Asking people to use preferred pro-nouns is abelist and discriminatory - what affects your ability to comply?

[DJLippy]

I wanted to start a thread because I am really going to struggle to stay within Mumsnet talk guidelines.

I struggle to use preferred pro-noun's with those who I genuinely don't believe are the sex they claim to be. Because I have dyspraxia pro-noun policing creates a barrier for my fluency. I have to stop and think to change the pro-noun. I can go back and edit my post for 'mistakes' to comply but I miss out on pro-nouns (again because of my disability.)

I have spoken to those with autism and they've told me similar things - that they genuinely find it difficult to lie.

I also think that it is difficult for those for whom English is a second language. Un-learning sub-conscious grammar structures is hard enough for English people - I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for those from other countries.

I think this is a real issue when Mumsnet creates a three strike rule. I have stopped posting since the new rule change because I honestly and truly do not mean to break rules - I can't abide by this code and I don't always have the mental energy to police my sub-conscious like this.

Does anybody else have a reason (other than the fact that they don't agree) that they find it difficult to follow the new language laws? Is it right that social media platforms and public institutions create more barriers for those who are already disadvantaged?

I call my kids by the wrong names and mix up ‘dog’ and ‘cat’ twice a day.

As well as go upstairs and arrive having completely forgetten why I went up there.

And that’s just typical middle age, I think.

Also, I make mistakes because I am too vain to wear my newly-needed reading glasses.

I think the rules are going to be very hard for most to stick too, if only because they don’t appear to have properly defined boundaries.

I have mild aphasia abs a terrible memory for names.

But I realise that these are my problems and to not make an effort is being appallingly rude.

Autistic and though I can -consciously and with effort - follow naming and pronoun rules so long as they are clear. Eg not brekaing guidelines by "smith thinks that smith/they are whatever".
Contextual cues that are implied though I find nigh on impossible to judge. Such as "misgendering" can be okay "in context". Wtf?! It's feminism, what sex someone is will always be contextually relevant, surely?!

Anyway. Having a very tough time mh wise atm, so have a very short fuse when it comes to more gaslighting. So while I wish I could just stay away for a bit, I need the site atm, and end up getting drawn in and angry. Anyone who whinges about that being a bit pathetic (they always appear...), you try being physically disabled, pretty much housebound, reliant on someone who has massively let you down, unhappy and distanced from everyone in your life.

Because it is yet another stupid first world nonsense.

@Beyond

I understand how you feel. This debate has seriously affected my mental health at times - take a break. You need to take care of yourself before anybody else

I can have bad brain fog due to M.E. i muddle even basic words like 'open' and 'shop' at bad times.

Unfortunately this is my break DJ, I am hiding from RL on Mumsnet. Cause when I'm in RL all I can think about is how shit everything makes me feel. So we head into the downward spiral of "you only care about mn", because I need to know things - I need to read every single possible thread that could possibly help sort my head out.
Argh, I'm rambling and a little bit past caring that I'm rambling.

P also has form for reading my posts, so I try not to mention it here, then it all tumbles out in one go.

Due to my learning disability, I am not always clear in posts. My post was taken out of context and another poster on the thread agreed. I posted outside of FWR and was deleted, this deletion was used as three strikes and you are out. My other deletion was from quoting someone on FWR, who had a deletion.

It appears some protected characteristics are more equal than others, two legs bad and all that!

It appears some protected characteristics are more equal than others, two legs bad and all that!

Yes this!

How would I struggle to comply? I have a disability that I’m not willing to disclose on here which can cause issues with memory. I also have a science background which I am not willing to walk roughshod over.

I have more than dyslexia going on, I don't want to disclose everything in detail.

I struggle to comply simply because it is a very unnatural use of language to call a male "she" and a female "he". It is the same as if the rules suddenly changed and "cat" meant "dog" and vice versa.

It means that conversation cannot flow naturally as you need to check and double check your pronouns before you write and speak, rather than using the ones that for your whole life have been considered correct.

And I don't have any disability that impacts my ability to do this!

Clap on the back for those that found a way around their disability. Genuine congratulations to you.

Can you understand not everyone is the same as your family?

I have autism and struggle with staying within Talk Guidlines as it is; the new, vague rules MNHQ have implemented will make it just about impossible to do so.

So, bowing to TRAs is more important than being supportive to people with disabilities.

MNHQ have got some strange priorities. shrug

I do not appreciate having my genuine (EA protected) concerns called "an excuse".

Have I expressed myself clearly enough there?

Yes!

So, bowing to TRAs is more important than being supportive to people with disabilities

Sexual orientation is also protected. I imagine some lesbians will struggle to articulate their views under the new guidelines.

Broader than that religion and belief is also a protected characteristic. Belief is defined as Belief refers to any religious or philosophical belief and includes a lack of belief.Generally, a belief should affect your life choices or the way you live for it to be included in the definition. I would argue feminist belief is covered here.

for those who are struggling to stay within the rules. I'm just about towing the line.

I meant to add I agree with the bit in bold. I'm astonished that one protected characteristic is given so much more weight than others.

Erm because I don't capitulate yo compelled speech.

My name is not Winston Smith.

It's confusing enough at the best of times - I genuinely don't know what Eddie Izzard wants to be called now. I know he/she/they used to say they were a man who liked stereotypical feminine clothing but I think EI is now "trans" but I don't know if that's "trans but still happy to be he" or "trans but don't ever suggest she's ever not been a real actual woman". Ditto for those like [person whose name I've forgotten who won some women's award] who have different pronouns on different days - are we supposed to Google each person to check which days they identify as female/male? Does it count if we post it on a Wednesday when they're being female but someone reads it on a Thursday & gets offended?

My head hurts.

The feelings of scary people will always be prioritised over those of reasonable people.