Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

I sympathise with people who genuinely did not know but hiw many was this? And how would we know who to compensate even if the money were available?

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/waspi-latest-compensation-legal-challenge-pension-b2976014.html

I would like to take my daughter to Africa on holiday. For context, I am Black British and my husband is white. He does not like long-haul flights and is refusing to agree to the trip. His view is that because I visited South Africa four years ago, there is no need for us to travel to Africa again, and that we should choose a closer destination such as Europe instead.
My daughter, who is of mixed African heritage, has never been to Africa and is devastated that she is not being allowed to go.

My husband is threatening to divorce me, should I go ahead and book the holiday?

Has anyone bought anything recently that fits the 'office to drinks' brief?

As the summer approaches I have loads of 'CPD then drinks' and work summer party type events. I have a million dresses but feeling like I have nothing to wear... Wouldn't haven't to be black, grey or navy but can't be too wild or too much like a wedding guest.

Size 10-12, 5ft3, with a C-section tummy, 41, lawyer. Also I live in The Frozen North so 'Summer' is not necessarily that warm...

Help welcome and desperately needed.
I’ve been seeing a man for the past 5 years. We don’t live together, live about an hour apart and each have one DS from previous marriages. I’ll be honest it’s been very up and down relationship, mainly because he’s always been very secretive and evasive - as humiliating as it is to admit he’s not yet introduced me to a single person in his life, and has never told me where he lives. Always seeing me at my home. He has refused to meet my son or allow me to meet his for context. Despite this I’ve continued to believe he was committed to me.

About two months ago he told me his ex wife was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer that’s spread to her liver. He has said this is terminal and she’s on end of live care. This deterioration of health is in the space of less than two months.
Since he revealed this he has pulled away from me more than ever (he has always blown hot and cold), continually reinforcing that his son is his only priority and his words yesterday “I’m irrelevant”. We had a date planned yesterday as he’s not seen me for two weeks (not uncommon and always driven by when he can see me around his shift work and hobbies - cricket, having his son etc) and he stood me up just two hours before claiming he needed to be there for his son (13) as he wasn’t going to school. He didn’t apologise, made no attempt to call me to reschedule, pretty much blanked me. He then ignored my attempted calls in the evening and when I asked him he refused to call me back saying I could wait all night as his phone was charging.

His messages yesterday evening were very hurtful and filled with contempt towards me. He said he didn’t know when he could reschedule seeing me given it’s a “waiting game” referring to his ex wife. All of a similar dismissive and avoidant vein. Just two days before he was saying how much he was looking forward to seeing me and ended his call with “love you”. Hence why I’m reeling now.

Whilst I’m compassionate towards his ex wife and completely appreciate his son is his priority in such difficult circumstances and that it’s alot for my partner to deal with too. I’m still deeply hurt by the fact I just feel discarded and abandoned by him. Surely a partner of five years, albeit in not the best relationship driven by his secrecy and evasiveness, still feel he owes me some respect and care and would not just disregard and pretty much discard me. I can only imagine if roles reverse I’d never treat him in this cold and cruel way, I’d lean into him, want his support and still want to see him.

I’ve fully invested 5 years into this relationship where he has said alot about wanting to progress, how committed he is to me, how he’s my best friend as well as partner etc It’s not just making me question everything, my anxiety is through the roof and I feel heartbroken and like a fool, that he’s been stringing me along for years. Haven’t a clue how to proceed now given he’s refused to see me indefinitely and even not calling me.

Any advice?

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

I’ve started looking for a wedding dress - not booked yet but very, very low key next year - 2nd marriage for us both and likely a family meal and night in a hotel for us.

I’m 45, 5ft6, hourglass size 14, grey hair and olive skin/brown eyes. Suit bodycon (appreciate not in fashion rn!), midi or maxi length and like structured, modern looks. Ideally sleeves or shoulders covered, though could add a caplet or similar if sleeveless.

I found this Roland Mouret which is a bargain, and assume I would need to size up to a 16?

Or if anyone has other dresses/designers to suggest -
My budget is around 1k (my dream would be this 5k Vivienne Westwood or this). The only other I have liked online is this (bit ott)

What were they?
i have two girls, and I’m a fan in different names - but not made up names, IYKWIM.

when I was pregnant with my first I watched Moulin Rouge, and for quite a while I was convinced that Satine would be the perfect name, but my partner said no.
my second I was desperate for Vivienne, which in in itself is a gorgeous name, but combined with Satine seemed to follow a trend of ‘ladies of the night’ (pretty women) so my partner said no again.

whats the most out there names you considered for your children?

my top boys name was Moss. Not sure I’d have gone through with it.

I bought a tiramisu from a supermarket yesterday. It was maybe 10 cm squared.

DH doesn’t usually buy desserts, he prefers to make them fresh. So I buy for myself and offer him some and sometimes he says yes. I think of them as mine though I’m usually happy to share. We don’t have a dessert every night.

I ate about 20% of it yesterday - it was delicious but it’s pretty rich and few spoonfuls are enough. I cut another 20% today after dinner for myself. I reminded DH we had tiramisu if he wanted some.

Baby was crying so I rushed through the tiramisu and went to settle them. I came back to find the rest of the tiramisu had gone! DH said I had eaten “half” (!) (Tbf he probably didn’t know I had some yesterday) so he had the other “half”. I’d been thinking I was going to save some for tomorrow. I’ve just looked at the box and it says it is 4 portions.

Is it fair to think of the desserts as mine? (DH is very generous with his baking but he’d definitely comment if I scoffed down most of his biscuits or whatever.)

Was it fair for DH to eat the rest of what I thought was my dessert?

Would it have been fair for me to have three portions (one yesterday, one today, one tomorrow) while DH has just one?

Semi-lighthearted. I’ll provide a bit more context later.

My best friend (54M) is getting married next year. to his fiancée (35F) been together years and have a young child together.
She is moving into his home permanently and giving up her own place in the process. He has more savings and assets than she does, & she has zero. which is why he originally wanted a prenup as he had been stung in the past in relationships.
From what I understand, she was very hurt by the idea and basically said she wouldn’t feel able to go through with the marriage if there was a prenup involved. she has said that marriage should mean full commitment and security, especially when she’s giving up independence and financial stability to build a life together.

He ended up deciding he would rather marry her without a prenup than lose the relationship.
i personally think he’s being naive and worry that refusing any prenup is a red flag.

So my partner of about 6 months - his son is getting married in about a months time but he told me I’m not invited. Im thinking it’s because we are only “new” ? I mean it hasn’t really bothered me but he wants me to go with him to pick out a new suit and I’m hearing about it nearly every day obviously my partner is excited and I was thinking it would be nice to get dressed up and be included- even if they didn’t want me in family photos which I would understand of course. Is this normal - not to be invited.

I cannot believe that the people who were on board the cruise ship and who have contracted/been exposed to the hantavirus are all being repatriated! Why on earth were they not all kept on the ship until medical personnel were sure they were not infected? I don't care if they wanted to get home to their families - they are a potential danger. So now we have people in France, the UK and I think Japan who have travelled with other people back to their own country. It's madness.,

A friend is getting married in NYC later this year. The dress code is black tie. The venue has not been disclosed and will not be disclosed until the day of the event to avoid media attention as they are within the celebrity sphere (I know them through family and am very much not from this world)
Any advice on something suitably glamorous given there may be a few A listers present and I don’t want to look out of place? I’m 5’7, size 8-10. Budget not really an issue

Does anyone know what could have caused this?
I usually have good skin. I'm in my 50s and been on a hrt patch for a while so that's not new. No other meds.
I'm abroad next week should be sunny. I'm worried it'll get worse.
Also can anyone recommend a good sun cream for the face?
TIA

How do you deal with it.
she puts all over Facebook how wonderful she is, they are trying to bribe him to do one week at theirs and one at mine, but in the last 11 years of his life haven’t been interested except every other weekend. Like this weekend was their weekend to have him, they went away so palmed him off to his sister. So won’t seem him for a month effectively, they couldn’t do that is they do week on and week off. She makes all the decisions, tellls him if he’s allowed to let my child walk him alone from school etc. I cannot talk to him privately it has to be with her in a group chat. I pay for him to do a club, they now turn up to watch but don’t contribute, the instructor is on about telling them they can’t be there because of the way they are him to. Currently his school as he’s in year 6 have all my concerns about Their control and brining etc on file, do I set a meeting up when he starts secondary to discuss with the head teacher my concerns again. His dad told him doing his best is Currently failing him because he was 2 marks off passing mock tests. The kid is scared of not passing.
all of Facebook though this weekend when they were away they put up ‘FaceTime to check in on xxxc’ but they never normally check in on him. Everyrbinf is for this big Facebook show. And he’s really irritating me now. Like his residential they turned up to take a photo of him with his suitcase for Facebook and then didn’t wait for him to leave they just went. They have taken him on 1 holiday that his mother paid for in fbe last 11 years when I have worked out today they have been on 48 weekends/ weeks abroad’s away in that time. It’s awful.

This is starting to drive me a little bit mad.

DD is almost 12 and from being a baby I’ve always read to her at night. I don’t mind doing this but I feel like she should now really just read to herself and say good night to me.

It’s just us at home and usually I’ll send her off for a shower about 8pm. Once she’s out I go in. Then I read to her and try to say good night. This is where she then goes to the toilet 4 or 5 times to ‘get it all out’ which drives me mad too.

I thought by this age she would read to herself for 15 -20mins and we could just say good night to each other and that be it.

Have I got this wrong? I can’t seem to just send her off to bed, I feel like I’m still involved with a much younger child. Is 12 too early to expect this?

For background bedtime has always been tough, never slept through and has been on melatonin since she was 8, we are going to use the last of this box and stop as she’s on such a low dose now I do think it does much. She’s always messed about at bedtime to some degree.

Any words of wisdom?

I recently worked out my pension (combo of state, private and work) is worth £57,000 a year. This might not sound like a lot but I currently earn £45,000 a year. It struck me as strange that my pension is more than my current salary. I started my private pension in my early 20s and am now mid 40s so have been contributing a long time.

Everyday currently feels like a slog and the money doesn’t go far. I am working hard on trying to increase my income but not making much progress.

I am still 20 years off retirement so there is still hope for progression but at the moment it seems so strange that I have to wait for retirement to be better off.

Am I doing it all wrong and putting too much money in my pension pots? Or am I deluded and this is actually a measly pension?

Hi
My DS is currently sitting his A-levels and has recently decided he’d like to study Economics at university. His subjects are Maths, Economics, and Computer Science, with predicted grades of 3 A*s.
As he doesn’t take Further Maths, he didn’t apply to LSE this cycle, as we understood the chances there can be quite limited without it. He’s now considering taking a gap year to study Further Maths and prepare more thoroughly for the TMUA, with the aim of improving his chances at universities such as LSE, Imperial, UCL, Warwick, etc. (His recent TMUA score was unexpectedly low).
Would this generally be considered a sensible route. Any advice or experiences would be really appreciated. Thanks

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

I know, I know, we’re all shocked.

In the King’s speech today. A new tourist tax that would be applied to overnight accommodation. It’s called the Overnight Visitor Levy Bill and could add around 5% onto hotel, B&B, guesthouse costs. They are pushing it through as we speak, I guess in time for summer.

I am desperate to find a pinky nude matte-ish lipstick similar to the ones Lucy Punch wears in Amandaland. I’m quite pale and find Pillow Talk comes out REALLY orange on me.

Does anyone have any ideas?

Not stylish AT ALL but I have finally found a housecoat after months of searching. I have a white cat with longish fur and a black cat so everything I wear in the house is instantly a cat fur magnet and I have spent a fortune on sticky rollers and invariably go out looking like a furry mess....lovely.
I had given up hope of ever finding one. I remember my grandmother wearing one round the house. She was incredibly stylish and well dressed and would never have exposed her nice clothes to children, animals or housework but would take it off if she was going out or expecting visitors.
I think they are due for a comeback 😀

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09RPX62RS/ref=syn_sd_offsite_mobileweb_50?ie=UTF8&psc=1&aref=z12Im60v0s&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zZF9vZmZzaXRlX21vYmlsZXdlYg&tag=dradisplay0bb-21&th=1

Unless in extreme cases (ie SEN, extreme mental health or other complex needs) or parent is qualified teacher, I fundamentally disagree with home ed.

It's insular and doesn't prepare kids for the real world.

I've seen first hand some shocking examples that I can't go into for confidentiality reasons but common thread was parents arrogantly assumed they had same skills as teachers with masters degrees. Reality was kids were really behind, had no proper structure or routine.

It's worrying that so many people see home ed as a viable lifestyle choice. I know school system not perfect at all but isolating children at home or in small home ed group echo chambers isn't healthy.

I love my partner and they’re amazing in every single way except one thing.
except they sometimes drink and drive. Not so they’re blind drunk of course but sometimes 1 or 2 drinks more than they should or such a small amount that they may not be over the limit but verging on it and skating think.
I’ve told them categorically how this is wrong and the risks of this, car crash, hurting other people, losing their license etc etc.
my partner doesn’t have a drinking problem (alcoholic etc) but this really pisses me off.
I just don’t know what to do now and how to deal with this. I feel like I’m not being heard when I say I don’t like this and how serious it is.
I don’t want this relationship to end as it’s perfect in every other way but this has to stop. Please don’t ask me to “shop” them but I need some advise about how to get this through to them.

Hi all,

With summer approaching, I am looking for the best place to buy quality plain T-Shirts. I have bought them from Primark and H&M in the past, but they didn't last very long and the colour faded after only a couple of washes.

I am a size 16 and prefer a loose-fitting T-shirts rather than tight ones. I also would like to buy a range of colours, not just White and Black.