To wonder why some peoples response is always LTB

[anon2013]

I've noticed over many threads that people say "if it was my DH" all the time and LTB go hand in hand. I've seen people ask for advice today on here and they just get torn to pieces and it's worse if the OP is male.

AIBU to wonder why this is always the case?. If everyone took the advice they got on here sometimes nobody would ever salvage a relationship

I like JacquesiePeacock's post at 13:31. She's hit the nail on the head, I think.

I like JacquesiePeacock's post at 13:31. She's hit the nail on the head, I think.

Perhaps the relationships board needs you, everlong. You could go on there and tell 'em all how they should be doing it

Much like this OP just tried to.

AF. Do you know of people where it worked out best for everyone all round that they split up?

Actually Everlong, that might be worth considering.

I used to swerve relationships as I thought it was horrible at times and my thing is always clear communication, mutual respect and an underlying desire to be kind to those you are supposed to love.
Aggresive confrontation always strikes me as unhelpful and self defeating.

The relationships threads I see now tend, to me, to seem more balanced and reasonable and supportive.
Perhaps it's worth revisiting?

( maybe on a good day...with a glass of wine...and a puppy to stroke...to, you know, keep you chilled )

Yes, I do, FT. Why ? Do you know anyone at all that regretted leaving an abusive man ? The only regrets I have ever seen articulated in this scenario are "why didn't I do it sooner..?"

Or do you in fact mean, did it ever work out for the abuser ? Now there, you got me.

Just excuse me a moment while I go and tell the cross stitch threaders they are doing it all wrong. Or the those on the mental health board, giving of their time, patience and knowledge. Or the doggy ones, they are quite a lively bunch, I've heard.

Oh hang on, I never go in there

erm..

It is refreshing for women to actually realise that it is ok to LTB, than accept that men are just like that, that you (often not the man) has to work at the relationship.

Some men may be shocked into getting better if confronted with LTB, but I do think it will be likely to revert sooner or later, if they hadn't had the humanity and the love to respect their partners earlier on.

PS - I left the bastard and it's definitely better for everyone. Even considering I left because of DV, I do think exH is possibly happier. It's possible he is not happier, but who cares?

Many people report here finding a great partner after miserable previous relationships.

Havent a clue what your last post means.

Totally depends on definition of abusive man. Or abusive woman for that matter.

I meant in rl though. I was wondering for instance whether your mum left your dad?

I think i would LTB if my husband cheated on me. What's the point in being in a relationship with someone who wants to put his dick in other women?

A short search of my posts over the last 48 hours will tell you the answer your question, FT. Do you want to tell me what your point is though ?

People who provide support on the Relationships board often get accused of "armchair psychology"

is that what you are doing ?

Havent a clue what your last post means.

I hope that's for AF.

My posts are always very clear and self explanatory.

add to that..."bitter, twisted, man-hating, trapped in awful marriages etc etc"

it's a level playing field for the name callers on there

strangely though, call an abusive man out on what he is, and you get people piling in to vilify you for it

it's a funny ole world

As are mine, Lweji. To a fault

Post was to AF yes.
Will search you AF

DF. Quite agree on that one.

When you find your point, FT, please do come back and give me the benefit of it.

You cannot seriously expect every poster to know every thread that has been recently posted. I never venture onto the relationships board, so I would have had no idea. Some people are such unwelcoming twats.

It doesn't need me when it has so many other experienced and knowledgeable folk with help to offer

Was just thinking the same.

My parents split up and both were happier. If she'd have posted on mumsnet she'd have been told he was abusive.

I don't know if he still is - don't spend enough time with him to tell, but he is certainly happier with his new wife.

FT, that is a hugely personal question and out of line when AF hasn't offered any information about her own life. Clarifying - fine. Asking intrusive personal questions out of the blue - not so fine.

Sorry AF . Seriously.

Treads and writes gently. Do you think that the way you post is influenced a lot by that? That you place yourself as the child in a lot of relationship posts?

Surely everyone knows of couples where it worked out best for everyone that they split up, even if it's only their kid sister and her series of boyfriends circa 1990?

fwiw, my parents used to shout a lot. But I did see many other realtionships and knew that the shouting was not normal. So was careful that that didnt go on to influence my own life and relationships.