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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

I feel like I don’t have any close friends

187 replies

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 15:58

I’m 35, married, no children and work in a professional role. I think I’m likeable and there have always been people at work I got along with, go out for lunches, drinks or dinner with, but I don’t have any very close friends.

I have friends who I text, meet up with every couple of months, who send me me birthday cards, for example, so I do have friends.

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with. All of my friends who I might do something with have a close group of friends or a best friend (who obviously isn’t me).

It isn’t about not having children because only a couple of my friends have children and that was fairly recent and I’ve always been in this position.

If anything it’s more about romantic relationships as a couple of my closest friends are in newer relationships where they’ve just moved in with their partners so they’re always doing things with them whereas my DH and I have been together about ten years and I want to do things with other people. Frankly DH often doesn’t want to do the things I want to do.

I don’t really know what my point is but sometimes I feel like everyone has someone to do things with but me and that I don’t have someone to talk to or call I’m feeling crap.

I do have one good friend but she lives far away and has a young child who has behaviour problems. We get on well and we exchange detailed texts about what’s going on in our lives but I don’t see her and we don’t go out and do things together.

I think I’m maybe a bit uptight which doesn’t help.

OP posts:
Dontknowwhatwillmakeitbetter · 15/04/2020 18:51

This is a lovely thread! I’ve just checked back in and I’m totally up for a Facebook group thing! I’ve never messaged anyone on here before, I’ll try now

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 18:57

Hi @grey261127 and @Dontknowwhatwillmakeitbetter

OP posts:
elizabethrose · 15/04/2020 19:02

I suppose I've never thought about it as I'm either at work, or seeing to the kids. Evenings and weekends are taken up by dancing and gymnastics for the kids, so that can take up much of my "social" time. I have a partner but he works away for weeks at a time, so I'm quite self-sufficient. So independent infact that the other half being furloughed is driving me insane! If I had tickets to a show, or wanted a night out "with the girls" though, I wouldn't have anyone to call upon.

pinksoda35 · 15/04/2020 19:07

I do like my own company and am quite happy for hours with a book! I am also lucky me and my Partner are the best of friends too and we do enjoy spending time together but I miss silly girlie chats and giggles and don't really have anyone to do these with.
Having that one friend who you know will always have your back and be there whenever

SallyLovesCheese · 15/04/2020 19:25

Oh, I'd like to join please! I'm late 30s, always wished for a close friend I could call on a random Saturday morning and say "fancy some window shopping and a coffee?" and it would happen. But I always end up going alone, it's quite depressing. We moved a year ago and I have a 15-month-old DS, but like @ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch I haven't made those friends at NCT or playgroups I thought I would. Feeling very lonely here.

Do I DM my email address to @BunnytheHoneyBee ?

BobbinThreadbare123 · 15/04/2020 19:30

I'd like to join as well. I'm S Cumbria

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 19:31

Yes please message either me or @Wanderlustnearorfar

OP posts:
Livpool · 15/04/2020 19:37

I'm the same - feel like I have friends but not close ones as we don't meet up or call each other all of the time

carrottopper · 15/04/2020 19:43

I'm in exactly the same boat. I have friends who send cards/presents and I meet up with every couple of months but I don't have a friend who I share things with. I find them quite wishy washy. Say all the right things but so many plans just fizzle out because no one commits. I'm in Yorkshire too! Greys Anatomy fan here!

MaureenSowerbutts · 15/04/2020 19:44

I feel exactly the same, I think the lockdown has highlighted this for so many people. I'm mid 40s and have a few friends, none are local though and we don't speak regularly. I wish I had one friend I could just do stuff with.

PorridgeShotgun · 15/04/2020 19:49

Definitely give Brooklyn 99 a try it's funny and sweet at times and if you like cop shows it works for cases of the week stories and parody. I love the character of Capt Holt the best.

It seems like there are loads of us in the same boat which is quite cheering actually.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 15/04/2020 19:56

I've been feeling exactly like this today. I have friends, but I'm definitely the b list friend. I rekindled a couple of friendships a year or two ago and then realised i was making all the effort so i decided to see how long it took them to contact me. That was September 18 and I'm still waiting!

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 15/04/2020 19:56

If you like Brooklyn 99 have you tried parks and recreation?

bondbaby · 15/04/2020 20:17

OP I could have written your first post! Funny how many of us feel the same way, I was just thinking recently how lockdown hadn't really changed much for me! Thought & Sally I'm still waiting for all the magical mum friends too - I always thought they were my last hope!

carrottopper · 15/04/2020 20:19

Absolutely! I was waiting on the magical mum friends and 7 years on still waiting. Really thought it would happen. Met lots of people but no one I would just phone up just because.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 15/04/2020 20:38

You all sound lovely.

I wonder if some people are too self sufficient or perhaps individualist? I am lucky to have some lovely friends but never really been in a big group of girls. I don’t think I fit that mould!

SallyLovesCheese · 15/04/2020 20:43

@bondbaby @carrottopper Yeah, I've met other mums, but always feel on the periphery. Probably my own fault but I don't know how to put it right!

Wanderlustnearorfar · 15/04/2020 20:44

@calledyoulastnightfromglasgow hi your welcome to join our group chat if you would like 🙌🏻
Id say Im pretty self sufficient and will happily do things independently I am lucky to have a few close friends but they are dotted about

bondbaby · 15/04/2020 20:56

Actually, now I think about it the best 'mum friends' I have are the ones from the baby thread that I was on here for my first baby.

We did a fb group that's still going a couple of years on and it's a real shame that we're spread out all over the country because I'm sure we'd have a great time if we could meet up regularly!

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 21:38

Haven’t tried Parks & Recreation, no

Yeah I was on an antenatal group on here too and it was a lovely bunch. We have a Facebook group but I lost my baby (she was a full term healthy baby but she died before she was born) so I was just on a different path to them.

PS maybe message Wander if you’re trying to get into the Facebook group as o am failing 😬

OP posts:
carrottopper · 15/04/2020 21:38

Can I join the group please? How do I send my details? I'm on my phone and can't see an option for a direct message etc

bama4 · 15/04/2020 21:47

I'd love to join aswell. On the app and unsure how to DM???

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 21:50

I’m don’t really use the app so not sure

OP posts:
Luaa · 15/04/2020 21:58

I hope I've sent messages to the people who wanted to join and couldn't figure out how to send messages?

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 22:05

Well done @Luaa that didn’t occur to me!

OP posts:
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