Most annoying phrases heard at work

[newbie202020]

I'm on a work-related call and have just heard the dreaded 'let's double-click on that' when someone wants to discuss something in more detail. I'm having to bite my fist.....

Does anyone else want to share?

I had a recent HR meeting about engaging with your staff and the lady said a zillion times about having "those rich conversations " It gave me the boak

Solutionize.

You must be my boss! Stop saying it, gives me the heave!

"We are aware staff haven't received their pay this month, but we're working on it" is rather emotive!!

Yes to cadre! Come on mate we both know there's nothing operational about your role 'manoeuvring' a few turgid paras of poorly formatted Ariel nonsense into a 'deck' and reading it out

My boss says

Low hanging fruit 75 x a day

I.e.

Time Box the 49 slide presentation prep for (insert radically small amount of time) and then fire it to me! It's low hanging fruit.

Let's deep dive that issue and find the (low hanging fruit)

Do the (low hanging fruit) first.

What're your (low hanging fruit) today?

I want to give him (the low nagging fruit).

So much so that I caught myself saying it in a meeting yesterday myself. Kill me!

Regular drumbeat
Anything referred to as a journey that doesn’t involve travel
And of course reaching out and going forward, I’ve been known to count times used in boring meetings

So many of these but one that particularly peeves is ‘pitch rolling’ - gnarrgh!

I can’t stand the (fairly recent) near-epidemic of “smashed it” and “crushed it”.

I had to present for less than two minutes at work and my manager informed me afterwards that I’d “crushed it” 🙄

Yes @SmugglersHaunt , and 'nailed it' cringe. There are also so many acronyms in my line of work that I never really know what the hell is going on ('anyone NTed the CEO about the recent LMI report'). 'Is this going to fly'. Have you 'swallowed a frog' this morning?

When I worked in places with this kind of shizzle I'm sure my eyes must have given away the fact I was internally saying 'twat' !

My authentic self is lying in bed watching telly and stuffing my face with chocolate. I do not think they want me to bring that self to work.

Also, when did a PowerPoint presentation become “a slide deck”?!

A lot of these are used in my military office environment:
Drumbeat
Battle rhythm
Juice worth the squeeze
Art of the possible
Slide deck
Mood music
Muscle movements
Rounds complete
Stand by/ up/ down
Warn off

‘Get/give a flavour of’ ‘conversely’ ‘if it walks like a duck it’s a duck’, ‘ahead of the curve’. Same twatty person, usually gets them all in during each meeting.

"Let's take that one off line"

Translation

Shut the fuck up, I don't want to discuss it.

"Rosie I'll come make you a snack in a moment "

Colleague to her daughter climbing all over her on a teams call ...who should be in nursery or cared for elsewhere ..

Who then says "sorry I can't stay on ..." Despite meeting being in the diary for a month.

The ones I really hate are the ones that sound dirty and/or inappropriate to me.

suck it and see
sweet spot
low-hanging fruit
drill down
take this offline 😉
juice worth the squeeze
leaning in, and coming together

FML

My work (large outsourcer) are terrible for asking us to ‘link in’ with colleagues. Drives me insane.

Most of these would drive me insane.

"Pop that in an email" = type what you just said as if we don't have the power of speech and haven't just had a conversation so I don't have to make a decision or use my memory

"Just ping it over" = send an email (but I'm pretending that work is fun and easy 🙄)

Moving forward.

🤣🤣🤣 So true!
I love these threads. And as a civil servant it makes me realise what utter BS I am exposed to every day that has just become normal turns of phrase in my head... What have I become?!

RIP illustrating, demonstrating, arguing, or revealing. 'Showcasing' is where it's at. This relentlessly irritating word is 10/10 on the 'boils my piss' scale. (I know many a Mumsnetter would add 'boils my piss' to their list of 'phrases I hate' - but I find it a beautiful descriptive. Sadly it's never made it into my workplace: I'd find several uses for it per day).

Following hard on the heels of 'showcasing' at 9/10 is 'massively'. Almost always a massive - not to mention unimaginative - overstatement.

Collecting material, bringing together sources as research, or bundling documents together doesn't seem to be a thing anymore. Formerly the domain of museums and archives, everyone and their dog now 'curates' everything.

'Delving deeper' into things rather than exploring or analysing, gets another hard eye-roll.

'Bringing your whole self to work' has been extensively covered upthread. It's not surprising.

'Gender'. Say no more.

Of all the wanky, corporate BS phrases mentioned upthread, the one that makes me want to throw my coat over my head is 'going forward'.

How has nobody yet mentioned ‘drink from the firehose’?
I recently watched W1A for the first time and loved/cringed all the way through for just these types of phrase. Siobhan Sharp the standout best character.