Trans identifying people gaslight their parents - a heartbreaking read.

[Soontobe60]

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This broke my heart to read. The impact a child who chooses to declare themselves the opposite sex has on their mother in particular is brutal. I cannot imagine a world where my children would demand that I change my own history to bow to their indoctrination.

To that mother if she’s here or if someone knows her. It IS a terrible moral injury inflicted.

What I am grieving is the loss of a shared story.

Two things stand out about this piece is a parent that can't accept their child evolving into an adulthood identity that they don't recognise on a superficial level & because of that they mustn’t have had any individual agency in doing so.

Brings back memories of my children who are adults now where I remember mourning each milestone that "this little person as they are now will soon be gone forever & I need to let go". The idea that children don't grow up & change often into people we wouldn't necessarily like them to be is very naive.

Perhaps the author may find peace & reconciliation with her child if she works on her control issues rather than seeking imaginary culpability elsewhere.

Stop with the gaslighting.

What do you mean?

Poor lady. I see no control issues. She is fully aware of the process of letting go as children become adults and knows it is a natural part of the process. But here she knows that natural order has been interrupted and destroyed by a cruel ideology that means her daughter is negating those years as a child and adolescent and banning her mother from calling her her own name. God that has got to be tough. The whole dead naming thing is one of the cruelest part of this terrible con that a whole generation of children were enabled into by amoral adults. I feel so sorry for these famillies, of which I know 3 in real life, with lesbian daughters who now identify as extremely unconvincing men. Its so sad they couldn't just be happy as gay women (and maybe have a breast reduction, fair enough, what teenage girl hasnt hated having large breasts? I know I did, and still fantasise about having a reduction).

And of course the parents have to pretend to back it to the hilt, for their won sanity and because of a cruel sunken cost fallacy they've been shoved into because, like all parents, they wanted their daughters to be happier than they were. They will be on this thread, calling this bigoted and transphobic, but its all part of the same cruel gaslighting their family got sucked into. Very sad.

And of course the parents have to pretend to back it to the hilt, f

no, they don’t

'gas lighting' = opposing perspective.

Genuinely. Should the kid lie?

Gaslighting = ignoring reality

Lie about what?

According to mummy 'she's owed it'.

Sex & gender aren't the same thing.

Well, not as the terms are used now.

Sex is what you are in reality. Gender is what you pretend to be.

Pretence ≠ reality

Then why do they get their birth certificate changed to a different sex?

No, you're right, they don't have to (and the author of that piece isnt), but they generally do though ime. The three families I know with early 20s daughters who have 'transitioned' put on a brave face and grimace in public about how its all fine. They privately admit to struggling with the deadname thing though and two of the sets of parents I know seem quite tortured about it. You'd like to think you would not have gone along with it but these kids were weaponized and taught online to talk about suicide and I think that is a hard thing to resist as a parent. I like to think I would have employed specialist, and expensive so not in reach for everyone, counselling, if one of my teenagers had been sucked into the cult, but remember a few years ago it was very difficult to find professionals brave enough to dissent from the 'affirm everything' prevailing narrative in the NHS and the media.

There are a couple of interesting resources out there on this topic. Stella OMalley and Genspect and also a podcast I just listened to by Helen Joyce of Sex Matters with a mum whose daughter has now detransitioned. Also there is a great American therapist called Stephanie Winn who has a podcast called Some Kind of Therapist, she works in this area. Winn has stuff for parents on how to talk to kids who think they are trans.
She has an entire programme of support, I havent gone into all that but just the bits I have picked up are so interesting. She strongly advises keep talking to the teens and asking questions. Rather than trying to argue or convince. Well worth a listen.

"Transgender people change their birth certificates so their legal sex marker matches their gender identity, which helps prevent confusion, privacy issues, and discrimination when using identification documents. 1, 2, "

I can empathise with the mother. I think I'd feel very much the same as her about my child's body and name. My son knows that I'll find it very hard to see him with a tattoo, even though I love tattoos. But his little pure body!

What I think differs is that I wouldn't see it (transitioning) as something they are doing to me. It would be something they're doing for themselves and I have very big feelings about. I hope that would go some way to stopping us reaching the type of point they've reached in their relationship.

So cis women 'pretend' to be women & cis men 'pretend' to be men?

Huh.

Did you even read the piece?

This is from part 1
https://www.pittparents.com/p/a-mother-remembers-part-1

I am a psychologist. I know the language of grief, ambiguous loss, individuation and attachment. I understand intellectually that children do not belong to their parents, that adulthood involves individuation and separation, and that loving another human being does not entitle us to determine the course of their life. That we have to accept them as they are.

Human beings need continuity. Families do too. Beneath all the ordinary changes of growing up sits a quiet assumption: this is the same child. The toddler, the schoolgirl, the impossible teenager and the young adult remain connected by a thread of attachment.

In my case, many of the familiar markers of my daughter’s identity changed within a remarkably short time: her legal name and sex designation, appearance, hormones, and body. My mind could not experience these as separate changes. Together, they felt like the thread connecting past and present was being ripped away.

How different would they feel if their child had just changed their name but insisted everyone call them that?

And that was the beginning of this madness…you can’t change sex you can only ‘present’ differently. Oh, that’s gender - a social construct based on misogynistic assumptions and stereotypes. It’s so obvious that the whole fiasco is gaslighting…

Yes, she made several statements about what she believes she knows to be right like not owning her children but her actions do not reflect her words.

Most people live by social stereotypes. That you seem to think this only applies to trans people is ludicrous.