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I feel like I don’t have any close friends

(182 Posts)
BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 15:58:40

I’m 35, married, no children and work in a professional role. I think I’m likeable and there have always been people at work I got along with, go out for lunches, drinks or dinner with, but I don’t have any very close friends.

I have friends who I text, meet up with every couple of months, who send me me birthday cards, for example, so I do have friends.

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with. All of my friends who I might do something with have a close group of friends or a best friend (who obviously isn’t me).

It isn’t about not having children because only a couple of my friends have children and that was fairly recent and I’ve always been in this position.

If anything it’s more about romantic relationships as a couple of my closest friends are in newer relationships where they’ve just moved in with their partners so they’re always doing things with them whereas my DH and I have been together about ten years and I want to do things with other people. Frankly DH often doesn’t want to do the things I want to do.

I don’t really know what my point is but sometimes I feel like everyone has someone to do things with but me and that I don’t have someone to talk to or call I’m feeling crap.

I do have one good friend but she lives far away and has a young child who has behaviour problems. We get on well and we exchange detailed texts about what’s going on in our lives but I don’t see her and we don’t go out and do things together.

I think I’m maybe a bit uptight which doesn’t help.

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Wanderlustnearorfar Wed 15-Apr-20 16:04:02

Hi, I think it’s quite common place although it’s potratyed differently in social media. I’m 30 and what you say resonates. I also am in a long term relationship without children and many of those in my circle have children etc and are in a different path at the moment. Where abouts are you located, I’m London

Dontknowwhatwillmakeitbetter Wed 15-Apr-20 16:04:27

I totally understand. I feel similar in lots of ways. I think this lockdown has really highlighted that I don’t have any close groups to Houseparty with / zoom. It’s making me feel really sad! Partly my fault because I’m quite introverted really although can give the impression of being super sociable when I want to be. Just wanted to say I understand flowers

Wanderlustnearorfar Wed 15-Apr-20 16:06:08

@ Dontknowwhatwillmakeitbetter I also think people are less open as they get older to expand their social circle

Dontknowwhatwillmakeitbetter Wed 15-Apr-20 16:07:57

Totally agree. They’ve got who they want to be friends with and that’s kind of it. Sometimes I’m ok with that as I like my own time, but this lockdown has really highlighted loneliness I think

Wanderlustnearorfar Wed 15-Apr-20 16:10:29

@ Dontknowwhatwillmakeitbetter I think it is possible to connect with others just trickier to meet people as such. Whereabouts are you? I’m in London.

Dontknowwhatwillmakeitbetter Wed 15-Apr-20 16:15:17

I’m east Berkshire

BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 16:16:03

I think it’s quite common place although it’s potratyed differently in social media

I think you might be right.

Same! A colleague mentioned she was setting up a pub quiz with friends and I just thought I don’t have friends to do that with!

I’m also introverted but can probably come across as though I’m not.

I’m in Yorkshire but there’s Zoom 😂

You’re right people are not so open to making friends at our age. Many are preoccupied with children or have friends from school.

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Wanderlustnearorfar Wed 15-Apr-20 16:20:59

It’s a shame there isn’t a socialising section where we could arrange certain events to meet people etc. Get to know new people. I’d be happy to chat with you. You can dm

milkydare Wed 15-Apr-20 16:22:04

I thought I had friends. Then I found everyone I thought was my friend arranging zoom activities with their friends. And I'm never invited. So I was wrong.

BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 16:28:55

Thanks @Wanderlustnearorfar

@milkydare Same. I have friends, but they have other friends, who are higher on their list!

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BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 16:31:49

I think also I have friends who have siblings a similar age.

I have a cousin I used to do things with but she went weird when I got married. As in, doesn’t even talk to me when I see her at family events, and I didn’t drop her or anything. She was weird at the actual wedding.

She was my go to person who I saw every weekend for shopping and food. We don’t have a lot in common now though.

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AprilMay89 Wed 15-Apr-20 16:34:15

You are not alone in feeling that way, the situation we are in has highlighted it to many people, it's really difficult.

I think social media has contributed to this greatly, I wonder if it would be easier if people didn't have such an insight into other's lives

BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 16:39:23

I think social media is part of it but I also know that what’s on social media isn’t always an accurate reflection of the truth. Having said that you can see if people are out doing things or if your friends are always tagging other friends in things.

I don’t post much on social media myself and feel happier when I’m not online as much.

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milkydare Wed 15-Apr-20 16:42:37

You're right, it's that I'm a b list friend. I get "evening invites" for weddings, and get asked to babysit for birthday treats out for friends. It's shit.

AprilMay89 Wed 15-Apr-20 16:46:06

The pictures of people out with friends, or the 'Happy Birthday to my lovely friend' updates can be hard to see.

B list friend is such an accurate description

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow Wed 15-Apr-20 16:46:51

I think this current situation has actually made these feelings more painful. Hearing about zoom parties you are not invited to is painful.

If you have people that send you birthday cards and you meet then I would say you are in a better place than many. “All the lonely people”.

Is this maybe a sign you want to broaden your social circle once this is all over?

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow Wed 15-Apr-20 16:47:37

I would add I have been asked to a few zoom events but receive very few birthday cards!!

WestCovina Wed 15-Apr-20 16:51:18

I feel like this too, it’s really sad. I wish there was a friend finding section on here! I’m 30 and in the south

BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 16:55:52

Yes B list.

There was a thread ages ago where someone called themselves the “meh” friend and it’s that sort of thing.

You’re right that I do have friends and I’m lucky for that. I have a few friends who will usually send me cards, even buy me a gift for my birthday or Christmas, so I do have some good friends.

But I’m not the top or anyone’s list. They’ve all got other friends who they see and do things with more.

I’ve had a bit of a crap year too and maybe that’s part of it as I haven’t had a lot of support but then I’m one of those people who acts like I’m fine. You wouldn’t know I’ve been through the most traumatic time of my life. Well, they do know. But when we meet up I’m chatty and bubble and don’t talk about the shit stuff.

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BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 16:58:09

Yes I’ve seen other posts on here about not having friends or good friends.

@WestCovina Are you a Crazy Ex Girlfriend fan by any chance?

@Wanderlustnearorfar I meant to say you are welcome to PM me any time too!

I have made some online friends in the last year and that has been nice.

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Wanderlustnearorfar Wed 15-Apr-20 16:58:48

Maybe we could create some sort of group and chat. I do think though that social media and the actual media places a kind of unspoken pressure to have a really close always there friendship group which in reality few have, as it’s quite tricky what with life , things that happen etc just makes the rest of us feel shit if we compare.

WestCovina Wed 15-Apr-20 17:00:37

@BunnytheHoneyBee how did you guess grin

BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 17:00:53

Yes that would be nice Wander How would we do that? Just on here?

Yeah I think there are films about groups of friends and maybe it’s not real life. It’s clear from a lot I’ve read even just on Mumsnet that real life isn’t always like that.

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BunnytheHoneyBee Wed 15-Apr-20 17:01:37

West Covina, California... grin

Ha! We already have something in common!

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