Today my cat is a twat because

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

He has decided that his new sleeping spot is on top of the plastic drawers I keep all my craft stuff in. He has knocked all the crap stuff of the top and I've had to move my expensive craft light and the phone because they were next. It's not because he's too hot, because as soon as Dh sits down he's on him.
It's because he's a dick.
Tell me I'm not alone.

Mine hasn't done anything dickish in the past 24 hours. She must be storing it up for later. Probably one of the following:

• vomiting on the carpet (not the laminate or the tiles, just the carpet)
• Sitting at the bottom of the stairs at 4 am and wailing at the top of her voice because she can't find us. Because we've only lived there for 4 years and she still can't remember which room we sleep in.
• Begging for food absolutely incessantly, then taking one look at the new cat food offered and buggering off outside without touching it.

Mine woke me up at 4am and every half hour since. I'm so tired. I'm now home for lunch, and he's snoozing

Furballs, just furballs! We don't usually 'do' furballs, but with this unprecedented extended heatwave even ML has been shedding. Hence a sudden and unwelcome increase in furballs. Furballs under (bare) foot, which squelch out noxious liquid when you inadvertently tred on one in the half light. Furballs on your (bare) elbow as you lean onto a windowsill to take in some cooler air. The sudden mad dash - when we're all natural sloths in this weather - to prevent a furball about to be deposited on a dryclean only best coat. And it's his smug, relieved, 'well you'd better clean that up then, hadn't you, puny human' face afterwards that really gets my goat. Better out than in and all that, but it's catwattery alright.

Mines just spent the last 20 mins tormenting a cricket in the hall way - and my 5ft 7in 17 year old daughter can not get out of the front door! Oh - wait he's just eaten it - little shit !!!

Jiminy Cricket!

Mine would be a twat but I barely see him anymore!

Mine decided 4 a.m. was an excellent time to wake the dog by leaping madly around it going 'Prrrr..... MEEEP!' and pouncing round the furniture.

I know this from DD, who was woken by the cat noise before the dog's manic barking woke the rest of the house.

@Frosty66612 what a kill joy 😂😂😂😂

@MiniLeopardInTheHouse bare foot furball 😷 I once stood on a slug bare foot utterly traumatising!

I'm currently feeding a hedgehog.

Last year Drusilla was very friendly and would happily snuffle around my feet and only chuffed if she was stroked.

Brian (I just think it looks like a Brian) is scared of humans looking at him. I can put out food and water and watch him out of the corner of your eye but if you look directly at him he runs away.

So the cat sits at the side of the door and waits for him and then chases him!.

Poor Brian.

Although he could be the Usain Bolt of the Hog world.

Ugh, Kitty, poor you!!! A slug fest here too, but at least the badgers keep the population down a bit and I'm yet to tread on one - in bare feet, anyway!

Usain Bolt of the Hog world

Yesterday's catwattery involved completely ignoring toys which had cost us time, effort and money, and instead playing for absolutely ages with a food bag closure tape.

He kept making sure we were watching him, and he looked quite smug. It was as if he was taunting us, saying 'I reject your puny human consumerism', and 'Your purchases did not impress me'.

Still cute though.

My Maine coon has taken to humping a hot water bottle cover. He always wants me to watch him doing it and if I look away I get a nip. He was neutered as a kitten so god knows why he’s turned into a horny perv recently

@Frosty66612 That has made my day hahaha!

I have afriend who's child used to hump things when she was younger. I was babysitting once and found her at it, I didn't know what to do so just left her to it and she came back to the room I was in a little while later very flustered!

@Frosty66612 omg stop my Exotic loves nothing more than a good hump, usually something of a furry nature, like dressing gown, furry blankets type material. He's neutered too and always bites whatever he's humping.

He's such a man, he's had his fill and has now fallen asleep spooning his latest conquest q

Haha mine makes such a racket when he’s humping. Lots of loud wailing noises. Does yours do that too? He also bites his conequests too (either the hot water bottle cover, dressing gown or a slipper)

Dcat caught another mouse. It was taken off him and released and he was dragged indoors, protesting.
He seems to think he is a lean, mean killing machine - the feline equivalent of James Bond - instead of a rather overweight tabby who probably catches things more by luck than skill.
He is now snoozing on the sofa, no doubt dreaming of what poor little creature he can torment next!

@Frosty66612 no noises here just humping, he's feeling extra exhibitionist tonight as he's brought his blanket to the living room and is going in for round two 😐

Dwangela, hysterical

My old kitty was a humper, mostly of my leg when in bed, covered by duvet. He would be most indignant when I moved my leg to stop him and would follow it all around the bed. Vet said although he was castrated, he still humped because it was learned behaviour, a bit like muscle memory.

We moved 6 months ago, skinny cat worked out about 3 months ago she can open the front door if she tries really hard, this week she's worked out how to open next doors front door, next door are not big cat fans, there's 6 kids next door so it's not like she's looking for peace and quiet.

Fat cat keeps coming in the cat flap at the back door and sitting crying at the front door for me to let him out, I keep telling him the cat flap works both ways but he doesn't believe me.

jmh740 - I keep telling him the cat flap works both ways but he doesn't believe me. Love it!

All this cat humping! Our old cat (neutered) used to ...errrr ...take cleaning himself a bit too far. Then get a far away look on his face and make what became known as his nashy face (he made the sound too). Fucking perv.
The og Twat cat on this thread has now decided he wants to sleep in the kitchen, either in the middle of the floor or in the washing machine on the wet clothes (that lazy arse ds hasn't hung out). Twat.