Today my cat is a twat because

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

He has decided that his new sleeping spot is on top of the plastic drawers I keep all my craft stuff in. He has knocked all the crap stuff of the top and I've had to move my expensive craft light and the phone because they were next. It's not because he's too hot, because as soon as Dh sits down he's on him.
It's because he's a dick.
Tell me I'm not alone.

Here's a pic of him knowing he has won again.

You are not alone. My cat is constant lolling around on our stone floor making out she’s hot. As soon as food goes her bowl she’s up and at it. Then she decides to sleep inside a high sided cardboard box in the sun. No sense whatsoever!

You love him really

Yup. Mine would have you believe she's melting in the heat for some food then the moment food has been delivered goes and lays down in the baking hot conservatory and sleeps for the rest of the day!

Oh and howls at 6am on a Saturday and wakes us up because she's seen a frightening shadow outside the front door. Sigh.

Mine decided to balance on top of a full laundry basket I'd put up out of the way. Clean washing all over the floor.

She weed on dd's blanket that dd adores. Twice in one week. She's mad at us for something.

Mine has decided that 4am is a good time to run madly around the house each morning to see if anyone else will get up and play (the answer is NO!)

Mine has brought home all kinds of little creatures, at least one a day for the last few weeks. I feel like he's giving me a show and tell lesson about British wildlife

We've had sparrows, starlings, mice, rats, shrews...

At least they're (usually) already dead when he brings them in now. Although I did rescue a little dormouse from his jaws last night

I have just collected mine from the cattery after ten days away. She behaved perfectly the entire time, and thirty minutes before I collected her she made a break for freedom and ended up in the rafters of the cattery shed. The owner, myself and husband all spent a further hour on ladders trying to persuade her down. She came down herself when she got bored. Twat.

My in laws cat either totally ignores us when we visit or follows us around like a bored toddler. Last time I was there I opened the suitcase and PING she was there "my suitcase now. I'm gonna sit on your clothes and not move my bum when you actually want to get something. Mine mine mine"

I can top all that, I'm looking after a house rabbit and overnight she's eaten through the flex of the fan I bought on Thursday. Fortunately for her it was unplugged.

Ah bless him OP, he looks so cute. Mine had collapsed on the kitchen floor getting in my way whilst I’m trying to put shopping away, pretending to be hot, then promptly got up when I finished and now rolling about on the rug in front of us.

Mine has decided he wants to sleep in his cat carrier all the time. But if he’s put in it to be taken to the vets ever then he makes out it’s worse than Hell

I was also changing the bed sheets last night and he decided he wanted to play at that exact moment. He was getting tangled up in the sheets and the whole thing took far longer than it needed to

He stayed out all night for the first time ever, DH and I kept waking up worrying. He strolled in at 7am, had some breakfast and buggered right off again!

My parents cat sits in a certain spot outside the bathroom and you have to step over her to get in. She reaches her paw up and wacks your feet.

@bookmum haha mine does that. Whenever I walk past him he’ll punch my ankle with his paw

I opened all the windows upstairs last night to try to get some air flowing. We heard a crash but assumed it was downstairs. Turns out PuffinCat had knocked over DH's anniversary present to me (a glass bottle) that was in the bathroom window. It survived, but she never knocks any crap over when she's in the bathroom, just the nice stuff

Cat shat on my favourite pair of shoes.

One of mine just helped himself to a lemon/elderflower drizzle cake. Bastard.

Oh and he licked the butter off of my last oatcake

Ours is the sex prevention Cat 🙄

Don't see him all day/evening, soon as we get into bed BOOM he appears from nowhere, curls between us in the middle of the bed.

Attacks my toes if I try and move him.

We do love him really 😋

Mine keeps drowning mice in the mopbucket we store outside

First mouse we found, we thought it must have climbed in and drowned

But we have now discovered mouse number 4.

Mice are intelligent creatures. Surely 4 wouldn't drown?

Can only conclude the cat is catching them and then watching them drown evil cow

Mine has worked out how to open two doors and get into the room where the plastic flowers are kept (on holiday, moved all the owners plastic flowers into one so called secure room for their safety), has eaten said plastic flowers and puked all over the carpeted areas of the house leaving the tiled floor bits clean.

Soubriquet, I'm in awe of your cat.

Here is mine sitting in the bath. At the precise moment I would like to run a bath.
(I love him really, daft bugger)