Partner’s son’s wedding no invite

[heidi696]

So my partner of about 6 months - his son is getting married in about a months time but he told me I’m not invited. Im thinking it’s because we are only “new” ? I mean it hasn’t really bothered me but he wants me to go with him to pick out a new suit and I’m hearing about it nearly every day obviously my partner is excited and I was thinking it would be nice to get dressed up and be included- even if they didn’t want me in family photos which I would understand of course. Is this normal - not to be invited.

after 6 months in a relationship i completely understand why you wouldnt be invited

Normal.

Honestly I think it's quite weird you'd want to be invited.

Yes it's normal.
The question is, will you hold on to the resentment for the next 6 months, and therefore not make it beyond 12 months?

The fact you have written a post states you are bothered. I assume the son is taking in his mother's feelings into account and not wanting her to feel sad or upset because dad's new girlfriend is there. Go help your partner pick a suit and organise a glam day out with your friends so you can also dress up and go out

Absolutely normal, you’re a partner of 6 months. Why would you be included?! Does the son even know about you?

Yeh Im just being silly. I wasn’t surprised or anything it’s only now it’s coming up I’m thinking about it. Actually I just remembered - at my own wedding my sister had a boyfriend at the time and he’s in all the photos 🤣they broke up shortly after. There was no question she would be bringing him though.

This wedding might well have been planned before you were ever on the scene. I would think that 6 months in is very early to upgrade a boyfriend to partner status. How well do you know the son and future DiL?

Hold on a minute, I think that's a bit strong - is it "weird" to want to be?

Some people feel close to their partner after a short time of dating. There's no statutory limit as to when you can feel part of things. She's already stated that she is helping with a new suit, so is clearly involved to some extent.

What I'm saying is that it's also completely normal that for an event which has likely been planned for six months or longer, hence the lack of invite, it's normal that the couple marrying wouldn't suddenly change things just because she is present now in their lives.

Normal.

Also normal that he is very excited

You are his dads girlfriend of 6 month.
he barely knows you and he honestly, probably just doesn’t want strangers at his wedding

Again, "strangers"... is that necessary?

Can she really be called a "stranger" when she is picking out the suit for the groom?

Perhaps what we're referring to here is how little time the OP would have had to potentially be 'established' to the rest of the group and wedding party, hence there would be a lot of distraction of "oh and here's my new partner" to relatives, which would overshadow the day itself.

That's why new partners often aren't invited, because the focus should really be on the wedding couple, and people who know them celebrating them.

Definitely think it's normal not to invite you when you have been dating such a short time. The invitations might have gone out before you even met!! What is your relationship with his son? And his relationship with his son's Mum? The son's wedding probably isn't the appropriate time to meet everyone.

Yeh I’ve met his son and his family a few times and his mum is not going - they are estranged and she lives abroad. But yeh it makes sense . I
feel awkward to go anyway.

I assume his mother is still alive ? Perhaps ( even if his mother / father split up a long time ago ) he feels the need to protect her for some reason.
Or more likely as the relationship is still quite early days , he doesn't feel like he knows you enough to want you there .

Think she's picking the suit for her boyfriend, not the groom.

Yeh it makes sense now I think about it. His mother is not going - long story but they are estranged

If your main reason for wanting to go is because you want to " get dressed up" then it's a good thing you aren't invited.

Surely a wedding is supposed to be about watching a couple take their vows and celebrating them embarking on their new life together?

A lot of "strangers" go to weddings. Usually if someone has a partner they are invited - it doesn't mean they are going to be around for ever, or that the couple marrying have even met them.

I actually think it is downright rude OP.

Honestly I find it odd, because I gave everyone a plus 1 that wasn’t in a specific couple at the time of invitations.

but then I had 30 children there, and no seating plan, and no formal photos, just the photographer wandering round.

I very much didn’t want it to be formal though.

6 months is barely a relationship - surely this is more just the dating stage still.

It would be weird if you were invited.

Can you not just be excited for your DP that his son is getting married.

Hello, my Brother is recently engaged and I am not invited. Only his children. I am upset but it is his decision thus I am pretending all is well. No point falling out with him. Ultimately it is their wedding …. 💒

I think after a 6 month relationship it’s normal not to be invited. I understand why you feel left out, I probably would, but if the son’s mum is estranged then it just makes things more simple.

I mean an evening invitation may have been nice.

It's quite clear MNers have odd ideas about weddings (along with most other things!) I put it down to many not having the usual social graces.