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I feel like I don’t have any close friends

187 replies

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 15:58

I’m 35, married, no children and work in a professional role. I think I’m likeable and there have always been people at work I got along with, go out for lunches, drinks or dinner with, but I don’t have any very close friends.

I have friends who I text, meet up with every couple of months, who send me me birthday cards, for example, so I do have friends.

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with. All of my friends who I might do something with have a close group of friends or a best friend (who obviously isn’t me).

It isn’t about not having children because only a couple of my friends have children and that was fairly recent and I’ve always been in this position.

If anything it’s more about romantic relationships as a couple of my closest friends are in newer relationships where they’ve just moved in with their partners so they’re always doing things with them whereas my DH and I have been together about ten years and I want to do things with other people. Frankly DH often doesn’t want to do the things I want to do.

I don’t really know what my point is but sometimes I feel like everyone has someone to do things with but me and that I don’t have someone to talk to or call I’m feeling crap.

I do have one good friend but she lives far away and has a young child who has behaviour problems. We get on well and we exchange detailed texts about what’s going on in our lives but I don’t see her and we don’t go out and do things together.

I think I’m maybe a bit uptight which doesn’t help.

OP posts:
ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch · 15/04/2020 17:52

This really resonated with me, feel like I'm in the same boat. Have a few friends and lots of people I'm friendly with, but no one I'm close to. Would be invited to the wedding but never be the bridesmaid, kind of thing.
Also in mid-ahem-ish Smile 30s but have kids. People kept telling me about the great close friends they made in NCT, kids nursery, school gate etc, but it never happened for me.

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 17:53

Everyone’s different @Londubh

It’s not that strange for friends to go to a see a show or film together 🙄

OP posts:
BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 17:55

Hi @ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch 👋

Sounds like there are a few of us in the same boat!

Maybe it’s a myth that everyone else has proper friends!

OP posts:
Trolltoes · 15/04/2020 17:56

Another one here that the situation resonants with!

WestCovina · 15/04/2020 17:58

I’d be happy to make a Facebook group, but I’d have to search everyone and add them in. I don’t think we have to be friends on it but not 100% sure

ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch · 15/04/2020 18:01

I second the Brooklyn 99 recommendation by the way, I loved it.
Have just started watching the Marvelous Mrs masiel (or something like that) and enjoying that too.

Keepgoing88 · 15/04/2020 18:03

OP if it's any consolation I'm the same. It gets me down sometimes but one big reason I don't have close friends is that I chose to move away when I had children to be closer to family so really have myself to blame! I have found it's easy to make acquaintances with kids at play group etc but not to make deeper friendships as I just don't have the time or energy to give to them!

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 18:04

I have been in a Facebook group before but we weren’t all friends on Facebook. So it wasn’t a Facebook chat it was a private group. I think we sent our email addresses to someone and they set up the group.

Or maybe you have to be friends with the person who sets up the group 🤔

OP posts:
BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 18:05

Hi @Trolltoes @ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch @Keepgoing88

I think there must be many of who feel this way, way more than Insta or Facebook would have us believe!

I’m encouraged to give Brooklyn 99 a go!

OP posts:
WestCovina · 15/04/2020 18:05

That’s a good point, I’m also in one but the person I’m friends with added me 🤔 any volunteers for a test run?

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 18:08

@WestCovina Volunteers to be in it or to set it up? I don’t mind either way.

I’m just going to do a quick workout before I lose all motivation / get too hungry

OP posts:
WestCovina · 15/04/2020 18:12

To attempt setting one up, I think we’d need 3 of us to try it out?

Wanderlustnearorfar · 15/04/2020 18:14

Hi I’m happy to set up a private group we don’t have to add one another just chat In the group and see how we get along then go from there. Ile get on to it 🙌🏻

WestCovina · 15/04/2020 18:15

Fab Wander!

Enjoy your workout Bunny Smile

BobbinThreadbare123 · 15/04/2020 18:17

I also feel similarly, OP.
Brooklyn 99 is one of the funniest telly programmes I have ever seen in my life. It is also surprisingly sweet and heart warming.

whynotchange · 15/04/2020 18:20

I can 100% relate, I've never had a true "best girlfriend" I've had stages in my life with groups from mums and uni etc but always felt on the b list...

I think also I have a very small family, just parents a sister I don't get in with, so none of these big zoom family things for me either.

It's made me crave a wider circle of friends, I'm in!

milkydare · 15/04/2020 18:20

There's the line in the crazy ex girlfriend song "settle for me" that says "I'm plan B" I can't remember the rest of the line. "like 2% milk, or save ten beef, I almost taste the same".

Wanderlustnearorfar · 15/04/2020 18:24

Right all we have a group 🙌🏻🙌🏻
It’s a private group. Shall we say dm either myself or @BunnytheHoneyBee if you would like to be added

Wanderlustnearorfar · 15/04/2020 18:25

It’s a private group on Facebook meant to say as in not a public group. We don’t have to add one another we can just see how it goes. who we gel with etc

pinksoda35 · 15/04/2020 18:36

Can I join? I have one close friend since we were at primary but although she is single she is never wanting to mingle..she prefers her own company and I get sick of forever suggesting things to only get an excuse for why she won't/can't meet

Seeing and hearing everyone having Zoom parties makes me feel alone, just having someone to text would help as I have had some down days recently.

Luaa · 15/04/2020 18:37

Just sent a pm, but got a bit over excited and forgot what I needed to send. Was it my email address?

elizabethrose · 15/04/2020 18:37

West Yorkshire here and pretty much in the same boat. Plenty of work colleague friends, lots of nice neighbours (except one) and I generally get on with everyone. I just don't have anyone outside of these circles. Never really thought about it until now.

WestCovina · 15/04/2020 18:37

@pinksoda35 of course! It would be great to have a support network during these times too.

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 18:46

Oh I completely missed that @milkydare! 🙈

Hi @pinksoda35 👋

@elizabethrose I’m WY too!

OP posts:
grey261127 · 15/04/2020 18:47

This is me too, totally get the invited to the wedding but never a bridesmaid thing. Have a few close friends but they all live really far away and realistically we only meet about once or twice a year. I left Facebook a few years ago because it make me feel so rubbish not having close friends at home

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