Today my cat is a twat because

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

He has decided that his new sleeping spot is on top of the plastic drawers I keep all my craft stuff in. He has knocked all the crap stuff of the top and I've had to move my expensive craft light and the phone because they were next. It's not because he's too hot, because as soon as Dh sits down he's on him.
It's because he's a dick.
Tell me I'm not alone.

PS @Pokerfaceorbust1 do we have twin cats?

Mine returned from the cattery with a report that she was very loud and chatty for the whole week. I swear we heard a sigh of relief that she was leaving from the staff and other cats as we drove out the gate.

She stole duck from my partners plate but she knows he's too stupid to watch out for her while he's eating.

Since then she's been a Velcro cat, insisting she lies on our laps and is touching us at all times. She protests very loudly if you need to get up.

Mine once stole a whole salmon fillet off my plate and ran off with it

My childhood cat would catch and eat butterflies. It was hard to love her when she was there with some beautiful wings hanging out her mouth.

One of mine has started peeing in the hallway. Had to throw a fabric doorstop out as it stank and now I can't get rid of the smell. Swear the Autoglass guy wrinkled his nose when I opened the door.

Off to give floor good mop 😡

mine has decided the tiny kitchen floor is where she's going to be sleeping whilst it's still so hot. she spreads herself out and we have to step over her, my toddler fell over her and she didn't even flinch.

@SeaLionsOnMyShirt

I'm not

I think it's quite sadistic. Least if she killed them it would be quicker than watching the poor things drown

One of our waited until I'd hovered & mopped the kitchen and hallway this morning before bringing in a bird and spreading the feathers everywhere, he then decided to go and collect a mouse and a slow worm and bring them into the house too I came back from reuniting the slow worm with the garden and the asshat was asleep in my basket of clean washing, he is such a git

Boycat insists on sitting on the rim of the (extra large!) litter tray which means he always gets a bit of poo on the floor...which he observes us cleaning up to make sure we're doing it right. Oddly, he never gets wee on the floor

Girl cat HOWLED for food this morning, despite there being a full bowl of dry down, meaning I couldn't have a lay in. Dished up her wet food while she cried, put it in front of her and she sniffed it and wandered off seemingly satisfied! Not a bloody bite!

Snorg decided she wanted to take a waddle out the front door last night. It's not enclosed so she's not allowed out, and she knows it!

Mine ate grass and then came inside to vomit on my handbag.

Moo a dormouse? They are incredibly rare and secretive and only found in a few places in the country.
Mine is now outside as he's had a flea tablet which make him crazy. He sits on crazy things, like tge top of the swing bin, wedged onto a five centimetre square bit of the laptop table, in the fireplace. He's sat on top of the folded up sun lounger.
Dick.

I've planted up a car tyre with cat mint and cat grass. My cat lays in it all day! She is a stoned twat!

Mine has decided that the dawn chorus is her personal 4.30am alarm clock
She's trying to get out the top bedroom windows now, which is dangerous
So we're having to sleep in a sauna so she's safe

Little cow used to sleep round till someone got out of bed

Oh and we call her catniss now cause she's stepped up leaving tributes

My boy waited patiently while I tried to get to sleep in the heat. The moment I finally dropped off the little bastard took a run up from the landing, burst through the bedroom door and actually bounced on my head before crashing through the blinds to then sit serenely on the windowsill. He is lucky to be alive today!

Following his flea treatment I gave him a bath. After the initial scrabbling he was laying in the basin thinking-you know what, this is nice.
Dick.

Mine pooped on the stairs. The clean litter try apparently wasn't suitable today.

Spongecat is pure black and tbh must be quite hot. She came to bleat at me to put the tower fan on, but no dice, as its broken. Spongeman has tried to fix it, and its beyond hope bu**ered. So I tried to contrive her a cool mat, with wrapped cool blocks from the freezer. This is not to her liking, and she is laid in a warm spot, looking pained.

We could be forgiven for thinking that this thread is the antithesis of my 'what makes your cat happy?' thread. But no. Because often what makes our cats happy involves cattwattery of the highest order.

Catwattery priceless

Ours is fighting with next doors cat around 7:30am, it's like he knows it'll be too hot later on so he gets it done first thing.

Then he collapses on a footstool all day.

My shitbag lovely puss has thoroughly tested the frozen chicken korma I got out for tea, and then for added fuck-you, he puked it onto my toes.

Love catwattery!
The next thing he's done is climb on to the bird table to eat....the mealworms and suet pellets.

Cried to be fed before I left this morning. Fed him and came back to untouched food with fly eggs in

I did ponder whether to hyphenate it:

Cat-twattery, Cat-Twattery

or whether it should be one word with one or 2 ts:

Cattwattery, Catwattery.

With the benefit of hindsight, I think Catwattery has it.