Bloke at work, so fed up

He sounds like very hard work. He clearly has a very black and white viewpoint and sounds very arrogant. Try and ignore his interjections or stop talking and resume when he stops. Eventually he get the message, he probably has little self awareness so it might take a while.

A nasty piece of work and he seems to be making an effort to target you.

That would concern me a bit but I don't think you are the only one so find those people at your workplace.

Hes bullying you OP. If you are upset enough to go home its not a different sense of humour. More importantly those who do have a different one tend to say sorry if they see how upset you get. He wasn't being kind taking you to lunch, he was trying to get inside knowledge on how to hurt you more effectively. Yes, there are people who will do this.

Constantly picking on you, not letting go of the subject (Halloween) would be considered abusive in a relationship setting and we would be telling you to dump him.

Oh god the ‘bantz’ brigade. It’s exhausting and it’s only funny if the subject of this ‘humour’ is also laughing. Otherwise it’s deliberate humiliation ie bullying. I don’t think you’re being sensitive (not that that’s a bad thing either). I would respond with a combo of ignore and report. Just don’t engage with the twat.

To be honest, I think you're being far too sensitive.

He has a stupid, teenage boy sense of humour and was probably trying to make you laugh after taking you for lunch.

I don't think he means any harm. Probably has low EQ.

The fart thing wasn't a joke. It was his nasty little sneery way of enjoying getting you to let your guard down and then humiliating you.

With people like this I just don't give them anything to grip onto. I don't get into it. I just kinda casually agree with whatever they say so they have nothing to grab onto and nothing to argue against.

'haha why would you want to go to that haunted house do you like being gullible'
'haha yeah, that's exactly why'

'why do you need to go to AA to be told you're fat here I'll tell you now'
'who knows why we do the things we do'

or just the more boring non-response you can come up with. I certainly wouldn't allow myself to be alone with this person again.

It sounds like bullying tbh, but I wouldn't stay off work because of it. I'd just go in and be as bored by him as possible.

I'm sorry you are going through this. You need to stop indulging him though. Don't engage with him unless it is work related. Don't respond to him unless it is work related. Don't talk to him unless it is work related. if you need to communicate with him on work related issues and he behaves in a non-professional way then straight to HR.

Stick some earphones in, ideally something more pleasing to the ears than his crap (that should be straightforward as he sounds awful). Do a lot of being quite busy if he wants to talk to you. It sounds like he's trying to put you down and ignore the younger women to somehow make himself terribly important- which he isn't. Be really supportive of others at work but give him the dismissive 'I see' or 'oh' if he says anything about you or things you've said. Do not defend yourself, do not invite any further responses, don't answer his questions where he's just dragging you out.

He didn't say she was fat. He said she WASN'T fat.

He sounds like someone with strong opinions and low social skills…

I’m not sure there is malice in it as such, and the taking you out for lunch when you were having a tough time I think shows he’s nice under the bravado; and a frankly terrible attempt at lightening the mood…

I suspect someone like him probably requires being told to f*ck off sometimes for the message to get through he’s being a bit much.

Ask him, every time he starts a conversation with you if it is about work as well

How old is this man? Sounds like a tedious weirdo. Who makes fart "jokes" with colleagues as an adult?!

Are you quite a gentle, soft person OP? My sister had a similar issue at work bit she is too nice. Obviously it's not her fault that she's a nice person! But these boorish types usually know who won't push back and will pick "easy" targets. I'd grey rock him as suggested above. Just cut him down then ignore him when he starts on his crusades.

him: "Your sister is a nail technician lol blah blah"
you: withering look "who asked you?" Turn back to person you were talking to and continue your conversation, shush him if he tries to intervene.

Hopefully the chat with your manager might give him some pause but I'd say at this point it's too ingrained for any major improvements. He's just a knob. Keep a diary if he persists and escalate if needs be.

Are you for real? They’re not 12 and even if he was so immature that this is how he expresses his attraction to her, so what? Are you suggesting that would make it ok or that OP needs to tolerate it?

Oh fuck off with this shite. I hope you don't have sons or daughters and peddle this absoloute crap to them too.

He is a bully. A nasty piece of work. And you shouldn't allow your manager to write this off as a joke.

I worked with a bloke like this, eventually he went too far and I took him to task.

he never repeated his behaviour to me again, he continued with others however.

stand up to him!

I know mentioning autism as a cause invites instant derision, but I have an autistic male relative and this sounds exactly like him. In terms of arguing with you, he just thinks he's being logical, he doesn't read nuance or how it's affecting the other person. And he too has aspects of being very kind and thoughtful.

I have a sarcastic sense of humour but I would never be mean and horrible like this man. He has crossed the line, it isn't banter.

He will belittle you no matter what you talk about. I had somebody who treated me like this and you do feel hurt, because you think, what the hell did I ever do to you.

He is a bully and you should raise a grievance with HR. Can you get any other staff to back you up if he has been horrible to them?

I agree with people saying he is a vile bully. He feels powerless so he attempts to gain power and control by systematically humiliating you and others. Why should you have to put up with him in the workplace? I would lodge a formal complaint.

Can't you read the signs. He took you out for lunch and is acting all giddy and daft around and saying stupid things he clearly likes you.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

I really hope you don't have kids or, if you do, that they have someone more sensible to guide them in relationships. It sounds like you never progressed past primary school.

Banter is mutual, it is back and forth and friendly. This is not banter. I’m quite shocked at the amount of posters who think you should suck it up or change your reaction. It’s a bit concerning that some of those posters might be managers themselves.

Do some reading or contact this helpline before you speak to your manager if you can.

https://www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/employees.html#beingbullied

“Honestly Dave just piss off yeah?” And repeat forever…..

I thought the same.

i would guess he fancies you but knows he hasn’t a chance so he runs you down to make himself feel better.

He's a horrible person. Have as little to do with him as you can - be professional, but no further. Don't react to his 'jokes', unless you can think of a quick reply that makes him look stupid.

And don't go for lunch with him, for goodness sake - you don't like him!

It’s shitty behaviour, no doubt. Mostly because the guy seems unable to read the responses of his co workers.