People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

There was a thread like this a few years ago. Was people having an affair! One was a neighbour.

Stick your head through and ask them if they would like a nice cup of tea when they're finished in the manner of Mrs Doyle from Father Ted.

I'd just pipe up oooh I'd be careful, there's nettles in that hedge!

I've never heard any of my local hedgehogs ask for a finger in the bum... grin

😂 you’re killing me OP!!

Cheap phone hidden in the bushes. Make the ringtone a recording of someone saying something that would scare the bejesus out of them.

Ring when required.

Get some fireworks?

There was a MNer a few months ago had her neighbour shagging in her garden.

@RedToothBrush ooh like the 'do you want to play a game' a la Saw....

Biggest and brightest flashlight you can find, light up the street with it.

Movement activated security light?

Would be great if it had a 5 minute delay to catch them just getting down to it!

Just play bagpipe music. That's enough to put anyone off their stride. Or Rule Britannia. Trust me...

Boombox playing Barry Manilow, just low enough that you can hear if they suddenly get up and scarper!

Come running out the house frantically shouting into the phone omg my tarantulas have all escaped.

Creep next to the hedge and when one 'finishes' shout THUNDER BIRDS ARE GO

@Mycatiskillingme I love that! Or, 'help my black mamba, Betty has escaped into the hedge' 😂

Tell the dog he needs to wee in that hedge.

Watch them run!

Airhorn.
"Oh, I thought you were the nuisance foxes, theyre in that hedge every night around this time moaning and grunting away! Did you see them? I'm planning on buying a hose!"

In your best west country accent bellow "Get 'orf my laaand , you filthy shaaaggers". And then say to the dog "Gwan, Rover, sniff 'um out and bite um in the arse" whilst playing a recording of a shotgun being loaded ala Home Alone.

That should put them off their stride.

Have you actually seen them? Are you sure it's not foxes?

Get some crime type tape and ditch a CSI suit and glove in the bin. Half hanging out. Put up a sign. "Following recently activity in this area forensics have carried out a full sweep. Traces of syphillis and chlamydia have been found. If you have reason to believe you may have been contaminated then please seek medical advice ASAP."

@GinaCarbonara much like the hedgehogs I've never heard a fox ask for a finger in the bum... 🦊

Runny honey over their bit of the hedge. They will end up with an amazing collection of insects over them. You could leave them a book on entomology too in case one of them was getting bored.

Otherwise run black cotton thread through the hedge so they can feel it but not see it. When they get going shout to someone in the house (loud enough for the hedge couple to hear) about the huge spiders web in the hedge and how there must be a nest.

Rig a hose or a sprinkler in the hedge, when they are at it turn it on 😁😁

Buy your Dear Dog a special ridiculously squeaky toy. Lob it towards the hedge at a key moment.