Signed off for a year

[ohjustleaveit]

I don’t quite know where this should go. But will try here. We were a bit blindsided when husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a couple of months ago. We are both in our forties, have young children.

Life has become extremely difficult and I no longer feel able to cope at work. I don’t see how I can go back while this situation is ongoing. I am looking for advice really from anyone who has been through similar, has been signed off for a long period and then gone back, how easy is it? I did have twelve months off for maternity leave but that was very different for obvious reasons.

My GP signed me off for 2 years in January 2025 due to my own health reasons. I have since had major surgery; rehabilitation and reached a certain stage of recovery. However, I am starting to think I will never fully recover, be that mentally or physically or both. I am really really struggling with the idea of even trying to go back. I went in for a meeting to discuss it; and picked up an illness which resulted in a hospital admission. I don’t know if I will be brave enough to try again and I am seriously considering handing in my notice.

I think personally, although it’s frustrating, it is better to go on short term basis of being signed off. Three months at a time, to base it on how you’re feeling at the time, as such long term leave, personally feels irreversible. That’s just my experience though. Your circumstances are different x

When you say you can be signed off for 12 months in your job/you are entitled to that amount of leave, do you mean you are entitled to full pay (or variants of) for 12 months? They can't limit how much time off you can take for sickness but obviously can set their own policy on what they will pay and any internal triggers for disciplinary etc. Not being picky but its an important distinction to make - you can't see this as an amount of time you are entitled to take like annual leave, maternity leave etc.

I have no useful advice but my goodness OP im so sorry for you and your DH and wishing you all the best . Do try to hang onto your job if you can even if you vastly reduce your hours x

I'm so sorry, that's such a lot to be dealing with. I've not been off for quite that long but have had months off and before my return I had an occupational health appointment and we arranged a graded return for which you can also use your accrued annual leave so I could return gradually over two months. I found that really helped the transition back to work.

Its a real shock when this happens for sure. One moment everything is great and the next everything comes crashing down but somehow you find the strength to deal with it. Your coping mechanism kicks in. 😘

OP my kids were older although still in primary school. I kept working a couple of days a week as it gave me respite and a chance to be me and to get a break from cancer. I think you have to go with your gut. Are you going to be ok financially when it’s all over? If so, worrying about work is less important. Honestly play it by ear. Our prognosis was 7 months and ended up being over 2 years. I had 3 months off at the beginning and then went back to work when DH was stable. The end came quickly but my work were pretty flexible in terms of time off for appointments. My DH was relatively well and living quite normally for most of the time until the last 10 weeks or so. I felt I needed to keep that normally or we were going to drive each other mad

It isn’t full pay for that amount of time but there is some pay.

No, it isn’t being picky, it is quite right. I am thinking twelve months as the rest of this academic year, which is more like eleven months but I’ll call that a year.

After that I don’t know of course but even if things are the same at least things will be easier from the point of view of children being in the same place and making sure days off work best for eg inset days and so on.

My advice is to get signed off for mental health purposes for a couple of months and then reassess at that point. As others have said you need to think about the potential chance that DH outlives his estimated life span and you have used up all your rights to paid and unpaid leave before he passes.

What do your finances look like longer term? Does your insurance only cover your housing costs or do you have extra built in eg a payment in death that could give you time to regroup and find new work when you’re ready?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hard as it is, try to just focus on each day as they come.

Money in the long term is taken care of. The short term is tricker in some ways strange as that may sound. Especially with mortgage rates soaring.

It’s not your employer who signs you off - although they may well offer open ended compassionate leave. It’s your GP and they’re limited to 3 months at a time, although in situations like you’re will most likely extend it with a phone call from yourself. Many employers have sickness insurance so would need sick notes to claim that money back.

@quequerido sorry you went through this too. In many ways I desperately want / need someone to say ‘this is how long he’s got’ but of course it isn’t like that.

The problem with working just a couple of days a week is that when appointments then fall on those days, and there does seem to be a bit of a Sod’s Law thing going on that they unfailingly do, it feels even worse. It’s a bit like when DC1 was in nursery and got sick: you’re only working three days and have to take two of those days for child sickness and it looks worse when working three days than when you work five. People are of course initially supportive but I know if the situation ends up being an ongoing one that could wane.

I don't think a doctor would sign a sick note for a year. It's a month or two at a time usually. And most firms don't pay full pay for a year.

If you’re meaning your DHs life insurance or workplace pension, these often pay out as soon as a terminal diagnosis of less than 12 months survival is given. For example, if you’re in the Teachers Pension, you can claim your pension under these terms. Your DHs employer should be able to advise.
He can also claim PIP. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/pip/help-with-your-claim/how-to-claim-if-terminally-ill/

I’m so sorry to hear of your circumstances OP

I think getting signed off and taking time off sick to begin with is fine, but not for a full year and you should discuss other options with your employer.

It could well lead to display action and dismissal, which sounds like it would be stress you could do without right now.

@Soontobe60 we’ve already got PIP, thank you. At the moment we can’t currently claim on the life insurance as a doctor needs to explicitly state that the patient has twelve months or less to live and they won’t say that for DH until they see how he responds to the treatment.

@PinkFrogss i don’t wish to argue on this thread but it really wouldn’t lead to disciplinary action: I’m hardly lying or being misleading.

So sorry about your terrible situation Op.

I get sick notes for three months at a time from my GP (MH) so that should also be possible for you. Good luck.

No advice, but just wanted to send hugs and best wishes ❤

You can be dismissed or subject to a severe management procedures for genuine sickness absence too. Have a read through your employers policy before making your mind up on anything.

ACAS can also advise, and Macmillian may be able to support as well.

Is there a Maggie's centre at the hospital which is treating your husband? Or indeed at any nearby hospital?

Staff there will offer you excellent advice and support, and will have s dedicated CAB officer who can help with finances, employment, benefits etc.

Has your husband applied for PiP? Sounds like he could apply under the special rules which means it would be fast tracked. You need your oncologist to sign a form if applying that way. Otherwise can apply under normal route if they aren't able to sign to say he meets the 12 month criteria.

If you have any debts or a mortgage contact your provider. They will pause interest, or payments altogether, or in the case of mortgages move to interest only.

Does your husband have a specialist nursing team he or you can call 24 hours a day bypassing A&E or gp if needed?

If you are in a union involve them in case of need, and take whatever is the maximum sick leave you can.

Your responsibility is family and yourself.
Bugger work.

I am a retired nurse and have stage 4 cancer myself.

Everybody is different but my cancer (melanoma but multiple secondaries in both lungs) moved to stage 4 six years ago.

Goes without saying I am so sorry for you both.

Ignore the abrupt and frankly weird first response.

Do whatever you need and stuff everything else.

Feel free to pm me if I can be of any support.

I’ve been off for over three years so it can be done with genuine reasons.

@ohjustleaveit This is a terrible situation for you, and i am so very sorry.

thing is you have a limited amount of time with your husband, and should make the best of it.

my advice is live in the moment, be where you feel you ought to be in the here and now.

some find work a relief from reality, others will not. Do what is best for you and your family

I would speak to your union rep. They will be well placed to advise you. 💐

Hi @ohjustleaveitI’m in a similar situation although my 2 year old has cancer.
I was signed off due to ‘family stress’ for three months which runs out at the end of next month. I plan to keep requesting ‘fit notes’ from my GP for the foreseeable.
my employer has been wonderful and understands that it’s just not feasible for me to go to work (solo parent) due to appointments and the unexpected visits/stays in hospital due to infections etc.
We’re still going through it so I have no advice regarding returning after a long leave of absence however I will say that I hope you don’t feel guilty about being off work - your family needs you and you also need time to process what’s happening without the stress of work.
I wish you all the best and sending love x

You can but it would be a very draconian response to do so in these circumstances and with a legitimate doctors note.

Thank you for the kind words. We have PIP and it is fast tracked as the SR1 form has been signed but they seem slightly more reluctant to sign for the life insurance at this stage (the explicit twelve months or less) probably because it’s such a substantial amount of money.

Oh @koalaaa i am so very sorry, what an awful situation for you