Most annoying phrases heard at work

[newbie202020]

I'm on a work-related call and have just heard the dreaded 'let's double-click on that' when someone wants to discuss something in more detail. I'm having to bite my fist.....

Does anyone else want to share?

Hell I'm glad I'm old, none of that rubbish back in my day. You'd have been laughed at if anyone had come out with these sort of sayings.

Hi colleague! 😁

Documents/briefings are always being 'socialised' where I work. Every time I hear it I feel like screaming- it's an inanimate object that is incapable of socialising!!

Jump on a call.

And someone recently was going on about face washing which totally bamboozled me. Had to google it.

Took me weeks after I started to find out that 'collaborative rostering' just meant 'your late shift.'

The amount of update emails from above that could get straight to the point in about a third of the length because of all the buzzwords and platitudes- it was really funny during a recent meeting because the manager got into a debate with someone about how 'benchmarking' is NOT a euphemism for a 'target' lol.

I don’t know why, but “let’s take that offline” majorly winds me up

What is the ask

So annoying!!!

What about 'easy wins' and 'within our gift to...'

This yourself/myself malarkey times eleventy million. I shouldn't be so judgmental but it drives me nuts that they think they're being so formal and businesslike.
Also misusing "hone in" on a topic when they mean "home in"

Sure pivoting ones posture would result in a tweaked muscle.

Read the mood music.... arghhhhh

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse 😁

I get the Four Tops.

"Awesome," and the fake happiness people have when they are trying to sell us something "hi and how are you on this amazing day?" genuinely nice people great

"across the piece/piste"
Hate it, it's meaningless.

Oh god, I’ve remembered another one:
Revert. Used in emails.

’please revert’ or ‘I’ll revert in due course’.

They just meant ‘reply’ 🙄

I'm a civil servant now with a Depeche Mode ear worm which may never leave me...

I hear a lot of these but also "cadre" as in "the Grade 6 cadre" or "the SCS cadre"

It's 2023 fgs...

I was on a call with my manager today and used the words "thanks I'll reach out to him" immediately followed by "omg I hate that phrase... it's so twattish! I'll call him!"

Thankfully my manager has a sense of humour and found it as funny as me 😂

Battle rhythm.

"We haven't found the battle rhythm for this project yet"

I'm a fan of wanky work-speak, I love a bit of 'agile thinking' and consulting a stakeholder but WTAF.

Battle Rhythm
Bird Table

chortled at the Four Tops joke @chorusline79

My manager has loads of them - presume that’s why he got promoted. ‘There’s a piece around that’, ‘across the patch’, ‘iterate’ (absolutely everything), ‘it is what it is’, ‘capturing’ (everything). I feel like the twat for working there…

The 'gentle reminder' totally riles me up when sent in emails...'Just a gentle reminder that I need xyz by noon tomorrow at the latest!' Fuck off with your PA nudging!

Also...we do it 'for the children' (no, actually, I do it for the salary!!

Touching base and moving forward

F

‘Hit me up on Teams’ cringe