Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

Might not be contracted start and finish times, but surely an understanding/agreement over what your core hours are each day?
So your boss for example would know whether you will answer calls/respond to emails for 8, 8.30 or 9am?

We have flexibility where I work like this, but its clear what everyone's core hours are.
So most of our email sign offs say something like
My core working hours are 8.30 -5 monday to friday
Or
My core hours 8- 6.30 mon to Thurs
Etc

This!!! If your working hours are such that you finish and then do the school pick up then that is one thing but if you are just “nipping out” then that really is another and one of the reasons why it makes it so hard for people working from home to have credibility

I guess it all depends on what arrangements you have in place but your post would suggest this is something that you just do … in which case you are definitely being unreasonable!!!

Well given its illegal, I think its reasonable for employers to have a policy that supports them in not being pressured to do this during working hours.
All sorts of potential liability issues for the employer if it was found that they knew/encouraged and pushed this working practice and the employee was in an accident.

If you have to leave to get your children and no one else can get them you’ll not be able to go to the meetings, it’s that simple. My kids are grown up but I’d be mighty fucked off at having meetings until 6pm. I do actually have a life beyond listening to some wanker droning on a lot of shit that could in most cases be an email.

Presumably the OP does tbis also, given she’s talking about a 6pm pick up.

This used to happen to me a lot. However I have found being open and direct saying “I have a hard stop at 5pm due to childcare” is acceptable and often others are relieved as they have no interest in a late finish either. After a few instances they will change behaviour and if they don’t, they aren’t the company for you!

I just left a role where the senior partner clock watched everyone and favoured those who did extra hours. It was archaic and sexist and not a culture I could put up with!

Now I work with a manager who is a mum of 3, often blocks out her diary for child related matters, and it’s so refreshing. We all put in the hours and get the job done but it’s nice that we can flex it around family commitments when necessary

It is actually fairly unusual not to set some parameters even along the lines you are contracted to work 40 hours per week to be worked during the period 8 am - 8 pm Monday to Friday

Ok my advice keep this very simple do not meet anyone after 5pm ever. Doesn't matter whether your husband can pick up some days or not - keep your availability as blanket 5pm finish for meetings.

If you choose to work later do so, but stick to all meetings finish at 5pm. People will then get into the habit of that being your end time for that activity.

Who organises the meeting, who are your line managers? Next speak to them, again with absolute clarity that those are the terms you are able to meet.

I'm an equity partner in my practice and still have to do that. As a parent to 5 girls, with an unpredictable surgeon husband I've had to be very clear about my commitments outside of work to limit clients, other partners, employees. If I allow any one off or compromises the whole game starts again and I have to re-educate people.

Don't compromise be clear, you have a right to life outside of work and you are setting your boundaries. The meetings will then start to work around your pattern as another constraint or they will go ahead with your partial attendance or absence. Whatever happens stick with the plan. You can still input, send what you need to attendees or ask to be moved up the agenda. Whatever it takes.

Just wanted to say that it’ssuch a struggle, you’re not alone and 2 working parents is extremely difficult and I wish workplaces were more understanding. How do they think the next generation is going to appear? It’s like everyone forgets that we do actually need children to be brought up properly so we have a new generation of workers… so often it feels like having kids is a lifestyle choice that no one should support!

It does reflect badly on you. Find a job that offers the flexibility you need.

In all honesty I think this is why many women go part time & step back a bit. It’s really tricky to have both parents full time in professional roles with no grandparents on hand. Could DH ask for a reduction in hours?

And no doubt those scheduling those meetings are men!
It is challenging with young children as a woman to progress your career and be a parent. You loose no matter what you do. Prioritising a career is lacking maternal instincts. Prioritising parenting when you have had a career is not valued as an important job in society.

No, it reflects badly on the company.

It’s not right or fair… but people will totally be ok with it if you say you need to leave for an appointment. If anyone asks just say physio…

i don’t know why people have an issue when it’s to collect kids, but not for example, a man who goes to play 5 a side football and has to leave dead on 5.30?!?

Sorry, I have to leave at 5pm.

No it doesn’t. It reflects badly on the company who could find themselves in trouble for indirect discrimination.

Another aspect of this is length of meetings. Are they far too long and could they be shorter? Are people doing things in them that could be done out of them. Because if so and if you were able to drive that change I bet there'd be a lot of people who'd be relieved plus it'd be more efficient. Maybe think about a proposal?. Volunteer to chair some and do it quicker?
I always think meetings should rubber stamp things and discuss any knotty problems and make plans for further work outside the meeting. but lots of detail often doesn't work especially if people are not prepared.
Are the people who meet until 6 going to the pub afterwards by any chance?

You need to talk to your manager and explain you exceed your contracted hours as it is, and cannot continue to regularly attend meetings past 5pm. You need to be firm with your boundaries. The hours you’re working sound very long, and it’s clearly putting the family out. No job is worth it xx

I think your work are being unreasonable, most standard office workplaces finish at 5.30 and all nursery/wrap around childcare I’ve come across finishes at 6. That’s just how it is, I agree about being assertive, if you can’t make it then you can’t make it. If you start at 8.30 you’ve done your hours.

Do you not know any of the other mams in the class who can help you? If not start making friends and then you have a bank of other people to help for meeting emergencies

Who is going to take someone else’s kids until 7pm odd on a regular basis?! Half of them are probably just hanging on by a thread themselves

Not having core hours is very unusual.

Where do you work? I’ve only ever seen core hours in the public sector

Nobody wants to take someone else's young child until 7pm! That's bedtime! Especially if you've had work all day yourself. I'd do it in an absolute emergency as a once off, but certainly not for regular work meetings.

An hour after school now again, also fine.

My kids are older now. It does get easier. When mine were the age yours currently are, I was very fortunate that my boss had a daughter a year older than my oldest, and got it. On one occasion he messed me around, wanted me to cover a meeting for him which I had offered to do, but he said no. I booked holiday club near the office and boss changed his mind, wanting me to cover the meeting in another office. I said the only way it could be done was if my boss collected my son and minded him until I got back. To his credit, my boss did it. (Son was very easy)

it is very difficult. Do you have any friends or colleagues with a reliable teen that would mind them for an hour while you are at home with them? So collect a little early then join the call?