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Original poster

I feel like I don’t have any close friends

187 replies

BunnytheHoneyBee · 15/04/2020 15:58

I’m 35, married, no children and work in a professional role. I think I’m likeable and there have always been people at work I got along with, go out for lunches, drinks or dinner with, but I don’t have any very close friends.

I have friends who I text, meet up with every couple of months, who send me me birthday cards, for example, so I do have friends.

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with. All of my friends who I might do something with have a close group of friends or a best friend (who obviously isn’t me).

It isn’t about not having children because only a couple of my friends have children and that was fairly recent and I’ve always been in this position.

If anything it’s more about romantic relationships as a couple of my closest friends are in newer relationships where they’ve just moved in with their partners so they’re always doing things with them whereas my DH and I have been together about ten years and I want to do things with other people. Frankly DH often doesn’t want to do the things I want to do.

I don’t really know what my point is but sometimes I feel like everyone has someone to do things with but me and that I don’t have someone to talk to or call I’m feeling crap.

I do have one good friend but she lives far away and has a young child who has behaviour problems. We get on well and we exchange detailed texts about what’s going on in our lives but I don’t see her and we don’t go out and do things together.

I think I’m maybe a bit uptight which doesn’t help.

OP posts:
Elisebev · 15/04/2020 22:22

I’ve sent you a PM @BunnytheHoneyBee with my email address. Hope to chat soon

LadyofDispleasure · 15/04/2020 22:28

Great idea! Have sent a message and hope to join you all Smile

Dimosaur · 15/04/2020 22:31

I'm exactly the same, I have no close friends.
Actually no friends at all really.
A few girls in a WhatsApp group I met at baby groups...
My fault, I'm introverted for the most part and would rather just be at home than out socialising, because that's safe, but it goes bite you on the bum, when you've noone to call when you're fed up, or let off steam about OH, or tell your good news to first.
It's sad, but I've accepted it now.

Jupiters · 15/04/2020 22:37

I know how you feel! I think lockdown is amplifying this. Seeing everyone on social media with their houseparty/zoom chats. I've got friends, but none that I'm top of the list for... I'm a B list friend.

Dimosaur · 15/04/2020 22:40

I'd love to join too please!
Also on the app and no idea how to message people.

HowManyNameChangesNow · 15/04/2020 23:01

Hi. Can I join as well? B list friend is exactly how it seems. I'm from Yorkshire and Cumbria originally, though not there at the moment.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 15/04/2020 23:06

I think part of it is, say if there’s a show on I’d like to see or an event I’d like to go to, I don’t have that one bestie who I can call / text to go with.

What about asking a group of ppl and just seeing who wants to come along? I like theatre and usually go with DH or one particular friend, but pre-Lockdown, I had a conversation with some neighbours and realised that some were also interested so I asked them if they wanted to see an upcoming play. Turns out they did and we ended up as a group of 8 as they asked a few ppl too.

Sometimes it works to throw things out there and see what happens. I've done this with other get-togethers and I usually end up developing closer friendships with one or two in the group.

ScreamingKid · 15/04/2020 23:23

Sorry to hear about your daughter @BunnyTheHoneyBee Flowers

I am an introvert and have a friends dotted about but I'm not particularly close to anyone. I mostly dont mind though Blush. I had an invite to a zoom call from DHs group of friends and went and had a bath instead.

CyberNan · 15/04/2020 23:25

well I feel much better now... I thought it was only me that felt they had no close friends. since lockdown I will text people and they respond but there are very few making first contact... its not as though I want to actually spend much time with people but it would be nice to be in someone's thoughts...

anyone in Norfolk? I'm not keen on joining a social network group but would love to have someone to go to the theatre, a gig, art show or just browse around antique shops on a sunday afternoon...

Happyhappy37 · 15/04/2020 23:41

Hello everyone, sounds like a great idea, sadly I don't have a Facebook account, wattsapp group would be great too. I am S.E London based.
I have no friends.

Original poster
BunnytheHoneyBee · 16/04/2020 08:15

Thank you @ScreamingKid

I think I’d feel like that about DH’s friends though. My friends are v different to his.

That’s a nice idea @AmICrazyorWhat2 I haven’t really got to know the neighbours that well yet as we moved in last year at a difficult time but I would like to get to know the neighbours more. Most of them are much older than us.

The other thing is friendships change over the years. My DH says he thinks all women are like that, close to different women friends at different times, and I suppose you get lucky if two of you are needing a friend at the same time.

It’s clear many of us are in the same boat.

We have set up a Facebook group so please message one of us if you’d like to join.

I will message you @Dimosaur

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 16/04/2020 09:17

Just to put another slant on this, I don't have any friends but this is by choice. I'm only on anonymous social media. I have colleagues i get on well with and a few loose aquaintances. I choose not to have friends because I just feel it's an additional set of people I have to please and I don't have Facebook or anything because I feel it's another set of people I need to acknowledge/respond to all the time. It's probably just me, but I'm happier this way.

Original poster
BunnytheHoneyBee · 16/04/2020 10:58

@Bluesheep8 I think you’re in a completely different position but good that you’re happy. We’re obviously talking wanting closer friendships.

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 16/04/2020 11:17

bunnythehoney yes I see what you mean, I was just trying to say that it's ok not to have close friendships and no need to feel pressure to have them. But yes, we are in completely different positions, I accept that. Best wishes and I hope you manage to join up with new friends Flowers

Cappucinoextrachocolate · 16/04/2020 11:40

Can I join? bunnythehoney I sent you a pm. Happyhappy37 I am in the South East - West Sussex, feel free to PM me.

Original poster
BunnytheHoneyBee · 16/04/2020 13:00

Yes I see what you mean @Bluesheep8 I think, as some have said up thread, perhaps there is a societal pressure to feel like you “should” have a big group of good friends because that seems to be what’s portrayed on Facebook or social media. I think that’s maybe part of it. Best wishes to you too.

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 16/04/2020 13:05

bunnythehoney yes that's EXACTLY it, you just put it better than me!

Thatone5 · 16/04/2020 13:59

I’d love to join any Facebook socialising Mumsnet group as I feel in the same boat as many of the posters here. Please private message me if needed to send me the Fb group link. I’m based in south east England by the way. Slightly north from London

Fawnandwren · 16/04/2020 18:44

Hello! Please may I join this group? I am 30 and I live just outside of London. I have some friends, however I don't feel like I have anyone around me (friends wise) that are very genuine.

B List Friend definitely springs to mind.

Thanks

EatingIsMyHobby · 16/04/2020 20:20

Yep, I'm a B List friend too! Whenever I'm close to anyone and think that they might class me as a good friend they start going on about their 'best friend' and it's never me! My 'best friend' from school had another friend as her bridesmaid and I was only a B List ie evening reception guest. Another friend moved away but often comes back to the area to see family but has never once mentioned meeting up to me.

I have started cutting people off who treat me like a B List friend. Starting to think I'd rather have no friends than be a fall back option.

RabbitsGoneRogue · 16/04/2020 20:32

I feel the same really. I do have some friends but no one who will really show up for me, a lot of the time it’s fine but there are times it just hurts and makes me feel incredibly worthless.
Currently going through a horrific separation and of the friends who know, no one has really been supportive or available - despite knowing I’m in lockdown with someone I’m divorcing! So sympathy OP 🙂 But I don’t know how to resolve it!

BobbinThreadbare123 · 16/04/2020 20:41

@RabbitsGoneRogue - if you want to rant/vent, you can PM me. I've been through a divorce where 'friends' disappeared like rats off a sinking ship. I'll be your bud.
I'm not even the B list friend. I'm the Z list, even on an anonymous forum, sometimes!

Original poster
BunnytheHoneyBee · 16/04/2020 20:55

@RabbitsGoneRogue I’m sorry you’re having a tough time and your friends are not being supportive

If you’d like to join the Facebook group please PM me or @Wanderlustnearorfar

OP posts:
NerdImmunity · 17/04/2020 00:04

I feel exactly the same OP. I have some friends and work pals but if I'm at loss for things to do at the weekend I don't feel close enough to anyone to call them and ask them to do something. I always assume they're busy with their main friendship groups. I do feel quite lonely at times, but I'm a bit introverted so I think it's my own fault as I tend to shy away from events and socialising where I'd feel out of my comfort zone a bit. :-(

I'm 30 and thought I'd feel less socially anxious by this stage in my life!

Would be keen to join a fb group

Original poster
BunnytheHoneyBee · 17/04/2020 17:06

Sounds very familiar @NerdImmunity

Please PM any PPs who have mentioned joining the FB group as I don’t know has and who hasn’t yet (haven’t quite linked everyone to their MN identity!)

OP posts: