Do you still have to put your 12 year olds to bed?

[Elfie23]

This is starting to drive me a little bit mad.

DD is almost 12 and from being a baby I’ve always read to her at night. I don’t mind doing this but I feel like she should now really just read to herself and say good night to me.

It’s just us at home and usually I’ll send her off for a shower about 8pm. Once she’s out I go in. Then I read to her and try to say good night. This is where she then goes to the toilet 4 or 5 times to ‘get it all out’ which drives me mad too.

I thought by this age she would read to herself for 15 -20mins and we could just say good night to each other and that be it.

Have I got this wrong? I can’t seem to just send her off to bed, I feel like I’m still involved with a much younger child. Is 12 too early to expect this?

For background bedtime has always been tough, never slept through and has been on melatonin since she was 8, we are going to use the last of this box and stop as she’s on such a low dose now I do think it does much. She’s always messed about at bedtime to some degree.

Any words of wisdom?

My boys were taking themselves up to bed at that age. My youngest is 14. I’d stick my head in to say goodnight, but that was it.

Have you tried encouraging her to head upstairs and say she needs to be in bed by x time, you’ll check on her then and just let her get on with it?

As for melatonin, a lower dose works better than a higher dose apparently, so it might be harder than you think to stop it!

I have a 12 year old. She gets herself ready for bed and gets into bed with a book, then I go in for a chat/to say goodnight. I don’t think she’d like me ‘sending her off’ to bed on her own, she likes me to go in and have a 5 min chat where she offloads a bit about her day. I’m happy to do that.

I was still reading to my now-18 year old at 13. Tonight I haven't even seen her since 7pm. Sometimes we say goodnight on WhatsApp. Don't worry! Personally I enjoyed it, but it sounds like you are eager for her to grow up.

I was happily going up to bed on my own and reading myself by the time I was 10. I was sneakily reading my mums Jackie Collins books at 12, cant imagine her reading them to me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

DH and I read to DD12 downstairs every night, taking turns (the other reads to DS7 upstairs). Then she goes up to bed, sorts herself out (teeth etc) and reads by herself for half an hour or so before we go in and say goodnight. She turns her lamp off when we leave and goes to sleep.

She likes it, we like it, and we'll do it for as long as she wants.

Mine were putting themselves to bed at 12.
ds is 14 now and takes himself off for a shower around 9 and then when I go up to do teeth etc stick my head in to say goodnight.
been that way pretty much since he was 11 I think, dh or I used to read to him in our bed and he’d go through to bed after. We’d say goodnight and tuck him in but that was about it.

My nearly 12 gets ready and then usually I go up to check she's ready for the morning, hasn't left a mess in the bathroom etc. She's just been diagnosed with ADHD and tends to be forgetful but also finds it hard to switch off. I don't read to her any more but she listens to a story usually.

I still read to my almost 12 yo. We both enjoy it, although I wouldn’t mind getting some of my evening back when she is ready to stop.

I stopped reading to them by 10 though their dad would read a book sometimes, not every night (or rather there were gaps between books) they put themselves to bed though (he read in the study usually). Reading is lovely btw but they should have the skills to put themselves to bed if for whatever reason you don’t /cant read to them

I should say I don’t read to her, she has wanted to read independently at bedtime since she was around 7.

What time is she going to bed? Maybe it's a little early, hence the getting up and downs?

Dd (12) takes herself to bed, however, we go in to say goodnight at 9.45, then she reads to herself until 10.

My 14 year old DS still likes me to put him to bed.

Yup. Seriously. It was somewhat annoying for a time, but I quite like it again now. It's our time for just us. And he still likes a bedtime kiss which would never be allowed otherwise! It's definitely not something he would like publicly known though...

I don't read to him, but he likes me to sing to him, kiss him on his head and turn the light off. It's the last little bit of his small child self I get to see on a regular basis. It also has the bonus of meaning he has to go to bed at a decent time if he wants that to happen or I'm knackered and grumpy or already asleep.

This is really sweet.

What time does she have to get up? My 12 year old is usually asleep for 9, but she has to be up at 6.

I have an 11 year old, I do have to tell her to get in the shower etc but she then just gets in to bed and I go in and say goodnight. She still wanted hugs and occasionally “couldn’t sleep” up until 9.5 ish

Teen/pre-teen and I always ‘tuck in’ (as in give them a kiss and quick chat as sometimes they tell me far more than straight after school!). But they always read to themselves and have done from when they were confidently reading in primary. My kids love books but they would cringe at me reading to them at 12.

If your daughter enjoys it, then who is anyone else to judge but I think by 12, the majority of children read independently. Why don’t you start gradually and suggest she reads independently a few nights a week and you’ll come in for a quick chat before bed after?

I was still singing a lullaby to my youngest when he was 13. I thought it was a bit weird but I still loved doing it and he obviously still liked it too. Don't sing him a lullaby now, he is nearly 18!

You will miss it when it’s gone , believe me

I still tuck my 12 year old son into bed, his choice, but he’s sent upstairs to get ready for bed and to read for a bit about half hour before I go in.

My 13 year old daughter won’t go to bed unless I tuck her in, I’ll be sad when she no longer wants me to do it, feels like I’m losing so many things already at this age, I’d cherish it why it’s still there.

I think 8pm is early for an almost 12yo to go to bed tbh.

Tho all mine did activities that finished way after 8pm from about 10yo (Scouts, Guides, drama, sport) - more like 9pm or 9.30pm so they didn’t tend to be getting ready for bed until 10pm, which may colour my view. Does she do any sport or other evening activities? Maybe she is just not that tired at 8pm?

I love the reading to a tween tho. I definitely read to DD and Ds2 when dd was 11-12. I think only until about that age tho, and a bit sporadically. Why not ask her about it? What does she want?

Raise the melatonin dosage.

Also, I agree with those saying 8pm is too early for bedtime.

I lived back at home for two years age 28-30 and my mum used to come into my room in the morning and hug me while I was still in bed, on a Saturday and Sunday, I think. We'd call it a sleepy-mummy-hug. You're never too old. I miss her.

This is so lovely it brought a tear to my eye, thank you for sharing.

DS1 was going to bed independently by then, but I would still have been reading to DS2 every night at age 12.