My teenage dd and the clothes she wants to wear...help me out please

[AnyFucker]

This is a kind of follow-up from the "what you wear might make men want to rape you" argument on another thread

Of course, I am a fully card-carrying member of "women should wear what they like and not have to suffer unwelcome attention" group

But here is my dilemma..

My dd is 15. She has big breasts for her frame. She likes to wear low cut, tight vest tops which I really have to bit my tongue about as her boobs are very much on display. She also wants to wear these tiny little strapless playsuit thingies that have to be worn without a bra. It looks like at any moment she is going to fall out of the one she insisted on buying (with her own, earned money from a PT job)

Do I pull my parental muscle and ban the wearing of such items bearing in mind she is living in my house, under my care. She is 15 and fairly streetwise but wouldn't cope with any serious sexual predation (of course). As part of her job, she was subjected to some unwelcome attention from an older bloke and she absolutely freaked out.

But still she wants to wear these clothes, and I know (as much as I rail against it, intellectually) that it isn't right.

I know this post is absolutely chockfull of hypocrisy and stupidity, btw, but am in a right old muddle.

What do I say to her, without

1. knocking her confidence

2. banning said clothes outright (we shouldn't have to do that, should we ? should we ???)

Am I taking the concept of wearing what you like and Fuck the Patriarchy too far and overthinking this ? Or by letting her wear relatively revealing clothes, am I failing in my duty as her mother ?

Now be aware these are perfectly ordinary clothes you can buy all over the high street, that thousands of other teenagers are wearing too. That is why she wants them, of course. Nothing she wears is at all overtly sexy, it's just how it looks to me, IYSWIM. I see my DH wincing sometimes too, and he is very feminist-minded. I guess he is mindreading others

Help me sort this out please. < sob >

You know, this thread has got me thinking about how to raise DS to treat women respectfully no matter how they're dressed. Thoughts, anyone? Perhaps I should start a new thread so as not to detract from AnyFucker's thread, actually.

I hav a ds too, any thoughts welcome, wherever they may be written

I agree that boys can be even more obsessed with their appearance (I have a 15 year old step-son too). I guess that the difference is, as you suggest, that they generally don't come in for the sort of predatory attention that teenage girls do. It's a fucker for girls.

I thought dd was free and clear, as she is so sporty and ends up spending time in sports gear, and because she is involved in physical activity all the time never really got into the whole girly hair/girly clothes thing.

She is still rather tomboyish, she would never wear a skirt in a month of Sundays, but has now started to wear fitted and very low cut stuff. I just don't think she is ready for the attention, at the moment because she is a tomboy she is 'one of the lads' and I think that dynamic will change unfortunately as she changes what she wears.

I am actually rather thankful for dd's Hollister and Jack Wills addiction as although it bloody bankrupts me, it is very modest in styling (is shorts, jeans, sweats, t shirts and shirts in the main and is not high fashion)

Mind you, DD's tomboy style has got her into trouble as well. At her last school she was roundly bullied for being a 'lesbian'. Real low level but constant name calling and sneering. She tried to defend herself (which I admire) by saying 'I am not a lesbian, but there is nothing wrong with being a lesbain anyway, my aunty is one' ate which point the bullying escalated. It was hideous and she moved schools in the end.

I think the lesbian namecalling etc started because she was so resolutely sporty, wasn't girly at the time.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Dittany- you're not wrong!

nope, we wouldn't abuse our power in that way, would we

boys are not sexualised

unless you count having your underpants hanging out of the back of your jeans, which you have to keep hitching up because although you like to think having the crotch round your knees is cool it is frankly just bloody uncomfortable

What in the name of god!

lol at that link. Sexy? I don't think so. If DP wore that I would point and laugh.

Am on work laptop as well oh GOD

< wonders what keywords Dittany used to google-find that site >

Boys are starting to wear low cut tops. My stepson (24) came round last week in a very deep cut v top, you could almost see his navel. Bless him.

He still does that whole arse out the back of jeans, WHY?

the zip-up one is a nice touch

I wondered that as well AnyF

Never did I think I would see the day that Dittany posted a link to lurex willy warmers

lolol am just looking at a pair of pants called Babylon Ring (with handy cock ring attached for your pleasure)

One thing I wish dd would embrace is her height, she is 6 foot like me and in ALL pictures with her mates (who are all small) she stoops and is so self conscious. She thinks she is fat as she is a clothes size bigger than her mates. She is a 8-10 BTW, sometimes 12, so of course she is not fat, and she is very muscular from all the sport, but she always compares herself to her 5 foot 3 mates who are size 4 or something.

I wish she would realise that being tall is great. All the better to look down your nose at shortarsed blokes at work and get the better of them (oh god starting to channel Xenia)

shocking innit, mary

Dittany, I thought you were a man-hater ? Don't let the side down, now

I am very tempted to show DP the comedy thongs site, however I think he would worry a bit knowing that I have been looking at gay underwear sites at 1 o clock on a Wednesday morning

Am off to bed, thanks for the serious (and not-so-serious) chat everybody x