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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Today my cat is a twat because

131 replies

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 07/07/2018 09:39

He has decided that his new sleeping spot is on top of the plastic drawers I keep all my craft stuff in. He has knocked all the crap stuff of the top and I've had to move my expensive craft light and the phone because they were next. It's not because he's too hot, because as soon as Dh sits down he's on him.
It's because he's a dick.
Tell me I'm not alone.

OP posts:
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Furx · 07/07/2018 18:35

Rofl @sexpreventioncat

Ours doesn’t hunt. Has never hunted. He’s waaay too lazy.

I don’t drink very often.

Except last night we had a big family celebration. And I did drink. (See where this is going)

What day, of all days ‚ did twatty mc catface decide to find a mouse and chuck it on the bed at 4am?

MiniLeopardInTheHouse · 07/07/2018 18:36

I have never written it down before. Usually it is said in my head or under my breath with DCs around.

I have shouted it in an empty house, on discovering some fresh hell.

I have asked ML, ' WHAT CATWATTERY IS THIS?!', but he just looks impassively back at me, very obviously thinking, 'Meh. Get over it, puny human'.

Regingaphalange · 07/07/2018 18:38

She has brought me gifts of 2 pigeons and 2 other wee birds in the past 4 days Hmm

LetticeFortescue · 07/07/2018 18:39

Yabu for keeping your stuff on his current, or indeed any potential, sleeping spot. Poor little kitty having to move it before he could get a decent kip.

Pywife2 · 07/07/2018 19:08

Our cat is a complete bastard with nothing but contempt for humans, who hates other cats and thinks he owns the whole street. He fools people into thinking he's nice and they feed him and let him into their homes. Then he beats up their cats. I actually worry that he will hurt their children and I have seen him squirming round strangers in the street, pretending to be nice: I worry he will scratch them.

We feed one neighbour's pets when they are on holiday and when we went over on one evening, our cat strolled out of a cupboard in their kitchen. He looked at us like 'What are YOU doing here?'

He has done many vile things in his unreasonably long lifetime, but most of them are not very funny. He's a liability and I believe he's a psychopath. Maybe bitter because he's been neutered, who knows.

DemonDiva · 07/07/2018 19:12

Today is Girlcat’s third birthday. I jokingly asked Boycat what he was going to get her - a mouse, perhaps? Not 10 minutes later, he appeared with a poor little brown mouse which they both proceeded to torment up and down the garden. It eventually sought refuge in the bottom of a drainpipe, over which the furry fiends have been taking it in turns to stand guard all day. I have put a little dish of water in there for it, and hope it can make a bid for freedom under cover of darkness later. Twats.

MachineBee · 07/07/2018 20:26

PyWife2. Is your cat a gingery tabby with beautiful green eyes? If so, he’s tormenting my cat and keeps trying to get into my house. Not funny having to shut doors and windows in this weather. The other night he got in without us realising. We went to bed and at 3am he kindly woke us up to let us know he’d shit on the sofa. Angry

sirmione16 · 07/07/2018 20:34

If she hears you roll over in bed, she assumes you're awake and therefore will jump up, meow GOOD MORNING right in your face and paw your arm until you give her fuss.

Today my cat is a twat because
BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 07/07/2018 20:42

He's in a rage... I'm not sure why. He left home for a week and I searched for him.

Found out he was being fed for several days by neighbours. Asked them to stop feeding him.

So he stropped home like a teenager and woke me up by walking across my face and head... Git... He keeps glaring at me.

Today my cat is a twat because
sillyswimmer · 07/07/2018 21:14

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle that is one annoyed cat Grin

Toddlerteaplease · 07/07/2018 21:42

If she hears you roll over in bed, she assumes you're awake and therefore will jump up, meow GOOD MORNING right in your face and paw your arm until you give her fuss.
*
^^* Snorg does this. Except I don't even have to move. She just assumes anyway.

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 07/07/2018 21:47

@sillyswimmer he's an utter twat. The idiot was lying on my lap grumbling. Everytime I put him off my lap he would climb back on and start grumping again...

Pywife2 · 07/07/2018 22:17

Machinebee I do have a ginger cat but he is quite nice, although currently eating the hedgehog food we just put out. The Evil One is white, although he's grey a lot of the time because he hangs about in the charcoal store at the end of our lane, slaughtering rodents. One time he climbed up into our chimney and stepped out covered in greasy, black soot. We had to shower him, luckily scooped him up before he achieved his aim of rubbing all round the furniture. All the while we were washing him, he caterwauled and his brother kept up a racket outside the bathroom door. His brother was the most affectionate cat I ever had, a grey tabby.

Your ginger visitor sounds gorgeous but a nuisance.

MachineBee · 07/07/2018 23:29

PyWife I love cats but at the moment I’m beginning to feel like Dr Doolittle because not only do we have a persistent visiting cat, a neighbours’ dog enjoys playing in our garden more than their own, a very bold fox who worryingly comes right up to the house, a hedgehog who loves to ball up under the BBQ and we’ve just discovered we have mice in the loft! Any MNet tips on getting them all to move on would be very welcome. My poor little tabby cat is such a wuss and is rather anxious now.

MiniLeopardInTheHouse · 08/07/2018 11:19

Only relatively minor Catwattery to report this morning, unlike yesterday when there was 2 lots of medium Catwattery to contend with.

In the night, ML has brought up quite a large quantity of hairball and food. No problem there, better out than in and all that. But why oh why did he have to do it in his bed? On his blanket? On his clean blanket? On his new clean blanket? And why did he then stay there next to it, so that some of it got on his tail? He is a bright cat in so many ways. So why, just why?!

He has supervised the cleaning up process.

Pywife2 · 08/07/2018 11:28

I don't know what to do about your menagerie MachineBee. I'd probably be okay with all except the mice, but I suspect the white weirdo would make short work of them. We had a large snake in the garden, but I missed it, I was at work. My lucky DH disturbed it when weeding. He hates them 😆

UnapologeticallyUnhinged · 08/07/2018 12:43

My Siamese rescue moved in just over 3 months ago and so far I have had a variety of offerings brought in - frogs, worms, mice, moths and his favourite...birds. Both big and small. Only problem with this is he doesn't always kill them outright and then they flap all over the house covering every surface with feathers and bird shit. Also he is absolutely massive and sleeps horizontally across the bed. If I dare move I get a sharp bite. But I always did love a bad boy!

Today my cat is a twat because
MiniLeopardInTheHouse · 08/07/2018 14:27

...He ate a large blue bottle fly. Not just ate it. Crunched it slowly and thoroughly. Moved it around all areas of his mouth to get full benefit. Savoured it. As it it were caviar or oysters. In front of everyone. We were eating lunch. Catwattery.

emwithme · 08/07/2018 14:37

BoyCat was disgruntled at having to wait for GirlCat to arrive for bedtime wet food last night when DH called them so went off and supplemented with a mouse, most of which he left under the washing line this morning.

I know this because I stepped in said mouse BAREFOOT while putting a load of laundry out. Mouse innards all over my foot.

I swear I could hear him giggle from under a bush.

Want2beme · 08/07/2018 16:10

Have you seen Dr Jerzy Targalski's cat? No need to ask who's the boss in that household!

Pywife2 that's actually pretty scaryShock

MachineBee · 08/07/2018 16:24

My lady dog loved insects I swear she used to enjoy them like crisps. Daddy long legs, wasps and bees were her favourites.

isseywithcats · 09/07/2018 21:41

twat cats in this house today the younger ones, 9two of 9 months old) have decided that they cant wait for mum to come in from work and collaborated with each other have raided the biscuit barrell, eaten about 6 portions of biscuits between them , little sods, and the big ginger asbo sod has been out all day come in scoffed his supper and promptly chucked it all back all over my lounge rug

DwangelaForever · 09/07/2018 21:42

He stole my chicken skin when I was getting my daughter a drink 😂

Spiderpants · 09/07/2018 21:52

she pissed on my desk! im sure she hates me

madja · 09/07/2018 22:00

I moved in with my husband and his two cats. One lovely, one affectionately known as bitchcat. So, so jealous of me that she did many things to get at me over the years, but the most outrageous was when she was going through a fussy phase. If the litter tray had been even looked at, she wouldn't use it.
I have a really long hall I don't use every day, but got a whiff of something unpleasant further down.
She'd decided that she would prefer to use my gym bag as a toilet instead. Repeated!
My fault you see for not keeping it clean enoughGrin
I did still love her though.

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