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To wonder why some peoples response is always LTB

(295 Posts)
anon2013 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:06:07

I've noticed over many threads that people say "if it was my DH" all the time and LTB go hand in hand. I've seen people ask for advice today on here and they just get torn to pieces and it's worse if the OP is male.

AIBU to wonder why this is always the case?. If everyone took the advice they got on here sometimes nobody would ever salvage a relationship confused

EldritchCleavage Mon 23-Sep-13 12:12:42

Is this a bit of windy-uppy? Only we have just had this thread a few days ago (at great length) and it is a regular poke-MNers-with-a-stick-and-make-them-cross occurrence.

OK, on the off chance this isn't, you claim:

-women are always being told LTB
-male posters are treated far more harshly
-posted advice is hostile to salvaging relationships.

None of that is true, in my experience. It is true that MN does not give women the kind of dismissive, minimising, conservative and even misogynistic advice they too often get elsewhere.

0/10 for the goad. Try something else.

anon2013 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:16:04

no no it's a genuine thread can link me the other one please?. Reading it back I meant to say the "same people" responding with LTB on every thread.sad sad

EldritchCleavage Mon 23-Sep-13 12:19:34

OK, but I would be wary of appearing to pick out specific posters as giving bad advice. It really is much better to disagree politely on the thread in question.

The latest LTB controversy thread is here.

FavoriteThings Mon 23-Sep-13 12:20:36

There are at least 2 posters who only want an op to ltb.

My theory is they have husbands or partners who do what they want, so cant for the life of them think that maybe all men are not like that.

FavoriteThings Mon 23-Sep-13 12:21:25

op. Dont name them mind. Else it will be you in trouble with MNHQ.

anon2013 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:23:19

That's why I posted this thread. Don't want to name at all was just wondering....

everlong Mon 23-Sep-13 12:23:23

I get you OP.

I think it's easy for someone sat behind a keyboard to keep spouting LTB.

Many times the OP is venting and has no intention of leaving. Or she maybe in a position where it would be very hard to leave.

I'm not talking when the OP is in physical or emotional danger. I'm talking about maybe her DH is a lazy swine, or tight with his money etc.

That's why I stay away from the relationship bit tbh.

Lweji Mon 23-Sep-13 12:25:29

I'm sure it's on on every thread... wink

Perhaps they tend to post on threads where LTB really is the best option.

In which particular thread was LTB unwarranted?

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 12:25:34

You might as well name the posters in question, tbh.

Goading is against talk guidelines. Giving realistic advice that suits the situation, in your own opinion, is not.

FavoriteThings Mon 23-Sep-13 12:27:11

Dont name op.

anon2013 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:27:46

No particular thread I've just noticed it more the last day or so

everlong Mon 23-Sep-13 12:29:01

Ah come AF it's not like the OP's statement isn't true.

There are folk who always say LTB, aren't there?

Totally get you OP and also favoritethings wrt to your theory. My (not-so-dear) Mother has had worse luck with men and even the tiniest trivial moan from me about my DP sparks a huge LTB campaign.

I've learnt to keep my mouth shut about him now.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:31:06

Op, have noticed this too.maybe those saying ltb all the time are just bitter from their own experiences and can't see beyond that being the only solution. I've seen thread where ltb advice was so ott in relation to the thread.

EldritchCleavage Mon 23-Sep-13 12:32:22

Happy now, OP?

anon2013 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:33:00

think I wish I never asked?sad

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 12:35:29

Ah come, everlong. Yes, I see LTB a lot. It's often justified by the time the OP makes it to mumsnet, IMO. As long as she's not getting a black eye or having her child benefit pinched off her though, it's all just "men don't see dirt, really, do they...give him a list and teach him what to do carry on sucking shit etc"

it's a toxic narrative

the reason why women still do 80% (on average) of shitwork even when both of them work FT is because of the "women see dirt, are more nurturing, have to make more compromises, would be controlling to make him pick his own skiddy undies up" bollocks that gets rammed into their consciousness virtually from the minute they are born

I am happy to give a different viewpoint

don't be any man's skivvy

it's a simple message, and an important one. After that, it all makes perfect sense.

everlong Mon 23-Sep-13 12:36:45

Eldritch that isn't fair.

Why shouldn't the OP ask? It's a reasonable question.

Why are you so touchy?

EldritchCleavage Mon 23-Sep-13 12:38:45

I am not touchy. But I am deeply sceptical of these kinds of threads. I can express that if I wish.

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 12:41:40

Yep, these kinds of threads often get regulars tearing strips out of each other. Job done, in many cases. OP should be aware of that.

everlong Mon 23-Sep-13 12:42:03

AF many many times I've seen it where a poster has come on to have a rant for example if her H has not been putting the rubbish out as he should or he didn't unload the dishwasher or maybe even both.

He may have slammed out the door and gone to the pub leaving the OP with the dc to feed and get in bed.

Of course this isn't fair and pretty shoddy but to be told to LTB by a poster that just comes on the thread once then disappears is ridiculous.

Nobody would be married if everybody upped and left if their DH pissed them off.

honeybunny14 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:42:45

Agree with you op but i dont think its the case with every thread ive seen some good and bad advice on here

everlong Mon 23-Sep-13 12:43:27

You can express that Eldritch you're right but so can folk like the OP.

anon2013 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:43:54

I'm pretty new so didn't realise sorry

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