People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Download some songs onto your phone and play it next to the bush.
Lionel Ritchie All Night Long.
Sexy and I know it.

String a load of battery operated remote controlled lights over the bushes and wait...

Can you plant some holly, cacti, prickly plants in your hedge? Or scatter some stinging nettle seeds in it?

I am all for the sarcastic applause or fake noises to let them know you know. Dog poo definitely not, as probably they would complain and perversely you could be the one in trouble with the law.

Or if you find out where one lives, call on them to return a half empty condom packet.

😂😂😂😂 can't beat a finger up the bum in a hedge!

Leave some fun snaps lying on the ground where they like to do the sex. When they stand on them it will scare the hell out of them with the bangs. Let's see how the finger up the bum feels when they jump 10ft 🤣

I can't see the photo

Neem oil mixed with soap suds is a really good bug spray on your hedge ... pity it smells sooooooo bad.
Chilli powder, as I mentioned before is really good at keeping rats and mice away....,whoops. Think you overdid it when you put that on the hedge.

I agree on HOSE.

When they scream and yelp be EVER SO apologetic!

OMG I am SO SO sorry I never expected people to be coupling in a hedge!

@viques that comment didn't get the credit it deserved

Zibbidoo

This thread wins the internet today.

Can I add Sexual Healing to the playlist?

Plus Let's Get It On

And Je T'Aime

Ooh thread of the day 😂

Benny Hill theme. Surely off-putting.

Cut hedge down and replace with a 6ft high brick wall.

I agree with the garden hose suggestion. That would be hilarious!

Please stake it out tonight and keep us informed

You have to have 'In the Bush' by Musique on your playlist. www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3kcRLEnL88.It's the bush shaggers anthem

Buy one of these and put it against the hedge

This is a very PRIVET act!

I don't know how sex in the hedge works. Presumably it's not a prickly hedge like a hawthorn. i suppose beech might be a bit forgiving (if rustly). Privet would work admirably - you could just fold into it. Although you might need a bit of support - maybe leylandii have their uses.

OP put me out of my agony. What sort of hedge is the shagging hedge? We need to know.

Sounds like your hedge needs a good watering

Op it's time to start growing some prickly plants on the ground under the hedge to deter them...

But seriously isn't sex in public a crime because of public decency and stuff like that?...

March over to the hedge with phone in hand, yell, what the hell do you think you are doing on my property in my hedge, and tell them if they don't leave in the next 10 seconds you will be calling the police with a description of them , because this isn't the first time it has happened...

Op the only way it will stop is to confront them...don't be embarrassed, they are the ones who should feel embarrassed...think how gross it is and what sort of person they must be to have sex in someone's hedge , and the owner is sat in the garden...slapper and whatever the male equivalent comes to mind...

Op could they possibly be prostitutes bringing clients to your hedge for a "private" place to "do business"...?

Surely that's indecent exposure?! Couldn't you call the police???

*public indecency...not public decency

I wonder if this is an organised activity?

Do they need a Hedge Fun Manager?