Bloke at work, so fed up

He sounds like a complete knob and a bully. YANBU.

How awful. I think it is bullying actually OP. Blaming a sense of humour doesn’t make it ok. I hope your manager supports you. If not, you could raise a formal grievance. I guarantee there will be other people who don’t find him funny too.

Well he certainly sounds like he can be a massive twat as regards the "have you farted", but taking the piss over your paranormal event not so much.
He WAS kind to take you out to lunch though.

I think you are being a bit sensitive TBH. If he says something you object to simply tell him to piss off! You are allowed to respond to "banter" and a robust put-down would do him no harm at all!

YADNBU what an arsehole x

It’s not a sense of humour when it’s upsetting someone, it’s bullying. He sounds like a dickhead and I’d threaten to take it to HR if your manager fails to make him stop. You need to send an email to your manager to have an official record of your grievance.

God, what a horrible man. This does sound like bullying, but of course bullying is often passed off as 'banter'. If your manager doesn't do anything, I would try and find the courage to speak to him separately and say 'I don't like the way you speak to me, I find you rude and bullying so I would prefer it if any communication between us was only about work'.

How big is your company? Does it have a separate HR department?

He sounds like a complete idiot.
I’d “grey rock” the arse.

Next time say "You've already been warned about this, you need to stop, I'm going to speak to HR every single time" and do not smile, do not look away.

He sounds like a total dick and an attention seeker. What he did to you at lunch after your bad news was disgusting. The more people laugh, even to be polite, it's encouraging for him to continue. There's humour, banter and having a carry on, then there's down right cruel to the bone "jokes" that go too far. He's the latter. Hugs 💐

It is possible that, when he saw you down, he saw an opportunity to increase his power over you, consciously or subconsciously.

Other interpretations are possible. But I think this is likely. So don't be confused by the kindness. It should change your boundaries.

I would say to your manager that you can't accept this kind of comment directed at you whoever is making it, whether they think it's funny or not. Would a client be expected to put up with this?

The "kindness" shouldn't change your boundaries, I meant to say.

I think this is bullying too.

Your colleague needs to be told not to bring his sense of humour to work.

That does seem very odd . Paying for your lunch and being kind then embarrassing you like that . I think he has got some kind of problem - but that's not your problem! I think you are right to have a talk with HR about it because they will actually know him unlike all of us on here .Maybe he's done this kind of thing before ? I would ignore him or if you feel up to it tell him to piss off occasionally until then .

This is manipulation as well as bullying. Bullying can be unconscious - I've come across such people who really don't recognise their behaviours. It's not at all uncommon. But this is deliberate, which is in a whole different ball game. Very few people deliberately go out of their way to bully others, and this is what he is doing in the cruellest possible way.

Tell your manager that a "word" isn't enough, and that this either stops, completely and totally, from this second forward, or it will be formal. Start a diary (including as many events as you can recall already) and include bullying of others that you witness. Complain about every single event, and if you can, encourage others to do so as well. If you aren't in a union, join one today.

I think the "have you farted" thing was his poor attempt at humour.

He may have thought it would cheer you up. I've worked with people like him before - women as well as men.

He sounds like the type who thinks his SOH is universally loved and he needs to know that it really isn't and to STFU sometimes.

He sounds like a complete twat.

But. I do think that you should just tell him to piss off. If he can give it out then he needs to take it back.

The more you show him that he’s upset you the less likely he will change.

It does sound though as if he lacks social skills rather than being deliberately awful. he behaves like that because he has an audience, and for whatever reason he doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with that. he needs to learn, because it’s not ok, but if someone doesn’t tell him that and never has, then he’ll just continue.

he’s right about the haunted house though.

You are absolutely being bullied by a nasty arsehole.

Formalise that complaint.

After the lunch incident I would feel very unsafe around him.

I think that behaviour is unhinged.

Use the words "feeling unsafe".

Do not accept this.

Awful behaviour.

I think that at the lunch he was possibly trying to use humour to deflect from the stressful situation but got it totally wrong. Next time he says something that upsets you I would come back with " if you don't have anything nice to say then please don't say anything at all" I would also have a chat with him to make him realise that you just don't find his comments funny

This definitely IS bullying. He's clearly an absolute cunt, so don't go giving yourself a hard time, its him with the issues, not you. He loves the attention, wants people to think he's funny and clever -I'd put money on most of your colleagues thinking he's an absolute bell end however much they might laugh along.
Don't back down with your boss over this; he needs to stop. You won't be the only one he does it to, and he will have another target in the future. He needs to make someone feel shit to make himself feel good. The lunch was thought out manipulation and not kindness.

Jokes and humour area subjective. He was kind about the lunch, then undid all the goodness of it by deliberately humiliating you public.

It's not a joke if the victim of a joke is humiliated by it. That called knowing your audience. He doesn't know you well enough to have that kind of joke with you, that's the sort of thing that happens between close friends or family IMO.

Don't refuse to work, but do go in with a few considered notes to the meeting with him and ensure that he takes responsibility for his actions and that your manager is not excusing those actions.

Know your audience. So important.

YANBU. But the only way you will sort it is by responding

so today I would be going in, and in front of everyone say that on Friday as you know you had some upsetting news and whilst he was kind enough to take to lunch the actions afterwards where disgusting and he should be ashamed of himself, upsetting you so much you had to go home . How would he like it is someone did that to a member of his family. You are also fed up with his comments about your activities, or indeed anything you may say. it maybe funny to him, but it’s not to you and you have been taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all and you would prefer he does that

Public humiliation is not "banter'
Teenage boys shout loudly about farting etc, not grown men.
I have encountered people (usually male) who behave like this and its mild funny at first......until it isn't .
It's very draining. As others have recommended, keep a diary and speak to the manager

Slightly different as this was a friendship thing, but a lady I knew (who was lovely) had a husband who sounds just like your colleague- dripping in sarcasm and horrible, mean jokes. I had to end the friendship because it was so horribly draining (I can take a joke, I have a good sense of humour but my God it was incessant, rude and made me feel so uncomfortable.)

Nobody deserves to be made to feel like that OP I'm so sorry. Until you've experienced working or spending time with someone like that nobody understands. I was so sad to end the friendship but unfortunately my friend and he came as a package and I honestly couldn't tolerate it anymore. I hope you get this dealt with.