I feel like I don’t have any close friends

[BunnytheHoneyBee]

I’m 35, married, no children and work in a professional role. I think I’m likeable and there have always been people at work I got along with, go out for lunches, drinks or dinner with, but I don’t have any very close friends.

I have friends who I text, meet up with every couple of months, who send me me birthday cards, for example, so I do have friends.

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with. All of my friends who I might do something with have a close group of friends or a best friend (who obviously isn’t me).

It isn’t about not having children because only a couple of my friends have children and that was fairly recent and I’ve always been in this position.

If anything it’s more about romantic relationships as a couple of my closest friends are in newer relationships where they’ve just moved in with their partners so they’re always doing things with them whereas my DH and I have been together about ten years and I want to do things with other people. Frankly DH often doesn’t want to do the things I want to do.

I don’t really know what my point is but sometimes I feel like everyone has someone to do things with but me and that I don’t have someone to talk to or call I’m feeling crap.

I do have one good friend but she lives far away and has a young child who has behaviour problems. We get on well and we exchange detailed texts about what’s going on in our lives but I don’t see her and we don’t go out and do things together.

I think I’m maybe a bit uptight which doesn’t help.

Any other TV recommendations, please send them my way!

I’m finding myself with much time to watch TV. Currently watching Five Guys a Week on 4 which is weird.

@ BunnytheHoneyBee not sure what to suggest about how to go about it any ideas?
Has anybody been watching the nest on bbc one? Also if you have Netflix my guilty pleasure is grace and frankie

I met some of my closest friends on Mumsnet. We met on the Style &Beauty boards over ten years ago, formed a private FB group and chat every day. We’ve seen each other through births, miscarriages, deaths and everything else. We meet up in person as often as our lives allow, the London-based ones more so, us regions-dwelling folk less so. I speak to them more than my local friends, and they know all my secrets.

@ HelloDulling that sounds like a fab idea @BunnytheHoneyBee we could possible set up a social media group maybe Facebook or Instagram? Which ever works best? I can set a group up if anyone is interested in joining?
(Gets ahead of herself) What shall We name the group...

I was about to say we could do a whatsapp group or Facebook group

Which would be better?

I’m also thinking what shall we name the group

Settle for me?

@milkydare is that a tv show? Or group name?
I’m open to either Facebook or WhatsApp group

I’m currently watching Manifest on Now TV, pretty good!

@milkydare another fan?

I would be happy for a Facebook or Whatsapp :)

I'm the same. I have a couple friends who would always be there for me if I need them, but we don't have frequent chats and I never feel like I have anyone I can message and say do you want to meet up today or come and see this with me or anything.

The end of last year/start of this year I though DH and I had made a good new group of friends and then just before lockdown started they dropped us, I still haven't figured out why.

I was actually googling how to make friends in your 30s the other day 😳
I don't even know how you get started with making friends 🤷‍♀️

Raises hand shyly - can I be friends? I love Crazy Ex Girlfriend and Grace and Frankie as well.

B-list friend is so accurate it's painful.

@luaa I googled the same thing the other day

In a weird way, it’s nice to know it’s not just me though.

@westcovina @milkydare I am often late to shows am I missing out...🤣

Settle for me

is that a tv show? Or group name?
I’m open to either Facebook or WhatsApp group

Exactly 😂

I liked Manifest too. Is series 2 out yet?

@Luaa Yeah I know. I often think it partly must be me being awkward and people might think you’re weird if you’re talking to strangers.

Once this is over I’m going to try to broaden my social circle. I was attending a fun sewing class pre lockdown when this is all over I’m going back.

@Luaa hi 👋🏻
@PorridgeShotgun Definetly 🙌🏻 Have yet to meet a grace and frankie watcher 🤣
Think we should set up a group 🙌🏻🙌🏻
Hi everyone it’s lovely to meet you all sorry if I’ve missed anyone.

Grace and Frankie was okay

Have any of you seen Schitts Creek?

I’m tempted to give Brooklyn 99 a go.

Otherwise love Greys Anatomy, True Blood (started watching it from the beginning recently), Homeland, Westworld...

I also like reality crap like Made in Chelsea

Wander if you like musicals in any capacity you are 100% missing out!

Ooo I’ve just caught up with Brooklyn 99! I really like it, it’s silly in a good way

Even if you don’t like musicals...

I am awkward, I know that. I'm really bad at small talk, I just can't think of things to say. I'm quite shy and awkward, but I know at work I am opinionated and in control so people probably don't realise I struggle and just think I don't want to talk to them.

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with.

But I think it would be pretty unlikely to have one friend who would have be interested enough to attend specific events that interest you . I mean, I'm currently on lockdown in the middle of nowhere after an international move, and I loathe Zoom stuff, so haven't seen friends in ages, but when I lived in London I used to go to the opera with one friend from time to time, though in practice I often just happened to wake up early and nip down to queue for a cheap ticket, so went alone. And sometimes I went to art exhibitions with another friend, but we have fairly different tastes in art... And honestly, I tended to think that going to the theatre or cinema with a friend was a bit of a waste of friend-time, as those things were equally enjoyable solo, and when I saw friends I primarily wanted to talk to them.

The point I'm making is that I think it's a bit unrealistic to expect to have one go-to friend who magically shares your interests? I say this not to be critical, but to make you feel better!

So would we prefer a whatsapp group or Facebook?

I feel like whatsapp is better if people don’t mind sharing numbers, they’d need to be messaged to one person, me or Wander (if you don’t mind doing it)

I’m exactly like that @Luaa

@Londubh I don’t know. Say if there was a play and you just need a friend to go maybe. I’m not thinking of anything niche. Maybe just a friend who is a good enough friend that they would go to something with you. I’m signed up to something that gives free tickets for shoes sometimes and I feel like I don’t know who to ask!

I have a friend who is sort of my go-to for fitness stuff so that’s good.

Say if there was a play and you just need a friend to go maybe. I’m not thinking of anything niche. Maybe just a friend who is a good enough friend that they would go to something with you

That's just foreign to me as an idea! -- I wouldn't go to something I didn't want to see because a friend asked me. But then I'm very happy going to the theatre alone (and much the best way to get last-minute tickets), so it would simply not occur to me that someone was unwilling to see a play he or she wanted to see unless someone went with them. (Again, not being critical, just offering another point of view, as someone with a lot of friends, but with different ideas about friendship to yours.)

That’s free tickets for shows not shoes. I’m sure I’d have more free tickets for shows.

Shall we go for Facebook group? Who wants in?

More importantly, does anyone know how to set up a Facebook group? 🤓👵