Trans identifying people gaslight their parents - a heartbreaking read.

[Soontobe60]

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This broke my heart to read. The impact a child who chooses to declare themselves the opposite sex has on their mother in particular is brutal. I cannot imagine a world where my children would demand that I change my own history to bow to their indoctrination.

Which pretty much describes us old school tomboys, to a degree. Although I think women's experience of gender is always going to be tied to their biology, no matter how gender non conforming they are. So I dont for one minute feel my gender presentation is the same as a man's, even though I am pretty non-feminine and enjoy some more typically male interests and hobbies. We are all a product of our environment and our biology. What I am clear about is that I am a female and could only ever be a female. Much as I often wished to have been born a male, because of sexism and misogyny, and would have loved to have had a mastectomy at various points in my life, I am also clear that I am an adult human female, can only ever be that and would have been devastated if I'd been born in the era when i would probably have been encouraged to pretend to be male and may have damaged my fertility and health as a result.

Yes, that would be because people on here often listen to the 5 detransitioners who get speaking fees for saying nobody should medically transition.

As for Suzy Green's daughter I have never heard of her expressing regret about being a woman tbh

I think it was a very clear account of how it feels to be the parent in this situation. Acceptance without exception has been the tra mantra for some time. The mother was accused of being unsafe but in the trans world even calmly trying to discuss it is bigoted and transphobic. It's very true that the whole ideology is all about rewriting everyone's history and anyone not going along with it is considered unsafe. Discussions get shut down because the whole thing does not stand up to logic.

When someone is writing about something from their perspective of course it will come cross as self centred! How else could she write it?
Her daughter has made a life changing decision and as a result is denying the reality of her history. By doing so, she is also denying her parent’s reality. The author grew her daughter in her womb, birthed her, named her, raised her. The daughter is telling her that that’s all a lie.
Divorce is a very different entity. Marriage is a legal document of a contract between 2 adults. Divorce severs that contract. It doesn’t mean that the marriage never happened.

Are mothers not allowed their own stories now?

Who said she isn't? You posted this on a discussion forum so its naturally going to be critiqued. And frankly if she's listening out there the critique might help. Indulging her delusional blame game of others certainly won't bring her relationship back which is what she says she wants or does she only want it on her terms? I can't see this working out for her unless she opens herself upto the possibility of her being limited in her understanding.

This is worth a read. I am half way through and can recommend it as it really does break down how we ended up where we are The TERF Diaries

As sex and gender are completely different people with trans identities have no need to enter the single sex spaces of the wrong sex.

Good.

There’s not a lot of research yet, what there is suggests a wide range of motivations.

From the abstract
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34665380/
Sixty-nine percent of the 100 participants were natal female and 31.0% were natal male. Reasons for detransitioning were varied and included: experiencing discrimination (23.0%); becoming more comfortable identifying as their natal sex (60.0%); having concerns about potential medical complications from transitioning (49.0%); and coming to the view that their gender dysphoria was caused by something specific such as trauma, abuse, or a mental health condition (38.0%). Homophobia or difficulty accepting themselves as lesbian, gay, or bisexual was expressed by 23.0% as a reason for transition and subsequent detransition. The majority (55.0%) felt that they did not receive an adequate evaluation from a doctor or mental health professional before starting transition and only 24.0% of respondents informed their clinicians that they had detransitioned. There are many different reasons and experiences leading to detransition. More research is needed to understand this population, determine the prevalence of detransition as an outcome of transition, meet the medical and psychological needs of this population, and better inform the process of evaluation and counseling prior to transition.

Do you think it’s a ‘rigid conservative view’ to oppose the removal you your daughter’s healthy breasts and reproductive organs, or your son’s healthy penis and testicles? Would you think the same if your son or daughter wanted their arms removed because they loathed them? Or they wanted to be able to get morphine on repeat prescription because it made them feel fantastic? Or their child had developed anorexia and they tried to get help to stop starving to death?

I don't think she's self centred. She's angry with the medical professionals who changed her daughter's body and with the activists who convinced her daughter that she was trans

I have felt pure, unbridled rage toward a medical system that could cut off the perfect young breasts of someone I once held as a baby. I have felt disgust at what seems to me a strange inversion of medicine, where a beautiful disease-free body can come to be treated as pathological. I have felt contempt toward adults and institutions I believe should have encouraged more curiosity, much more time, exploration, and tolerance for uncertainty before irreversible decisions were made.

If this had been a sequence of decisions my daughter made entirely on her own, perhaps my grief would feel different. But other adults participated and orchestrated. Activist adults encouraged her. Medical professionals assessed her (one visit) and gave hormones (second visit). Anesthetists put her to sleep. Surgeons operated. Nurses disposed of her healthy breast tissue in the medical waste.

She doesn't blame her daughter. She blames all those people who helped to harm her daughter's body and destroy her relationship with her daughter.

Hmm sorry, but I regard this in the same sort of way as if a child decided to reject their parents religion, or decide they're vegan (or not vegan), or come out as gay.

The mothers feelings are valid. But we raise our children to be their own people and sometimes that will differ DRASTICALLY to what we hoped for them.

Imagine for example if a boy raised in a traditional Muslim family decided to reject the faith and change his name from Mohammed (say) to something more neutral like Noah. Imagine now that he was accused of abusing (and gaslighting is abuse) his parents by doing so.

We'd all say the accusations of abuse are more than a little bit overblown.

And I think it's the same here. The mother is right to be upset. The accusations of abuse aren't on JUST because her child thinks they're trans.

https://fenwayhealth.org/new-study-shows-discrimination-stigma-and-family-pressure-drive-detransition-among-transgender-people/

Citation please.
Try reading Kiera Bell’s story.
https://www.persuasion.community/p/keira-bell-my-story

I think that it's naive to think that anyone can be convinced that they are trans and take the steps the author's child has taken.

I agree, it’s awful what is done to parental love in the name of this ideology. And yet another factor making it worse is all the performative fawning people do around it to show their “support,” while resolutely ignoring everything else.

I was at a gathering a few months ago at which it transpired one woman’s young adult daughter had transitioned, moved overseas to be with someone she met online (completely unknown to all friends and family at home), and has barely been in touch since. Oh, how people fluttered and cooed about how wonderful it was. I was the only person who quietly asked the mother how she felt about it all, and very quickly learned she was deeply worried about the relationship. Not one of her friends had gone past “Trans = everything good” to ask!

Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviours, expressions, and identities that society considers associated to women, men, girls, boys, and gender-diverse people.

In other words gender is associated to sex via typical behaviours.

If you want to go into detail about gender perhaps start a new thread.

superficial stuff like name & physical changes

Filling a woman's body with testosterone and cutting off her healthy breasts are not "superficial stuff".

FFS.

I won’t write the reply I want to because I’m not going to rise to your bait. You’re not worth the effort.

Yes heartbreaking is the word. I didn't get far before I had to stop reading.

That's one person's story which I actually read ages ago. The same place I saw the study which said most people detransition due to societal pressures and general lack of acceptance.

The author grew her daughter in her womb, birthed her, named her, raised her. The daughter is telling her that that’s all a lie.

Well no, the daughter isn't. Has she accused the mother of not birthing her, naming her, or raising her?

Let's not exaggerate.

Claiming be the opposite sex is a far cry to rejecting one’s religion. Religious belief is akin to gender identity ideology. It’s a belief, not a reality. Sex is a reality, not a belief. One can reject your sex, but it’s still a reality. I can reject my weight, but as soon as I get on the scales, the reality will stare me in the face.

If this was the case, then the profile of men who say they are women and who commit crimes would mainly be be 'not paying TV licence' or 'who got caught up with bad men and commit drug related crimes driven by the men' and not 'carries on with the male violence and indeed sexual violence which figures show is at a rate of 3 times that of men who do not say they are women'.

The daughter is denying the reality of her existence.