three year olds to places where they need to behave, in order to teach them how to behave.

They need to not be three any more, and you survive the mayhem years any way you can. I never once took my toddler to a supermarket or a nice restaurant. Who can be arsed? He doesn't run round restaurants screaming now, he's 13 and that's not what 13 year olds do. So I take him out with confidence.

I don't judge people's children - but if I am honest I do judge parent's reaction to poor behaviour. If you made an attempt to stop and improve their behaviour than I would be secretly thinking you are a great at parenting.

You made me smile to myself when you mentioned all the things you talked about last night. I remember taking my DS out to dinner with wider family at similar ages - and never getting into the adult conversation at all as all my attention was on keeping the kids amused. It was fine when it just our little family - we could eat and run, but in bigger groups it was blooming hard work. As well as setting out the expectation for the DS, I had to manage my expectations of what a big family dinner were - no chat until the children were older and had learnt the ropes.

I never said you did. But you do have to teach social skills as well as the curriculum. And being able to behave appropriately in an environment like a restaurant or a workplace is one of those.

What other activities did you take to entertain your children?

I really wouldn’t overthink this. You said yourself you don’t normally have the kids in these situations, so keep in mind it’s new to them and they dont know how to behave in this situation. Maybe try taking them out more and practice eating out, sitting nice and bring them in to conversation and interact with them throughout.

Having said that, my DD1 was an absolute angel, could take her anywhere around anyone and I’d know she would do great. DD2 came along, she’s the one that fills us with dread going anywhere. Can’t sit still, always creates, needs the iPad (which is only pulled out in extreme scenarios) colouring books, distractions. She is getting better, she’s 4 now. We can just about get through a main before having to deploy iPad games now. So getting there. But I do remember her kicking off so badly that we just avoided going to restaurants with her, and realised she would never learn if we avoid so we started off just facing into it and going places armed with a back pack of snacks, books, pens, etc and not letting her know what I had brought so when she got bored with one thing I’d deploy something else. DD2 is the typical free spirited, wild child that loves to climb, be heard, rough and tumble and never stays clean. DD1 is definitely my softer child, was much easier since conception 🤣

Go easy on yourself and the little ones, you are all learning together. They don’t come with how to guides.

This is a bit of a catch 22. If you take your kids out to restaurants more often and from a young age then they learn what is acceptable. If you rarely do it then they won’t learn what’s expected and then you want to avoid it. If you can afford to do it, try to take them out eg for sunday lunch once a month. Somewhere with a kids play area so if they do get bored they can have a break and come back. My 20 month old has been taken to restaurants since tiny and knows to play with toys/books/colouring and is content a lot of the time to people watch, but he’s too small (and now toddlerish) to sit indefinitely so a wander round outside to break the boredom does the trick. I suggest at first trying to go with extra adults without other kids eg grandparents so you can tag team if they get restless. The more you do it, the less the novelty and then hopefully they will chill out a bit more.

Please don’t beat yourself up about this or feel disheartened from these replies. Kids change and all have different personalities. I have one that sits through each and every time, and another that won’t sit even for 20 mins. Why husband just takes him outside for a walk so he has shorter intervals in the restaurant and then it works ok. They are nearly 3. Take care

My husband , not why!

Don't feel bad, at least you were trying and your kids are just at different stages to theirs, they all get there in the end!

Maybe try taking them out for Sunday lunch one time in a place with an outside space or nearby park to reduce the time they are sat at the table and one of you can take them out and they can burn off some energy before sitting down to eat. Also in the daytime they will probably be better than evening when they can get overtired and out of routine.

one of you should of taken them outside to calm down each time they tried to run around.

I wouldn’t judge a child being a child id judge the parent for not parenting though and that would include just slinging an iPad at said child so we all have to hear Peppa pig or whatever.

Children won’t ever learn to sit nicely at restaurants if you never take them.

Our three were in them from a very young age, no iPads but would have a colouring in book or such.

Family all engaged with the children and each other, sils children don’t go to restaurants so they don’t know how to behave and thus family restaurant meals never happen now, all the sobs of it’s not fair to expect little children to this or that, completely over looking the fact that all three of ours did it because they where expected to.

They should never have gone/been put in that situation. Yours sound as though they need to be older before being out in that situation, which is okay.

I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound as though you were giving them much attention, and were just leaving them to the ipads. That's way too much screen time they have regularly already, and I'm guessing the meal was longer than usual.

It wasn't great behaviour, but if they were essentially being ignored and only spoken to by adults functionally & occasionally, then I can see where it came from.

In the future, come prepared with more entertainment that you can play along with them at table, not screens - colouring, stickers, small games, books ... and just accept that you won't get much chance to chat to the adults until they're older (or you have child-free meals). Two parents for two children is ideal, you were lucky that you were both there - you can take a child each when they won't play together, and let them play together when it's going well. Children that age can sit still at the table, if they're included in the conversation as much as possible and have something to do when the conversation isn't at their level. And if it's a long meal and they can't sit still, then take them outside for a run around.

I wouldn't bother comparing them specifically to the other children out with you. Every family dynamic is different. But just take it as an opportunity to come prepared next time, with both entertainment and attention.

I wouldn't allow ipads for meals/ in a restaurant, just chatting and colouring should be enough. It's important for kids to learn to be social and to be included in conversation.

I think you need to work on their behaviour in restaurants to be honest. I also think iPads at the table isn’t ok though! I would have provided colouring in/small toys etc before iPads but we have a rule of no screens at the table. I think children do belong in restaurants and it’s important for them to grow up with those sorts of experiences. I have always taken my kids to restaurants and they are very well behaved in them as a result - not posh/fine dining ones, more family friendly types of places. My rule of thumb is if it’s somewhere someone would conceivably propose to someone then it’s completely not ok to disrupt that ambience with young kids…! Otherwise it’s fine. Children should not only be kept in children-only zones (play parks, soft play etc) but they should get a wealth of different experiences and understand how to regulate their behaviour accordingly.

I think all kids are different, I have 2 boys and avoid situations like this, I know they wouldn’t sit and not because they are naughty, because they are little boys that don’t sit down ever, and I find it really difficult to be anywhere that they can’t run around and be kids.