Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

Are you clear whether these meetings absolutely have to happen at that time or does the person scheduling have some discretion? Is it lack of planning so they have to go in later in the day as attendees already have a full diary until 5? If so would putting in some holds earlier in the day weeks in advance help and cancel them if they aren’t needed. Is the scheduler reflecting their own preference. I have had some success with scheduling meetings at a time that suits me but doesn’t suit someone else and then graciously offering to move it in exchange for them also being more considerate about the time they schedule meetings I have to attend in future.

Some work allow us some trust and flexibility!!

Sorry, I didn't realise this, please accept my apologies and being ignorant.

Indeed this is very difficult and I understand the no extra help. There does come a point when we have to realise it's all too much and make changes in our jobs.

Wishing you luck OP and again sorry for the misunderstanding. Xxx

6pm is unreasonable for a meeting - are all the people in the meeting based in the UK? What are your contracted working hours? if 9-6pm, can you just not just say you have other commitments and ask the meeting to be moved? Perhaps speak to your manager? I block out 2 hours in my calendar form 5-8pm so everyone knows not to put any meetings then, but will accept them if its 7pm (I work for a US company so some meetings are sadly late, but I refuse to have them when I need to pick up kids and give them dinner).

I think you need to set your boundaries and decline the invite. You’re clearly trying to accommodate wherever possible but a meeting finishing at 6pm seems too late without checking individuals personal circumstances. Obviously if you’re trying to accommodate other time zones then I might understand but clearly as an in person meeting this isn’t the case. I would either decline the invite or respond to suggest you can join remotely until x time. Separately make sure that individual EAs are aware of your working hours.

I give this advice as someone in a finance role at director level. It’s not perfect and there are many times I’m running out of the door with only minutes to spare, so I understand. It helps if you’re at a family friendly company which possibly isn’t the case for you.

In addition to just picking them up, I also want to spend time with them before we rush through tea, bath and bed. Perhaps you need to look for alternative work if they cannot accommodate.

Clearly its not giving you the flexibility you need! If there are no contracted start and finish times just contracted hours cant you start earlier or work longer on days when hubby's collecting the children? Then decline the meetings that you cant do as you have fulfilled your contracted hours. I am sure others with caring responsibilities / lives do this.

OP in all honesty speak to your manager. You are not the first parent in a senior finance job to have a child - loads of employees will have faced or still be facing these difficulties.

Part of the problem is actually if your dh can sometimes help, it means sometimes you ARE available after 5pm and it sends a mixed message.

Say to your manager, “I have these meetings 5-6pm on these days. I need to leave at 5pm to guarantee I’m at after school club/nursery on time since dh unfortunately can’t cover these pickups - I arranged for him to cover the ones last month but he has no flexibility this week. So I wanted to let you know that for the first of those 5pm meetings since im back to back in calls all day, I’m going to accept the meeting invite as Tentative so it’s in my diary. Then message Sally and ask her to record the meetings so I can listen on playback later in the evening. For the second meeting I have a gap in my calendar 4 til 5 so that day I will come into the office as usual at 8.30am but leave at 4pm when the traffic is lighter - then I can whizz home and collect the kids from afterschool club and park them in front of the TV so and I’ll be back in my home ready in time to log on at 5pm and take the call.”

That’s what I do alllllll the time.

Also BLOCK YOUR CALENDAR 5pm to 7pm and let it be known that’s your commute time/dinner with your kids. Im assuming all your meetings are calls. If there are 5+pple on a call you can accept the invite tentatively and let the organisers know you’ll need the meeting recorded and won’t attend in person since you have a diary clash.

You don’t need to over explain. The whole point is you don’t have a rigid-hours job and you know full well you’ll be online at 6am if you have to call Asia, or online at 7pm when the US decide they want an afternoon call. Or just pulling overtime to hit a deadline. You ARE flexible!

People who are in the UK who are arranging calls at 5pm KNOW that slot is only free because half the people are travelling and most people probably can’t easily make it. It’s just a lazy ass way of scheduling rather than planning ahead, or too scared to bid for the scarce-resource slots in the US morning when both UK and US folk can join conveniently.

So if anyone should be anxious it’s the idiot who assumed everyone would turn up at 5pm.

Dh and I both in senior finance - have had kids at nursery/primary school for past 15 years and I have learned not to feel this is a “me” problem.

Agreed
I actually can't believe people are suggesting aupairs, friends, etc to collect these kids after a full day of school / nursery and afterschool.

When afterschool is done kids want home to mum / dad have dinner and as young as Ops kids are bedtime is probably 7-7.30.

Op just needs to sort her calendar with core hours

If your company is letting you break the law on company time, they could find themselves vicariously liable for the consequences of what you do.

You say you are spending £1k+ on chilcare already. I don't understand why you can't get a part time nanny. Most drive and you can give them your children's car seats.
Try advertising in a local college where they have childcare courses, the students would be glad of the extra money, they will have been disclosure checked and be willing to be flexible as they are also gaining the experience of working with children. A nanny share is also another option. There are many ways to solve your situation if you look for them........

Because she has one in nursery and one in school. A part time nanny would mean the nursery fees still need to be paid. A full time nanny is, as I’m sure you know, out of financial reach for most

is it physical or Teams? Could you leave work earlier and do pick ups and get home before meeting starts?

I’m in the UK. If it was me I would send my own update (if needed)& apologies, and ask for minutes to be sent to me. I wouldn’t even say why I couldn’t make it. There are apologies at almost every single meeting I’ve ever been so, it’s a part of the start of the meeting structure for that reason.

How late does your after school club run? I don’t know of any that run past 6pm.

more like 3k but Nannies cost way more - you are effectively covering all their income plus employer tax etc. Whilst a part time nanny is cheaper, that needs to be on top of the nursery fees (nursery charges by the day not hour) so is additional incremental cost.

Yes, bizarre! It’s already bedtime by the time one parent is available. If this is happening regularly it’s going to be very difficult for the children. I think the only reasonable solution is for one or both parents to adjust their working schedules so that someone is reliably out at 5pm. One of the children is only nursery age and already in full time nursery!

Please Op you don't need to find a nanny, you already have after school care and that's late enough for the children. You just need to be firm at work and just pencil that time out of your calendar. Send apologies if you can't make it.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can, and you seem to be making it work for the most part.

I often had this situation while my children were in primary. I joined by phone when not available in person and casually mentioned at the start (when at least one of the big wigs had joined, but the meeting hadn't fully stated) "I'll stay on mute, with camera off unless I'm contributing, as I'm in transit".

No explanation, no apology. Just fact. If asked (which I very rarely was) I'd say "just collecting from childcare."

Many people have children, and if they don't, they were children themselves, so they'll understand. If they raise a concern about you making the effort to join a call despite having the higher priority of collecting your children, you've got a bigger problem....but I think I'm hearing that it's the self doubt causing anxiety rather than anyone having complained.

Do what you can - the fact that you're even concerned about this tells me you strive for great 100% of the time. Good is good enough. Go easy on yourself.

Use after school clubs or childcare if you’re supposed to be actually working - this is what millions of us have done or are doing

I think you need to block your calendar at whatever times you need so no one can book you into a meeting. You should discuss regularly with your husband which days he can do and what you can do so you know in advance.
Or if you really can’t decline, you just dial in on mute with camera off until you’re required.

Not because you should need to to solve this work problem - but financially have you costed up a nanny vs the annual child care bill? At £3k a normal month, plus school holiday camps it might be better value.

I would seriously look at the nanny. You are senior level in Finnace, sounds like your husband has a global or also senior role, and you have more than one child.

i had a nanny as did many of my peergroup. Yes it was expensive, but what you are paying for is the peace of mind which enables you to further your career. Because yes there are the later meetings, but also school holidays, when one child is sick etc.
Also when the days are long and the child is young, so much nicer for them to be in their own home playing with their own toys and relaxing after school, and if it s a really late day the nanny can give them dinner or something so when you arrive everyone is much more relaxed than if you rush home then have to rush to make dinner without even being able to interact with your child properly.
When you have more than one child the nanny financially sense as it’s a fixed cost. So I would seriously look at this for a couple of years, just to get you through this phase.

Why don’t you pay someone to do pick up on those days then. If you’re working then arrange childcare. A nanny, a childminder or a friend?