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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

I feel like I don’t have any close friends

187 replies

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 15:58

I’m 35, married, no children and work in a professional role. I think I’m likeable and there have always been people at work I got along with, go out for lunches, drinks or dinner with, but I don’t have any very close friends.

I have friends who I text, meet up with every couple of months, who send me me birthday cards, for example, so I do have friends.

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with. All of my friends who I might do something with have a close group of friends or a best friend (who obviously isn’t me).

It isn’t about not having children because only a couple of my friends have children and that was fairly recent and I’ve always been in this position.

If anything it’s more about romantic relationships as a couple of my closest friends are in newer relationships where they’ve just moved in with their partners so they’re always doing things with them whereas my DH and I have been together about ten years and I want to do things with other people. Frankly DH often doesn’t want to do the things I want to do.

I don’t really know what my point is but sometimes I feel like everyone has someone to do things with but me and that I don’t have someone to talk to or call I’m feeling crap.

I do have one good friend but she lives far away and has a young child who has behaviour problems. We get on well and we exchange detailed texts about what’s going on in our lives but I don’t see her and we don’t go out and do things together.

I think I’m maybe a bit uptight which doesn’t help.

OP posts:
BunnytheHoneyBee · 17/04/2020 17:06

Sorry I meant please PM me if you want to join as I can’t keep track

OP posts:
DICarter1 · 17/04/2020 17:21

I’m in a similar boat. I do have children but two have special needs and from baby/toddler it made it hard to meet people and I was too tired to do anything external as they took all my energy. I still do most of the emotional labour and I think I’ve forgotten I’m a person in my own right. I’m in the East of England 🙂

Summergarden · 17/04/2020 22:46

Oh no Rabbits, that sounds like an incredibly stressful situation!

A lot of the time I’m happy in my own company as a natural introvert. I do enjoy meeting up with friends in real life but I find gatherings of more than 5 or so people really stressful though and can’t face many parties etc. Meeting up 1:1 is my preferred set up really but with everyone so busy these days, childcare issues I find I don’t have many friends who can meet up like that. Shame as going to watch shows or for coffee with a like-minded person is so uplifting.

Bottomplasters · 17/04/2020 23:00

Hey, can I join WhatsApp or Facebook group. I live in Manchester. Just turned 40, well last year. Feel similar made worse as I'm a recovering alcoholic who doesn't drink and I feel my social live has dried up!!

TheBeeatAmbridge · 18/04/2020 02:17

OP I could've written your first post - I'm 34, married a few years, no kids, moved to a new place 18 months ago where I still haven't made any proper friends, just acquaintances.

I think I'm lovely, and I do have some friends but a) they're all from different parts of my life so they're not a big group, and b) I think they all have other friends who rank more highly than me. Even worse, a couple of them have become truly shit at keeping in touch, and sometimes don't even read the messages I send.

I'm going to message you about the group, it sounds like it could be fab.

JustStayHome · 18/04/2020 02:22

I'm the same....
I have one friend who i swap bday / xmas cards with but she's 50 miles away.

I have a very lovely partner but friends would be nice....

He hasn't got any friends either....
Maybe we are both weird 😂

JustStayHome · 18/04/2020 02:23

@DICarter1

Me too.... Wonder if we are close ...

Greenscissors · 18/04/2020 04:26

I have old friends to WhatsApp but not nearby friends- totally get having no one for a coffee/cinema trip. I love a pub quiz but couldn't even begin to get a team together. I use FB to keep track of events but lots of 'bestie' posts are so hard to see.
@JustStayHome @DICarter1 another easterly one here

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 18/04/2020 04:35

I wonder whether having fewer friends is also related to your stage in life? Many ppl posting are in their 30's, a decade when having a family and/or career progression can be all-consuming. I'm 45 and I definitely had a less active social life 10 years ago, because everyone was so busy. Now, many of us have older children so no longer need to organise babysitters and somehow the career/life balance is easier, perhaps our priorities have shifted.

Plus, many women of my age are more confident, because we simply don't care what anyone else thinks!

Bottomplasters · 18/04/2020 08:23

Anyone in Manchester?

BobbinThreadbare123 · 18/04/2020 09:15

@Bottomplasters have you PM'd to join the FB group? I think there are others in the Manc area.

BunnytheHoneyBee · 18/04/2020 10:34

I think I'm lovely, and I do have some friends but a) they're all from different parts of my life so they're not a big group, and b) I think they all have other friends who rank more highly than me

This is exactly me. I’ve always had friends but they aren’t friends with each other. I might have a good friend from one workplace then one from another, one from uni, or whatever. I think when I was younger it was because I could relate better to people on an individual basis, probably still so now.

OP posts:
JustStayHome · 18/04/2020 13:53

@DDIJ

Here if interested

Greydove28 · 18/04/2020 23:01

Hello B friend from another B friend up North! Im happy to be friends with you too if you wanna be friends 😊

BunnytheHoneyBee · 19/04/2020 13:21

Hi @Greydove28 👋

Good to meet some locals!

OP posts:
raspberrypickle · 19/04/2020 15:23

Hi @BunnytheHoneyBee I’ve sent you a pm as I’d like to join in please!

JackMummy12 · 19/04/2020 15:59

I’d love to join too please!

This has been me for a while, just had second baby and thought I’d be able to get out to baby groups and make new friends but now feel that this opportunity has been taken away from me with all this going on. Silly I know but really feel like I am missing out

Jojobar · 23/04/2020 23:32

Hi!- I've just posted a v similar thread in Relationships and was directed over here.

I am a real B list friend. I'm in my 40s so older than many of you. I've got a mum group, but they have best/ better friends elsewhere. I've got a school group I've known for over 30 years but they only contact me if I can do something for them...other friends I'm always on the periphery.

I don't have anyone to invite me to a zoom dinner party which apparently 'everyone' is doing now. Actually I've never even been to a normal dinner party. I don't get invited to stuff and when I invite people to things they're not interested. For my 40th birthday I decided to have a big party. Invited over 100 people. I think 25 turned up...including kids. That was my last attempt at a party.

For me what's made this worse is a recent relationship breakup...I thought we were together for life and he was my best friend for 6 years. I didn't really need anyone else when I had him, but now - it just reminds me how isolated I am.

JustStayHome · 23/04/2020 23:36

@Jojobar

Iv sent you a PM

Notonmyshift · 23/04/2020 23:46

Any room left in the group for a 40 something year old Manchester lass ? Please 🙏

solostar1 · 23/04/2020 23:54

I was just about to start a similar thread, can I join to?

I have zero friends, plenty of people I'm friendly with at work but no actual friends and sometimes I feel so alone.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 23/04/2020 23:59

So glad I found this thread! I would like to join to, if I may. Will send a DM. :)

solostar1 · 24/04/2020 00:02

@DICarter1 I have one with special needs and I've found the same.

Forgot to add I'm 31 and in Bedfordshire.

Notonmyshift · 24/04/2020 00:03

@MandalaYogaTapestry is it possible to Dm from the app on my phone?

IllustriousToad · 24/04/2020 00:04

This post really resonated with me too. Friends just seem to have drifted apart and are at different life stages. Doesn't help they all still in London and we moved an hour or so away. Anyway, I'd love to join a group if possible?