People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Take some of your dog’s poos, and leave them under the hedge - tucked away so people can’t step on them, but where the participants might be having their fun!

I'd leave a note saying to be louder next time - it's hard to pick up noise on your livecream to sexycams.

@NotAnotherNoughtiesTune I don't want to know what 'livecream' is!

Sex in a hedge AND a finger up the bum.

Some people are just greedy 😏

If you have dodgy types locally I wouldn't interrupt them. I would move a dog poo to there. Or run the hose earlier in the afternoon to turn it into a mud bath.

Put up a sign saying that people are welcome to have sex in the hedge as you make money by selling them to amateur porn websites.

I am designing a new cocktail.

I am going to call it Sex In The Beech.

Cheers!

Keep it wet (the hedge obviously)

I second the vote for nettles.

Is it your hedge? From reading MN, I gather you can chop anything off if it encroaches on your garden, but you have to offer it back...

Ohhhh missed that little snippet

Me too,cant see the problem?? lol

Get the dog to use it as a toilet. A hedge sounds uncomfy. Must be kids. Surprised you have not called the cops, I would do, if anyone was on my property. It is trespass and they could be in trouble but it will stop them doing it again. I had the same problem once but with drug dealers who were caught red handed

Phone the non-emergency police and have a chat with them about what they can do

Ooh I love the honey idea, please do that and update us with the results.

Definitely dog poo under the hedge, or send your do out to pee into the hedges, I make mine pee on the flowerbeds occasionally as it deters cats.
Since he’s started that not only do we have fewer cats coming but I’ve never seen anyone shagging in my garden.
I also rarely see shagging inside the house but that’s a different thread...

Or wait till they start and go in the garden and whisper loudly to your phone “they’re back, yeah it’s definitely your husband... ok see you in a minute”

Can some screenshot the pic of the hedge it’s not showing up

I’m crying with laughter here. Thanks OP!

Are they both (or all- are there only 2) male?

Blimey - people are into all sorts aren’t they!!

Some great suggestions here - dog poo is my fave

Creep up close to the hedge on your side and start making sex noises back at them. If they stop, you stop. If they start again, so do you

I’ve done that to noisy neighbours before. Puts them right off their stride

Must remember this. Will be useful in thin-walled hotels.

There is black sticky paint, used to deter burglars I think, which you could splodge around the sex spot. It’s horrible stuff and would ruin their clothes. Prob needs to be in the hedge not on the outside in case of innocent passers y getting blobbed.

Pity that chilli powder got spilled all over your hedge.

Just pop a few catalogues /posters advertising butt plugs on poles in the area.

@HandPickedEklderflower no def a man and a woman - I have a feeling they may live in some nearby flats...but not together