Signed off for a year

[ohjustleaveit]

I don’t quite know where this should go. But will try here. We were a bit blindsided when husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a couple of months ago. We are both in our forties, have young children.

Life has become extremely difficult and I no longer feel able to cope at work. I don’t see how I can go back while this situation is ongoing. I am looking for advice really from anyone who has been through similar, has been signed off for a long period and then gone back, how easy is it? I did have twelve months off for maternity leave but that was very different for obvious reasons.

Would you expect them to hold your job open for a year?

im pretty sure you can’t be signed off for a year, start with three months and keep getting it extended.

@HermioneWeasley that was a very unsympathetic response and I don’t know if perhaps you just read the title? I sort of hope so.

I am entitled to that amount of leave. I have never taken anything like this period of time off before but - well, have you ever been in a comparable situation?

One of the problems is it happened so suddenly I didn’t have time to rearrange my hours or days to accommodate things better at home. So things like INSET days and closures that would have once been managed by DH all fall on me. Plus DHs many hospital appointments and chemotherapy, the fact he shouldn’t really be alone for long anyway as he isn’t safe, the sheer logistical nightmare of everything, not to mention the fact I’m pretty heartbroken and not doing a very good job.

No indeed, but you can ask you say be signed off for weeks at a time for up to twelve months (in my job anyway.)

Can you afford it? I'm not sure adding money worries would be helpful. Also you might find work is an "escape" to some kind of normality.

Sending you both my very best wishes this must be an awful time x

I'm sorry you are going through this OP
I assume you are considering it ad haven't put in any formal request as yet? How do you know what will be happening in 12mths time? Sorry to be harsh, but your DH might still be alive, in palliative care or no longer here in 12mths. Do you have a union to get advice from?

Could you reduce your hours rather than dropping out completely for a whole year?

Ask your company if they allow sabbaticals maybe? Signed off for a year isn’t likely to happen, but there may be a compromise. You can also look into unpaid parental leave for a smaller amount of time

I'm so sorry to hear this OP 💐

When my DH was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I ended up being signed off for 6 months all in all, but it was done one month at a time.

He died after 4.5 months and then I took 1.5 months off after that.

But the GP had to take it on a month by month basis and signed me off with 'stress at home'.

HR did 6 weekly online meetings with me to asses the situation but that was once I'd been off for about 8 weeks.

I know @5289843DM , one of the huge problems is the uncertainty. He may be alive; he may not be, it’s so hard to say, which is why I can kind of only go off what I know right now if that makes sense.

But next year things wil be a bit easier if only because both my children will be at school so both in the same place at the same time which reduces the need to be in two places at once and also there is some wraparound at the school. I also will be able to plan a bit better in terms of days off (I am currently part time.) I am struggling to see a way forwards at the moment.

I don't think you can assume you'll have sick leave approved for a year without any consequences.

I was once signed off for 8 months, essentially done a month at a time. My work offered full pay for 6 and statutory for 3, then unpaid after that and presumably a conversation about leaving. I returned after the 8 and it was fine, it was a 'managed return' starting with a few hours a day and working up to full time over some weeks. Plenty of jobs will be this understanding (or indeed have to be). I'd advise you to check your work policy and discuss with your line manager. Realistically if they don't agree it now, you'll likely eventually get signed off by a GP as this is all too much to handle. They might want to give you the leave before driving you to break down. Good luck with it all, I hope you find a way forward, look after yourself

Does your work not require a doctor's note? Do you mean that you can just say you're sick and that's enough?

Thanks @PappyPatty . That’s what has happened so far. I had the two weeks before half term off because one morning DH fell and it was just horrendous - I can’t relive it but you can imagine, the GP said she’d sign any note for as long as needed and keep signing it.

@mysticbob i am already part time but it just doesn’t work for things like this. For example one of my working days is a Thursday and DHs palliative care appointments seem to fall then. So when you’re only working three days that’s more of a problem than if you’re full time, if that makes sense. And I really am not in a good place at the moment.

Definitely speak to your union if you are a member. Either way speak to your HR Dept about ways in which they can support you. You may be able to ask for Carers Leave or Compassionate Leave, before needing to take sick leave. Would p/t working help? Have you got some Annual Leave left? How much paid sick leave can you take? I think you should also speak to MacMillan about what support they can offer re: finance.

Hello OP - I am so sorry for your situation, this sounds very hard.

Thinking practically - do you have a prognosis for your husband? Will your husband be receiving any treatment that might extend his life?

If you are entitled to a period of up to a year’s leave, I think what you may want to avoid is using it too early. From what I have seen of friends husbands with cancer, there is a period of 3-4 months at the end where they require a great deal of care and it is nice to be able to just sit with them.

But depending how poorly he is now you might want to make the most of some time doing nice things together.

Perhaps take a few days or even weeks to think about everything before rushing into an immediate year off. Your brain goes through a lot in the immediate aftermath of receiving such news and you might find yourself able to think more clearly in a week or two.

Does your husband have life insurance or death in service? This may enable you to be more flexible and not have to worry so much about keeping your job open.

We do have a generous sick leave policy so I am not too worried about this for now. Asking for carers or compassionate leave would be granted but unpaid and while DH is obviously more important I do need to consider the implications of this carefully.

If he's under palliative care, there will also likely come a time where you'll be having community nurses/carers in every day.

But I've a feeling you'll still need to get your fit notes on a monthly basis, due to the uncertainty of it all.

@Minasama the prognosis we have been given is that the median survival rate is 22 months. It’s a tricky one as DHs cancer was first diagnosed in mid June but his treatment only starts next week; we’ve had many and infuriating delays, so we just don’t know how he will respond to treatment yet. At the moment he’s very weak and fragile. We’re all really struggling.

Have you been put in touch with your local hospice nurses OP?

Ours was St Francis and I genuinely do not know what I would've done without them.

They're always on the other end of the phone for any questions you may have - anything from employment, to how you and the kids are coping, to just about anything really.

They're not just there for your husband.

Im so sorry OP. I live alone and was off work for 18 months with a serious illness. My employer kept me on as long as I did some work from home.
I did triage from home (medical) from my bed. Luckily I got better but the fear Id lose my job and my home was real.
It worked out in the end but I dont know if Ill get sick again. I went back to work on a phased return which was fine.
There had been a lot of change but I managed. It was the mental trauma of the whole thing that was so awful so I was referred to the local psychiatric hospital for support and I really needed that help.
I hope you get the support you need.
There is someone at work who went through the same as you and she is back at work now. Unfortunately her husband in his 30s didnt make it but she's doing ok xx

Thank you @Gettingbysomehow . So sorry you went through that.

I just can’t believe how much has changed in a short period.

Realistically, DH isn’t going to survive this, it’s how long is really the question. He may respond well to treatment in which case we may buy an extra year or so. But he isn’t a well man.

Yeah thanks for that.

OP reducing hours may work. Keeping in touch with the wider world might help rather than being enveloped by the year that awaits. It’s going to be tough but knowing other people and the wider world is progressing may be a touch stone.
Look after yourself and god bless.

Sorry you re going through this. If you arent fit for work then obviously get signed off no question.

as to duration thats a question answered in your employment contract. You will have a sick pay policy for a time ( so many weeks full then half pay the unpaid ) and part of that policy will deal with , I’m afraid , letting you go if you cannot return to work in a reasonable time frame. Very few employers are able to cope with sickness leave of 12m or more . Good luck x

I'm so sorry you're going through this op, lung cancer is a brutal illness.

When MIL had lung cancer dp had 5months off in total, this included time after she died too (he was her main support and carer). He got a sick note from the GP for 4 weeks at a time and it was put down as 'family stress.' He just phoned up each time he needed it extended. MIL herself was only getting 4 week sick notes and she was the one dying of cancer!

I have also been off work with a temporary mental health / burnout situation and I was given a sick note for 2 months and told to go back and see them if I needed more.

Do you or dh have any kind of critical illness insurance cover that might pay out for this kind of scenario, or cover through work. I know it feels like a lot but look into it to make sure you're getting everything you're entitled to.

What you don't want to happen is for your sick leave to run out while this situation is ongoing as you'll find yourself in the situation where you need to go back or leave your job, and at that point DH is likely to be much more unwell. I'm so sorry 😔.