Today my cat is a twat because

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

He has decided that his new sleeping spot is on top of the plastic drawers I keep all my craft stuff in. He has knocked all the crap stuff of the top and I've had to move my expensive craft light and the phone because they were next. It's not because he's too hot, because as soon as Dh sits down he's on him.
It's because he's a dick.
Tell me I'm not alone.

My tabby girl keeps leaving the feet and heads of sparrows, having crunched through the rest. I have enough bird heads to re-enact Machu Picchu. I have also been gifted several mice and shrewd and an enormous mole. All within a matter of days!

Big ginger boy is just hot and angry and keeps shouting at me to turn the sun down

WetsTheVet my cat also just leaves the head and feet .....I’ve no idea how he manages to catch the entire bird- he spends most of his day ‘shouting’ at the bird tree therefore giving himself away! He still manages to catch them though so maybe he knows something I don’t !

Mine has decided that she can only sleep on me which is delightful as a. I'm already too hot without a large, long haired cat sleeping on me and b. If you try to move you get the claw.

Mine is still lying on a fur cushion under a blanket while whining about the heat. I persuaded him to go outside where he did a dramatic pretend faint onto the garden

Mine has discovered that he can open a couple of the kitchen cupboards by repeatedly bashing the doors until they gain momentum and swing open enough to grab. He has yet to grab and open either of them to my knowledge, but that's cold comfort when the bashing sound carries through the flat (and one of the cupboards houses the bin, and he would absolutely love to make himself ill by eating the plastic bin liner, not to mention that the kittens would then doubtless dive in and spread the kitchen rubbish across the floor).

My twat cat demanded I turn the fan off in the middle of the night so she could have cuddles (she's scared of the fan). Normally that would be cute, but in this heat it's obnoxious.

I was eating my lunch and two of them got right up on the table where I was sitting and ......... NSFW

Well....

That's nice

That's very friendly of them

I've bought mine new bells for their collars, after a spate of murderous catwattery. Advertised as "very loud" bells. Since then the rampage has in creased. I can only think these bells are like mini pied piper flutes because they are awful hunters.

Yes, Catwattery of the highest order, ilove, and while you're eating too.

What I really object to is when ML curls up on my lap for a snooze, lulling me into a cosy, relaxed state, only for me to look up on feeling some movement to find he's washing his smalls!!! His legs akimbo!!! On my lap!!!

It makes me happy at this point to stand up abruptly, thus launching him into mid-air.

He can go and do that elsewhere, thank you very much. No respect.

Complete and utter Catwattery!

like mini pied piper flutes

She shit on my DDs new leather riding boots.

Ok this i really my fault and I feel awful...

I dont like using weedkiller anyway but Ernie loves to eat grass or anything that resembles grass so I am very wary of using it. However we have an area we need to clear so needed to use some, got it all planned out so that we would cover the area as soon as it was done, as even though it is petsafe once it's dry, I was a tad unsure if he later ate the grass...

In our planning forgot to the windows were open and he came out being nosy tromping over the area...cue me screaming at him. It was so hot I think it was dry but didnt want to take any chances

He really really didnt like being wisked away and being doused in water...OH thought it a good idea to get the hose out but Ern wasn't willing.

It took two of us to get him in the utility sink

Mine caught and killed 5 voles and left them at the French doors out the back so we could all get a good viewing whilst she continued to eat half of one. She later threw this up on the sandpit lid 🤢

Ern has caught a few birds recently and we have always been able to rescue them.

Just called him earlier over next doors fence where he likes to sleep...and there is a dead bird on the patio...The house is empty and the gate has been nailed shut, so we cant get at it to dispose of.

So I know the bird is going to get fly blown

He's stolen my pillow and looks all blissful

Because he was out all night last night - nothing new but he usually gives me a bit of a head bump/ meow in the early morning hours - I pretend to hate it but in reality it means I know he is ok . He didn’t do it this morning and he didn’t come in to the treats rattled at 6 am or 7am. Instead he came bowling in at 7.15 just as was leaving for work- tail held high and all proud of himself, affectionate as anything, rubbing up against myself as If his life depended on it ....... and absolutely covered in round sticky balls.
The weed you loved as I kid because it stuck to everyone and you could leave the little balls on their clothes.......he was absolutely covered with those sticky balls!!!
Got off as much as I could before going to work (can you imagine trying to pin a cat down to remove the sticky balls? ) before thinking ‘f^

I was running very late to catch a train to an important meeting. My girly-whirly decided to do a stinky sloppy poop (in her tray thank goodness) and then vomit up a giant fur ball in the kitchen just as I was trying to leave.
Always happens when I’m rushing about, always !

Got the patio doors open as its a gorgeous morning and the youngest is trying to break her personal best for how long it takes to run from the back of the garden to the front door!

Done it five or six times now and not showing signs of tiring!

My Maine coon seems to have developed a hatred for the sound of laughter. Recently whenever my DP and I are laughing at something, he will race over and give us a light nip to warn us to be quiet. Miserable git

Mr fluffy woke me up at 5am on my one day off. Apparently breakfast was long overdue.

Because I woke up to discover he had escaped (indoor cat) and didn't return for a good hour until I walked around town like a mad woman in my pyjamas shaking his food. I had also slept with conditioner in the ends of my hair my hair looked like a birds nest.

He then returned and puked up a massive fur ball on the patio and spent the rest of the day giving me filthy looks and an attitude!

@Frosty66612 my maine coon is a grumpy sod too!

@kitty my DP and I were being silly and dancing around the room etc last night and he (the Maine coon) literally ran over from his basket and put a claw into my back. It’s as if he’s turned into the fun police!

My knob head woke me at 5am by purring in my face and pulling my hair - he wanted letting out of the front door. His open cat flap on the back door isn’t good enough for his highness