Trans identifying people gaslight their parents - a heartbreaking read.

[Soontobe60]

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This broke my heart to read. The impact a child who chooses to declare themselves the opposite sex has on their mother in particular is brutal. I cannot imagine a world where my children would demand that I change my own history to bow to their indoctrination.

I think this is going to be seen as a very dark time in history. The damage that has been caused by those with power is immense.

What actions?

Thinking that most people conform 100% to gender stereotypes is ludicrous.

No such thing as "cis". Just women and men.

Some women pretend to be men and some men pretend to be women. The pretence is what gets them the description "transmen" and "transwomen".

My dad and his sister both changed their names, as they have the right to do. But, it still really hurt my grandma. It’s a rejection of something personal and precious your parents chose for you, and put a lot of thought into. Yes, the parents might have chosen terrible names and the child has every right to change it. But don’t underestimate the emotional impact on the parent.

Now try telling your parent you are “really”
the opposite sex (or whatever word smudging definitions you choose to use). It goes against every truth they know.

I don’t think that someone who isn’t a parent has any idea of the pain of watching a desperately unhappy or mentally ill child. Or the pain of having your shared history rewritten.

Some of the judgemental commentators on here have a very childish attitude to parents. They can’t see them as human beings with their own pain and frailty. They are just “baddies” for finding it an unbearably painful experience to have a child declare a trans identity.

It’s immature black and white thinking.

No, because not everyone believes in gender. I identify as female solely based on my sex and don’t prescribe to the gender stereotypes. So I’m not pretending anything.

Her refusal to accept her child's identity & individual agency because they are something she doesn't want them to be.

I think they would feel a bit better about that, because it would just be a name change, and not accompanied by radical surgery and trying to live as a very small and unconvinicng man, with all the psychological and social issues that go along with that. Its not even just the gender presentation I dont think, they just look like butch lesbians anyway, it the pretending and the gaslighting. Having to remind themselves to say 'my son' instead of 'my daughter'. And enduring the pitying looks from people in social situations. Because of the pretence and the fallacy. Nobody would notice or care if their daughters had become butch presenting lesbians, dating pretty young lesbian girls. Its the fact that everyone has to go along with the pretence that they have 'transitioned' into actually being the opposite sex when everyone knows that's impossible. And the fact that they so clearly dont fit into the blokey, lads world they want to identify into and are completely rejected by that cohort.

Also, ime of the famillies I know in this situation, the part I struggle with is the glossing over of the trauma that is clearly at the heart of why these girls were susceptible to identifying as trans in the first place. I think in many ways, the pain of going along with the transitioning fallacy is less painful than admitting your child was hurt on your watch.

In what way should a gender identity "match" someone's sex?

What is the link between sex and gender if they're not the same thing?

If they were totally unrelated to each other, how could sex and gender identity "match"?

That makes you gender non conforming. So in other words, you agree gender exists (sex stereotypes) but reject them.

really? I never knew.

Exactly what I wanted to ask.

Someone who is trans will never not be trans. All they can do is go back in the closet. So either the parent wants their kid back in the closet, or to pretend?

And?

Well I've got 4 kids. Pushed 3 of them out myself.

I can understand how she feels as I said earlier. I definitely struggle with letting go and I'm not ashamed to say it. However, I'm aware where it is actually a "me" problem, which is mostly always when it comes to things like this with my children.

The author definitely understands how she feels about the whole situation. Her feelings are real and valid. The bit where she seems to lose the thread is when she thinks her kid should do something about her feelings. Her feelings are something she should discuss in therapy or with other trusted people.

This is clearly not true. There are many detransitioners out there telling their stories now.

The gender associated to sex. Its not a belief statement but rather used to avoid practical confusion.

So it’s all to do with stereotypes and coercion.
“I want people to believe I am the opposite sex, so I take cross sex hormones and have cosmetic surgery to alter my body. Then I threaten to disown my parents if they don’t go along with my fantasy, as well as threaten to harm myself.”

The 'and' is you believe gender is 'real' it just doesn't apply to you.

In your head? sure.

There is no such thing as a ‘cis’ woman / man. There are men and there are women. Some of those men and women pretend to be the opposite sex. They never can be the actual opposite sex.

Even many sex stereotypes are not anything to do with gender though. A lot is just fashion.
I wear make-up every day..I like it so I wear it.
I was also a big fan of the hair metal scene in the 80s and 90s where nearly all the men wore far more makeup than I do now. They were still very much men and no one thought otherwise.

There is no such thing as natal females & males? Really? This is news for the science community.

They are exactly what they have always been - sex is immutable. It’s not about ‘not wanting’ them to be - it’s about reality.