To wonder why some peoples response is always LTB

[anon2013]

I've noticed over many threads that people say "if it was my DH" all the time and LTB go hand in hand. I've seen people ask for advice today on here and they just get torn to pieces and it's worse if the OP is male.

AIBU to wonder why this is always the case?. If everyone took the advice they got on here sometimes nobody would ever salvage a relationship

ah, is he a PBP ?

< gets busy >

Why is it not ok to LTB if he/she has cheated?

Leaving the bastards (even if not permanently) sends a message that it is not ok.

Sometimes people need someone to say LTB to validate their own feelings. A person who doesn't want to leave won't do it just because some people on the web say so but at least they know that other people would be equally upset in the same situation. So either way it offers the support they came here for

well it's getting pretty old and I suspect the op doesn't feel much more awkward than your average poster criticising mn in aibu.

PBP? I don't know that one. Purchaser of Brie Packets? He's def one of those. Fridge stinks!

Hey, I've just smugly sneaked in that he's capable of walking into a supermarket with a debit card, buying shopping and bringing it home!

OP -No such thing as a stupid question but it would have been better to question the advice given on the actual thread (which would obviously be more useful to that OP)

OP -No such thing as a stupid question but it would have been better to question the advice given on the actual thread (which would obviously be more useful to that OP)

It's hard to give advice to someone in a horrible relationship but who has no intention of leaving though. It's like beating your head against a brick wall.

Everlong, if you have read a lot of the "I would never leave him" threads, you will find they are often started by the very women who actually should

So posting supports them/gives them coping strategies in staying in abusive relationship with no exit plan in sight, and I am never going to have that on my conscience

is that the one where he purposely took the condom off without telling her?

yep, she needed to LTB

I don't think you have to have a partner who does everything you say to think that many of the posters on here are in difficult and possible unsalvageable relationships. When I read some of the things that people put up with from their husbands, I wonder how they ever ended up marrying them in the first place. I don't think I've got particularly high self esteem, but I cannot imagine allowing myself to be treated the way some people seem to be on here, and for many issues the problems seem to run so deep that it's unlikely the person will change.
I also think that sometimes a 'LTB' is just a way of confirming to the OP that they are absolutely not being unreasonable/sensitive/having unrealistic expectations - offering such stark advice is almost like a short cut to saying 'This behaviour in so unacceptable that I would understand someone leaving their partner if they treated them this way'. I don't always read it as advice to actually pack up and go, more as reassurance that the OP should expect more from their life partner.

'might be old doesn't make it untrue'

And that doesn't make my observing that it old inappropriate.
So not really sure where this is going.

Fwiw, I do think posters occasionally say LTB where I wouldn't necessarily do that as the relationship might be save-able. But I still think it can be very helpful for the OP to hear the LTB as a validation of what they are feeling or just as another way of looking at the situation, and I doubt anyone ever left their DH on the say-so of one internet poster alone. There are too many OPs who seem to think that their feelings are worthless and that they have no right to question their relationship at all. Even if the LTB just prompts them to consider it from an alternative perspective, I think that is very valuable. If they decide they'd like to work on it, after considering all the facts, then great - at least they have their eyes open to others' views and are not going in blindly without daring to question their partner's behaviour.

Yes.

And I can respond as I wish within talk guidelines.
The threads are weekly.they are often an excuse for a pop at regular posters.
Have I missed something?

the OP can start a thread about it if she likes

That's not in dispute.

Fwiw I've never actually posted LTB and I've been on here about 9 years.

of course they are deserving, everlong, but if they will never leave and it is clear to an abusive partner then no advice to try and manage the situation is going to be useful in the long term

I leave it to others to do the "there there, all men are bastards" shtick

and I am allowed to choose who I post to, yes ?

There is really nothing to be confused about, everlong

If my brand of straight talking "you do know there is a different path to being treated like shit" responses are not welcome, then why would I force the issue ?. It only creates bad feeling. So I stay away, or save it until it is clear that that someone really is at the point of taking that kind of alternative on board. That sometimes happens on the same thread, sometimes not. It sometimes happens a couple of threads or so later, when repeated attempts to appeal to an abuser's better nature have failed and/or the situation escalates.

You don't see that ? Or did you say that you don't go on the relationships board very often ?

If whatever6 is a pbp, why would she have announced it? Unless she was temporarily banned and then reinstated perhaps. If that happens. Does that happen? Would explain the 4 5 and 6.