Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

Exactly.

Unfortunately I think it's just hard having two full time working parents if at least one doesn't have some flexibility.

This. You shouldn’t have to hire a PT nanny on top of your FT childcare just because some idiot at work fancies having calls outside of core working hours.

@AquamarinePearlGold @ThePoetsWife they are using afterschool care. The meetings continue beyond the pickup time which is the issue.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 I have a similar set up, salaried, no fixed hours just an amount I need to time write, afterschool pick up by 5:30 (closing time of the club). I also struggle with this, my husbands job is more flexible but there are times he is physically away. I block out pick up in my calendar (ie from 5 when I need to leave), but I still get requests for meetings after this and I have to push back. I understand this feeling of being judged to not be doing a good enough job, the likely discriminatory thoughts and comments that come from it from the more senior managers…

But you know what, the system isn’t going to change until we make it change. Until we push back. I’m pushing back, it feels uncomfortable when you’re the minority doing it but know you’re doing it for all working parents (not just the mums, but predominantly the mums). It’s 2026 for goodness sake and our generation and our kids generation will be working for 40-50+ years of our lives, we need to be able to live as well as work.

So big girl pants on and set your boundaries 😊

Read the full thread. She is already doing that.
The meetings are going beyond the opening times of the childcare.

She has childcare. Read the full thread.

Read the Ops posts at least.
There is a button that let's you filter just their posts at the bottom right of every one of theirs

I learned long ago that nothing is worth more than your family or your health.
If these meetings are encroaching on the well being of either of those things then you need to handle it.
Also, if you are good at your job and perform well, then you are an asset to that company. If they aren’t willing to accommodate a reasonable request to hold meetings within working hours then maybe it’s time to move on.
It’s got to work for you and your family.

Are there many childminders in your area? My husband and I both work in the emergency services so we used a childminder rather than nursery/after school clubs and it worked really well. They don't close dead on 6 which would have been a problem for us and cost less than a nanny. We are still friends with our first childminder and her family and I can highly recommend one.

What after school care is available until 7pm?

And, indeed, what OP is doing.

I already have flexibility as I sought a job with it.

There's no reason for any office job not to be able to honour a 5pm finish. Stop shilling for OP's employer.

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth ? Dearie me

I used to stress about this type of thing when I was younger and in same position. I've since realised unless u are actually presenting on the call where u need to be visible etc. Just dial in from your work mobile while u are driving ... collect the kids and go on mute until u are home. Its part of life snd if they call u out on it they can f off. At my work I've recently seen people ina nail bar at 6pm doing a call. People have lives and that's a core time around family. Do it 3 times and you will start to see how easy it is . And if expected to talk...pop in thr chat driving but listening. Be back in 15 or whatever. U set boundaries but still doing your work and more than that is a piss take and a shit culture . Good luck !

I don't kiss my parents.

Please let’s stop suggesting that additional childcare or a nanny is the solution. The solution is boundaries.

children (like mine) who go to wrap around care do really long days for small people. Drop offs at 7:30/8am and pick up after 5pm. The answer isn’t finding another care giver. They need to be at home with their family, having an hour of quality time before they eat dinner and go straight to bed.

this isn’t giving judgement because I’m in this position myself. Meetings after 5pm for reasons other than due to time zones are unreasonable if happening frequently and the answer is to push back on them because our kids deserve to see us, to relax in their safe space.

Agreed I think lots of people are missing these very young children are already in childcare until 6pm.

Further care is definitely not the answer. Infact it would almost be a version of neglect to have them in paid childcare much later.

Or... I will just continue as I am.

Probably only if within delineated hours!

I work in a very male dominated industry and just want to share how many of my male colleagues - from middle grade to very senior - all reject meetings that clash with drop off and pick up duties. I worried that becoming a mum would limit me career wise - and it does feel that way in other aspects - but in general it's more about possible lack of awareness from non-parents (or other caring commitments - my sister has the same obligation with her dog!) so I'd encourage you to just raise it each time rather than trying to manage it. There may be many others in the same boat and the more people bring it up, the more accepted it will be in your work culture. Whenever I have rejected a meeting due to pick up / drop offs or told someone I have to go, I'm practically shoved out of the virtual door because people are very respectful of your personal life. They know I will log back on later if I need to.

Your childcare problems are not your employers’ problems. If you cannot do the job you are being paid to do because of childcare commitments then you need to change your job. Alternatively find appropriate childcare. I know it is expensive but look on it as an investment. If your job is a good one that has prospects then the childcare costs will start to go down as the children get older and you will still have a good rewarding job.

RTFT

It'll stop making yourself look a twat

Maybe Op just arrange a boarding school / 24 hrs care Mon-Fri for her nursery and young primary aged child?

Its the only way, child care much later than 6pm means care essentially until bedtime so they might as well day the night.

Read the thread