Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

Please don't use your phone while you are driving. We are told specifically not to attend meetings while driving by our employers, it's dangerous.

Do you have parents/siblings/inlaws who could help maybe?

What about changing jobs or doing less hours so that you don't have this seesaw going on - be there when your children need you without having the constant pressure of needing to be in meetings at the same time? Something has to give - your children should come first otherwise why have them and they're going to need you for a long time yet.

Maybe she should just board them out?

Getting someone else to step in taking the kids just isn't right. They are in care of other people until 6, probably in bed by 7.30.
They NEED that 90mins of Mum before bed.

90mins isn't exactly a long time when you count
10min travel home
20min to sort dinner
15min to eat.
15min to chill
30min bath n story.

But I guess that’s the reality, you’re not able to properly perform your role because you’re not available at the time they want you to be

I don’t think you’ve done yourself any favours with how you’ve worded the initial post because it reads like you’re leaving at 3 to pick th up at school finish time which is usually considered to be very much part of the working day. However it’s pretty standard the world round that a normal working day would be 9-5 (Dolly even sang a song about it!) so in the absence of specific working hours I think it’s reasonable to go with that. And then by extension it’s also perfectly reasonable not to be available outside of those hours.

The odd meeting here and there that has to be late is fine if it’s the exception and you can make it work, but if it’s the norm then you definitely need to keep pushing back. And do block yhe time out in your diary - just because someone hasn’t specifically asked you doesn’t mean they haven’t checked the scheduler when setting it up, it’s literally right there in outlook when you put the meeting in. Just because there’s no set hours, that doesn’t mean that it’s reasonable for you to be on call 24/7.

Even if your husband can do the pick up, your kids are young, they need to see their mum, They’ll be going to bed early enough at that age that by the time dinner is done there’s not really much spare time, don’t let work try to steal that too.

Under UK law you have a legal right to request a flexible working arrangement and your employer needs to tell you explicitly why it can't be accommodated. I have several team members on flexible patterns with no reduction in hours or pay. They work compressed hours or have fixed hours that still amount to their contracted hours (37 in my organisation). I'd suggest reading up on your legal rights and having a conversation with your line manager. Your employer legally needs to have a policy on this so check with HR

I mentioned before- but isn't it a bit confusing if there are no core hours exactly what does flexible look like?
Most people are asking to vary their work around core hours, or to have different core hours. But in this situation there are no core hours. It's more like zero hours.
There's got to be some way to approach it.

I don’t have any solutions, but want to send you some positive thoughts. It is tough, particularly when you work in professional services in a senior role, even if your husband helps, as yours does. I’ve been here and come out the other side. It does get better as they get older, but for a while, you are frazzled, being that mum who is the last to collect their child from nursery on a regular basis and absolutely feeling terrible about it. All I will say is that you need to do what’s best for your family. I sometimes used to not leave a meeting early or worry about declining/rearranging meetings, and the guilt killed me. In retrospect I should have just said, ‘I’m sorry, I have to leave and collect my children now’. More women do that these days and they are not judged as harshly as they used to be.

This is what I have - though I actually work 4 days. My hours are written into my flexible working agreement and on the days I do work, I work 7.5 hours.

The OP has no core hours at all, she seems to be expected to work indefinitely whenever at the behest of others. . How can one request flexible hours if one has no control over the chosen hours

It also shows how many people don't even read the Ops posts.

I'd definitely set your times on the teams calendar and say 'No I need to get back for my children' honestly most people are reasonable they probably just haven't thought about it.
Its surprising how quickly people forget how hard juggling young kids can be.

I don't either - core hours were introduced after my flexible working agreement.
In fact, now I come to think of it, I didn't even have working hours per week. This is common for academics.

Think the OPs issue is she has to be there to be able to do her job, sometimes in person and they keep scheduling them often after 5.
She's worried about just absenting herself in case it communicates that she can't do her job.
But no one can work out why they have to keep having them at that time and she doesn't seem to feel it can change.

Do you work from home or the office?
I hate sounding rude but thats not your works fault, if you cant meet your conditioned hours you should look for a job with a more flexible structure.
Parents have had to work this out for years.

Very much is their fault as they are being so difficult. Probably long winded as well.
But in practical terms it is a difficult problem for the OP.

It's not zero hours though. OP has stated in a previous post that she's contracted to work 40 hours. In which case a flexible arrangement would be to specifically fix the times within which she works those 40 hours each week

But as the other people seem to need to go over 5 pm isnt it them who should be fixing flexible hours, and then the leaders should stipulate that they don't involve others at those times? Otherwise theoretically they could involve others in meetings at 9 pm at night? The hours she wants to work are within most people's normal working hours

You don’t need a flexible arrangement deal if it’s post 5pm. Just tell them you’re solo parenting that week as your partner is away, and you need to leave at 5pm on the dot to make a 6pm pickup. Send it to the meeting organiser in advance x

It's happening every week. People have lives after 5 pm every week. That's why most people don't book meetings after 5 pm and if they are doing that something needs to shift. This work environment isn't right. No wonder she's anxious

Yes, but it's a legal requirement that your company operates family friendly policies.

I'm going to assume that you're not in a union, however, you could phone ACAS.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 well I feel I may be missing something but- it doesn't explain it that well. Why should she have to call ACAS?
Surely first of all someone needs to explain to her why they feel.empowered to regularly keep.people until 6pm ? What in fact stops them going on for longer?
@ProudCat I go back to my original.point- are some people going to the pub afterwards?
Or are they thinking- that's the time when all the other people don't want me and their needs come before the OPs?
It's not like she's asking for anything that isn't common working practice. To.leave at the time everyone else does.

It is their fault. To the extent that this could be considered indirect discrimination.

It could be that it suits some bosses to start late and finish late, ie miss the busy traffic in both directions.
Do school drop off and have someone else do pick up..

I honestly think Op needs to set her teams and reject meetings after 5pm.
It won't take long for them to get the message - sorry can't do meeting at 5pm, can do 4pm or 8am - it really won't take long

Edit had boxes not bosses

Ok then it's the boss who should be requesting flexible working not her?
And they should do paperwork or something in the additional hour that doesn't involve others.
Lots of people suggesting she requests flexible working. She's saying she's not getting normal.working.

I think she needs to talk and stand up for herself.