Most annoying phrases heard at work

[newbie202020]

I'm on a work-related call and have just heard the dreaded 'let's double-click on that' when someone wants to discuss something in more detail. I'm having to bite my fist.....

Does anyone else want to share?

You win, I hate these

My manager calls everything a 'piece' but he has a lovely accent so I'm never mad at him.

What does battle rhythm mean?! I've not heard it and am tempted to introduce it 😂

Connect.

I'll connect you with....
I've connected with....
Let me connect you both.

It generally appears shortly after some reaching out has taken place!

Yes!! I care about the children, but I only return to this absolute shit show because you pay me to!

Drill down...let's drill down into this, we drilled down and found...
We are having difficulties with retention and recruitment which means our current workforce need to dig deep... what you on about there have been those issues the whole 8 years I've worked here. I can't dig no deeper.

‘I’ll e-introduce you’ (when copying me in to email of a new contact) Honestly I’m too f*ing peri menopausal for office work… and 20 years to go until retirement :(

Civil service is unbelievably bad at all this stuff. Everyone is holding pens,, deep diving, socialising, moving forward, then circling back, looping you in, getting the barnacles off the tanker, looking from the other side of the telescope, leaning into the piece.

Genuinely struggled to keep a straight face in many a meeting I mean huddle.
.

"More of a coming togetherness" - this is used by my boss when he's trying to get a client or external professional to do what he wants.

hello fellow civil servants. I was “being supported” for an interview and the only phase on here I wasn’t told to include was the one from the probation officer. I meekly said I thought you weren’t supposed to spout jargon in an interview cause the interviewer won’t necessarily know what the chuff you’re on about. Long pause then I realise he doesn’t realise he’s using all the bullshit words, we created a feedback loop though.

it doesn’t half sneak up on uou though. I was in a monster family group chat that was discussing a family party and I said I’d reach out to the stakeholders but I’d have to take it offline. 25 thousand messages later I had to admit I was going to visit my aunty and I’d ask about the buffet.

Thank god I work with nearly all English as second language speakers, i couldn't cope... "Let's double click on that" , just nooooo

Slightly off topic but...My favourite line in one of my bosses emails was "once we start manufacturing it, the delivery time will be shorter".

Love the examples, I may try to use some to see how people react.

My pet hates include dead, misused, metaphors, eg:

Refuseniks -used to mean someone who refuses to do something. In fact a refusenik was a person who was refused permission to emigrate by the Soviets. Kind of the opposite meaning.

Kickstart -used to mean increase activity from one level to a higher level. Kickstarting a motorcycle means starting the motor from zero to tickover, a completely different meaning.

I need to get out more.

I once had a manager with a very dry turn of phrase. In one meeting where there had been several fruits of that variety, he remarked (upon being told of a problem) "well, someone's dropped a low-hanging bollock then, haven't they". I had to pretend to drop my pen so I could dive under the table and stifle my laughter.

'Im aware of the time' says manager with a theatrical glance at the clock. It actually means 'we've run over, but that's ok because I am the only one who's allowed talk now'.

'Does that make sense?' asked after incredibly simple things are mentioned by said manager.

He deep dives, sucks it and sees, runs with it and goes forward too. Give me fkn strength.

From the ghetto or whatever the expression is

Has anyone explained “duvet chuck day” yet?

@SpeckledlyHen

duvet chuck factor, The

noun

^^
that which is deemed worth getting out of bed for; unspecified unique facet rendering otherwise dull project exciting, interesting, or novel.
usage “does this project have the duvet chuck factor?” “What’s the duvet chuck factor in this pitch?” “will staff feel the duvet chuck factor?”

Thanks! I got my “duvet days” and my “duvet chuck factors” mixed up there.

Is it called a doona chuck factor in Australia I wonder?

I sometimes say “let’s suck it and see” just for kicks. I first heard the phrase when I was about 19, very unexpectedly from the mouth of a very posh, retired Brigadier who had a management role at my University. I was HORRIFIED, but I kind of warmed to it.

My authentic self?

Are you absolutely certain this is what you want? Bearing in mind that I'm a middle-aged woman who reins in her natural inclination to tell people they're being twats somewhat misinformed absolutely fucking deluded on a daily basis?

You already get the authentically fucking great at my job and anything else they chuck at me version. Anything more includes my mental narrative and thought processes and the fact that you're talking about a battle hardened middle-aged woman with a shit-ton of knowledge, experience and qualifications, so all I can say to that is be very careful what you wish for.

*snort

The Lemon Song- Led Zeppelin ( sniggers )

Scrub the numbers
Give it a scrub

Helicopter view

Deep dive
Touch base
Fire fighting
Action that
On their knees

I was once bored in a meeting so I wrote down every annoying phrase anyone came out with. I counted about 20 in less than an hour