Not drunk but driving

[Thesafetygeneral]

I love my partner and they’re amazing in every single way except one thing.
except they sometimes drink and drive. Not so they’re blind drunk of course but sometimes 1 or 2 drinks more than they should or such a small amount that they may not be over the limit but verging on it and skating think.
I’ve told them categorically how this is wrong and the risks of this, car crash, hurting other people, losing their license etc etc.
my partner doesn’t have a drinking problem (alcoholic etc) but this really pisses me off.
I just don’t know what to do now and how to deal with this. I feel like I’m not being heard when I say I don’t like this and how serious it is.
I don’t want this relationship to end as it’s perfect in every other way but this has to stop. Please don’t ask me to “shop” them but I need some advise about how to get this through to them.

How many drinks are we talking?

Obviously not in Scotland then!

Do you get in the car with him @Thesafetygeneral?

This would be a complete and utter deal breaker for me.

Well as you refuse to let the Police know he's a drunk driver if he DOES harm someone it's on YOUR head too as far as I'm concerned.

You are covering up for him.

Your partner is taking needless risks. If he is caught, he could be in all sorts of trouble. Having one more for the road is simply not on.

Russian roulette with other people's lives.
He's an idiot.

Would you feel bad if they killed somebody ?

Everything you’ve all said I know. How do I smash it into someone’s head though that this isn’t acceptable. I don’t want this relationship to end but this behaviour has to stop.

I was the child of a drunk driver father. He crashed with me in the car and he killed someone else, and severely injured me. It was never blind drunk, he was a high functioning alcoholic. One who killed. One who risked the life of his own daughter. These people do not change.

Them?? Why the obfuscation about whether we are talking about a man or a woman? The answer would be the same regardless of the person’s sex.

I’m just not into someone who would be prepared to put their own need for a drink over the possible loss of life of innocent people.

And I say that as someone who likes a drink. Still no need to do it and get in a car. That’s pure selfishness (or addiction in a small %.of cases).

Its a a simple as

You dont want to shop them but if they kill someone how will that sit with you

Yes thia is deliberately harsh

Possible cheerio to,licence,job,mortgage payments?,prison sentence,knowing you injured or killed someone.
And for what
A couple of drinks.

My 5 year old cousin was killed by someone who only had a couple ....

Buy him a breathalyser and tell him to check before he drives. It might be that he doesn’t believe he’s actually over the limit.

I wouldn’t stay with someone who was driving knowingly over the limit, or who had the ability to check and didn’t.

@Thesafetygeneral you can’t change someone’s fundamental character, you might as well give up now. You can’t bludgeon someone into being a decent human being.

You can’t change someone else’s behaviour, only your reaction to it. You will never, ever convince him to stop. If you continue to tolerate this you’re a bad person too. Walk away.

Them / they / he / she? I wasn’t being obtuse. It was just the way I’d worded it and wasn’t intended to confuse as the sex of the person is irrelevant.
I wasn’t asking for a judgement I was asking for some real advice about what to do here and what I should do going forward. As I said, it’s sometime just one more pint than I feel acceptable. So 2 not 1 but that’s too much in my opinion.
how do I take that? Please be kind as I’m trying too do the right thing here

So you want advice on how to convince them to stop but you won’t shop them? and you don’t want the relationship to finish?

Think of it this way. By not doing the decent thing in case it messes up your relationship, you are condoning their behaviour. Presumably your conscience would be clear if they then had an accident and killed a child?

I suppose you would be able to rest in the knowledge that you didn’t report them and that your relationship is still intact.

Obviously it’s little consolation to the grieving family.

You are all right. I absolutely won’t let or condone it again and if they do this again it’s over and they will be reported

So you went from refusing to report and wanting the relationship to saying you will report and split with him over the course of 36 minutes? Okay then 🙄

In reality I’m sure things will continue in the same way. Best hope nobody gets killed. I guess.

Just to fully inform you @Thesafetygeneral

Under UK law, a passenger who knowingly gets into a car with a driver they know is heavily intoxicated can be charged as "complicit" or an accessory to offences, including death by dangerous driving.

Are you prepared to accept those consequences to your own life @Thesafetygeneral, let alone what he could do to an innocent bystander

Oh apparently there’s been a complete change of heart 🙄

This isn’t helpful. I’ve said I'll deal with it and I mean it. Don’t pretend to judge me for my next steps as you don’t know me. I will not let this continue. I asked for the tools to help me reiterate to my partner.

But you were so vehement about not being prepare to report him or split with him. And now we have persuaded you?

okay then… well that was easy

I am not judging you for your next steps. I may be judging you for not reporting him before now:

I didn’t say I wouldn’t report them. Stop putting words into my mouth