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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bloke at work, so fed up

229 replies

Diarea · 22/05/2023 08:23

I work in a small office. I get on with everyone but there is one bloke there who is basically sarcastic and negative to everyone and everything. He seems to have it in for me more than anyone else. Everytime I speak he laughs and questions what I’ve said. Example:

Talking about upcoming holidays I said I had booked a few nights in a “haunted castle” for Halloween and will be doing a paranormal investigation on Halloween night with a group. I know it’s not everyone’s idea of a fun night out but I love stuff like this and I’m really looking forward to it. Anyway he laughed and said “it’s not a haunted castle though is it? It’s a castle which the owners have described as haunted so that gullible people will pay more to stay there” (this was in front of everyone).

I said “well, probably, but I like stuff like that anyway”. He replied “you like being gullible?” Anyway it went on. This is one of many examples. It’s not bullying as such but it is relentless sarcasm and piss taking.

On Friday I’d had some bad news and everyone kept asking what was wrong. I confided in someone and he managed to hear about it 🙄 he came over and asked if I wanted to pop out for lunch with him to get some fresh air. Unusually nice of him so I stupidly took him up on it. We went to a cafe near where we work and we’re just talking like two normal colleagues, I was actually starting to feel better. As we finished up he paid despite me saying I’ll pay for my own and we left. As we got outside he asked if I felt better to which I said he did. He then shouted “fuck me, have you farted? That’s minging” totally caught me off guard, people turned to look at us, I didn’t say anything (I hadn’t of course, I was just mortified by how loud he was being). He then shouted “why have you come to work with Nora virus ? God go home and get changed before it leaks through” and then walked off leaving me stood there absolutely mortified.

I ended up going straight home as I was so upset. I’ve called my manager and told him what happened and he’s bringing him in today for a discussion but has basically said it’s his sense of humour.

AIBU to not go back to work until I know something will be done? Or am I being a baby about it? Everyone else seems to find him hilarious. I don’t know if it’s me being too sensitive or what but I can’t cope with it

OP posts:
Biscuitlover456 · 23/05/2023 14:53

Stay away from him OP. Classic manipulative abuser-type behaviour - spends time winding you up, demanding your attention and being condescending, then switches and appears to do something “nice”, and then when you’ve let your guard down then switches back to being an arsehole by publicly embarrassing you when you were really vulnerable. He doesn’t care about you, he cares about his ego trip and making himself feel like he has power over you. It’s vile.

Don’t engage with his ‘banter’, ignore him. People like this thrive on attention; don’t give him any. Whenever he tries to say something provocative or hurtful just say ‘Oh yes, I see’ and go about your day. And talk to your HR team or union rep!

TheKobayashiMaru · 23/05/2023 15:07

Biscuitlover456 · 23/05/2023 14:53

Stay away from him OP. Classic manipulative abuser-type behaviour - spends time winding you up, demanding your attention and being condescending, then switches and appears to do something “nice”, and then when you’ve let your guard down then switches back to being an arsehole by publicly embarrassing you when you were really vulnerable. He doesn’t care about you, he cares about his ego trip and making himself feel like he has power over you. It’s vile.

Don’t engage with his ‘banter’, ignore him. People like this thrive on attention; don’t give him any. Whenever he tries to say something provocative or hurtful just say ‘Oh yes, I see’ and go about your day. And talk to your HR team or union rep!

Sometimes bullies just go at you even more when you ignore them.

kateislate · 23/05/2023 15:25

@SamW98 Crikey, that's horrendous and constitutes sexual harassment. And the initial comment in particular is not hearsay, because you had it in an email. No wonder you were shaken.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 23/05/2023 16:21

SamW98 · 23/05/2023 14:49

The problem you sometimes find when you report these issues is that HR are useless.

I had an issue a few years ago with a guy at work who made comments about my appearance all the time to the point it was creepy. One example I was just off to lunch so quickly touched up my lipgloss at my desk. Immediately i received an email from him saying ‘your lips look very nice and kissable’

I did the ignore him and he will go away thing which sadly didn’t work.

It reached a head when I was at a work lunch with a group and he turned up. He sat opposite me staring the whole time which I ignored. Then I went to the ladies. When i came out, he was standing outside and said to me words to the effect of ‘women like you make me sick. You flaunt it and flirt and play the innocent. Back in my day you’d be called a prick tease’

I was shaken but kept my cool and just said ‘fuck off Dave’ to which he laughed and said ‘rattled you because you know I’m right’

I was pretty upset when I got back up my desk and told my manager - his immediate response was to ask if it was Dave and say it wasn’t hard to work out. But he said to me speak to HR and he would support me.

I spoke to HR told full story and their response - they couldn’t do anything as it was hearsay and their suggestion was we sat in a private room together and talked through our differences. WTAF???

Yep, sounds like HR to me.

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