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People keep having sex in my hedge...

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MNHQ have commented on this thread.

eurgh Mon 25-Jun-18 17:00:14

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Reaa Mon 25-Jun-18 17:01:23

"Don't you have somewhere else to go" would be my response.

Namastethefuckawayfromme Mon 25-Jun-18 17:01:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redglitter Mon 25-Jun-18 17:01:32

I'd decide it was time my hedge had a watering and turn the hose on it

Deshasafraisy Mon 25-Jun-18 17:01:33

Water pistol

fruitbrewhaha Mon 25-Jun-18 17:02:14

I have sex in my bush

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Mon 25-Jun-18 17:03:16

I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something

I can’t imagine why you haven’t!! confused just tell them to fuck off.

rosesandflowers1 Mon 25-Jun-18 17:04:01

Put up a polite notice smile

If that doesn't stop them, they're clearly shameless so a loud "do you mind" or a hose is more appropriate.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Mon 25-Jun-18 17:04:31

I need to see a photo of This hedge to understand why they’re choosing it to shag in.

MeMyselfand Mon 25-Jun-18 17:04:50

confused start doing a David Attenborough commentary whenever they are at it

5foot5 Mon 25-Jun-18 17:05:20

Is your do trained to "fetch"?

Could you maybe lob a ball or a stick or something in to the hedge and get your dog to go in after it then see what fun ensues?

Tomorrowillbeachicken Mon 25-Jun-18 17:05:42

Hose out of window

5foot5 Mon 25-Jun-18 17:05:44

"dog" not "do"

Cornettoninja Mon 25-Jun-18 17:06:32


Perfect weather to encourage pests in that particular area or encourage your dog to go to the toilet there...

Tomorrowillbeachicken Mon 25-Jun-18 17:06:34

fruitbrew perhaps you need a trim

Timeisslippingaway Mon 25-Jun-18 17:07:01

Why wouldn't you say anything!

Tarrarra Mon 25-Jun-18 17:07:14

Can you pop some manure under it, to make it a less appealing spot? Failing that just a few of your dog poos?? 😃

HandPickedEklderflower Mon 25-Jun-18 17:07:17

Is it 2 of your neighbours in a clandestine relationship? pretending to
walk their dogs?

My DF kept meeting 2 of our neighbours a couple of minutes apart up in the hills dog walking. Village scandal of the century when their affair was exposed-only one not surprised- my father.

eurgh Mon 25-Jun-18 17:07:29

@MeMyselfand oh that would be so good I'll have to work on my voice!
I don't know why I haven't said something really. I don't know why but I think I feel rude disturbing their coitus confusedhmm
Hedge photo coming up

fruitbrewhaha Mon 25-Jun-18 17:07:37

What time are they doing it? it's still so light at the moment, it's not completely dark until gone 11pm.

Shine a big torch at them?

Purplehammer Mon 25-Jun-18 17:08:15

Ask if they fancy a threesome.

eurgh Mon 25-Jun-18 17:08:34

The hedge!

sexnotgender Mon 25-Jun-18 17:08:50

Definitely hose the cheeky fuckers.

Dobbythesockelf Mon 25-Jun-18 17:09:04

People regularly have sex in your hedge? Do you live close to a dogging site or something? A one off I could understand but regularly it seems odd.
But my dh works in a car garage and has lost count of the amount of times people have had sex on the car bonnets on a weekend night but he does work next to a nightclub. CCTV doesn't deter drunks either.
I would give them a round of applause when they finish. Might embarrass them or if it is a dogging site they might think you want to join in.....

femidom12 Mon 25-Jun-18 17:09:07

That's disgusting CF's should respect your privet(cy)

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