4th thread MAFS AUS - more production than 20 prize laying chooks - feathers meets straw connection

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

There ye are 🐓 🐓

[MrsGRamsay]

Bugger @SheldonesqueIsUnwell; not Donny Osmond but David Cassidy however, my lurvve is still true and if I knew how to do emojis I’d stick some in.

BTW - Marfa, wtf? Why doesn’t Bloke see through her? All the controlling behaviour gives me the willies.

Heidi and Mike deserve each other and will never get to a compromise.

Hopefully, Dan and Jess will infect each other with more dreadful tattoos in the vacuous hope it will distract from their true personas.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

I really love Cam and Jules as a couple I think they're sick of the drama and have got to the point where they just shrug and go "fuck this".

Jules is so strikingly beautiful isn't she, I'm straight and I think I fancy Jules and Mick the most 🤣

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

Seeing as how you are here mrsgr - what is the white gunk on Ning’s lashes? We are getting the drift that it will be nowt to do with Mark. Is it glue? Primer stuff? I don’t know.

I’ve scabby little lashes but I don’t think I can bear to have a 9 year old’s school fringe hanging off my eyelids so I may never get to know 😫

When I first glimpsed Daaaan’s tattoos I thought he had drawn on pecs. Or boobage. I love crap ink - on other people.

I am unadorned still as I’ve not ever found anything I can live with forever. It is bad enough catching sight of my reflection - Like Ning, I think I’m 32....

I reckon Jess has room for pigsaaaaaaaaaaarse on her other shoulder.

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

I do think that Jules and Cam were blessed as I think they actually like eachother and may just have found love.

I think my flurries of rage at the InstaJ behaviour would make them cry every day James. Jules’s shoulder would be wringing.

I’d feel like I was upsetting ma and pa Walton.

My mam tried to raise me right - honest. I’ve failed her.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Jules’s shoulder would be wringing

🤣🤣

I dunno about anyone else but do you ever have one of those moments where you think "God I am one insensitive arsehole". I always think that when I watch Cameron crying. It's not because it's a man crying, it's the way he just goes from speaking normally to some hysterical squawk and then a comedy cry as he headbutts Jules' shoulder and then she strokes him like a dog. Like it all happens in a split second and is totally ridiculous. I've actually watched it a few times and I still crease up laughing 🙊

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

I'm still laughing at "mealiemouthed pair of flaps" 😂😂😂

[JaneJeffer]

Mike's date gave me seasickness and vertigo and I was just watching it on telly so God knows how Heidi felt. I wonder who gave her the sea bands.

[MrsGRamsay]

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell plus all others (why are we so involved??) i am catching up and I have the rage; pure rage and will be back. Pigs Aaarrse XX

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

james meet your fellow b’stard.

One thing that is usually guaranteed to make my bottom lip go is the sight of a man in tears. I can’t deal.

I laughed. I’m not proud. He nearly knocked himself out.

I’ve seen a lesser reaction from a bloke hoofed in the jewels.

Jules was magnificent. Straight into mother mode. She be practising for when she meets someone and gets to be a mam.

Skint knee? Waaaaaaaaah. Theretherepatpat.

Dropped ice cream? Waaaaaaah.

Theretherepatpat.

Ausmam of the year 2032. Watch this space.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

I get horrendously seasick.And there's nothing I can do about it. ExH did, on our first holiday (not realising I got seasick TBF, he didn't do a Mike) booked a surprise scuba driving trip. I bought the tablets, the bands, downloaded the calming sounds thingy onto my iPod. Didn't stop me up chucking over the side of the boat the whole journey I would have been upset if he'd known and done it anyway, like Mike did.

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

And to make me even more old sounding...

I look at Jules and Cam and see Andy Capp and Flo.

I can’t help it.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

He nearly knocked himself out

I’ve seen a lesser reaction from a bloke hoofed in the jewels.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

STOP IT @SheldonesqueIsUnwell I'm in bed and I'm laughing so hard I now need to go for a wee. And I can't be arsed.

You should write comedies or something you are very funny and have made this thread so enjoyable.

I once dumped a bloke for crying in the pub when England lost a Euro 2004 match. Him and his mate both sobbing like wee girls! In the pub! His friend's girlfriend did a Jules theretherepatpat with her boyfriend, and I was opposite then shouting (I was v drunk) at my boyfriend "Are you fucking crying? Get a grip! It's a ball game." He then told me it would take him "approximately two weeks to get over the match loss" (that's honestly verbatim). I dumped him via text the next day. I couldn't face what he'd be like getting dumped in person.

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

And I reckon Flo would have killed for that shiny gold pleated skirt as well.

[ktp100]

Yes, Mike is self-centred but does Heidi ever stop MOANING???!!!

She enjoys the drama, I swear. She'd rather brood for hours/days than just say 'Oy, knob head, this is OUR date, get your arse down here'.

She just goes on and on and on at him.

Does my head in.

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

Do not diss yourself for the dumping.
Two weeks to get over it? I’d have dumped him for you. Sober.

For me, two hours to realise what was wrong with a very new boyfriend. He’d shaved his eyebrows off for a bet. And was sat there bottom lip a quiver.

He looked like something growing from a rock on a planet on the original Star Trek.

I think he was upset when I dumped him but didn’t cry like Cam.

And there was no text. Dumped by papyrus. Textbook.

[TitsInAbsentia]

😂 😂 😂 😂 You are on full steam tonight!

Just one of my Shelds highlights
"Marfa friend saying I miss your face. Melt a yoghurt pot under the grill then. Tadaaaaaaaa"

[HagenDaz]

I think you’re right about Heidi enjoying the drama of her misery. Did the tall ship actually go out to sea? If not, the boat would be gently rocking as it sailed around the harbour. What a way to enjoy the view and the magnificent lights. Mike is self-centres and lacks any awareness of anyone else’s needs other than his own. Heidi needs to laugh it off and tell him he’s being a knob and to actually tell him what she wants.

Jessika “Do you love me?” Oops.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell you have me proper howling laughing in bed, like a loon!!

As for the shit tattoo of Daaaaan's kid, it's just SO WRONG! My husband said shall I get my two tattooed on each level (he wishes he has pecs but never mind). His boys are teens. (Not my kids). I was like if you ever want to have sex with my again, I really wouldn't do that.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

On each PEC! Level?! Where did that come from?!

[olympicsrock]

I’ve found my people. I LOVE MAFS. Normally Heidi’s wingeing drives me bonkers but actually Mike was bloody selfish on the last date.
I don’t think they should prolong the agony .
Mark and Ning have missed the boat and Michael should wake up ans smell the roses . She’s a fake bitch!
Loved that tree house too.
Can’t wait for the next dinner party!

[runningpink]

What does the tattoo on Jess’s shoulder actually say? Been meaning to ask. Looks so random

[Benjispruce2]

OP Bravo! Proper funny.

[MyNameForToday1980]

@runningpink

It says

Never a mistake. Always a lesson.

Which is what Dan said to her re: his behaviour in yesterday's episode.

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

Probably ‘My moral compass lives that way’ with on a little arrow pointing to her harris.

I’ve tried to make it out and I cannot.

Maybe her dad or brother inked her when they were minced?

Or ‘in case of unconsciousness, 3pints today please’.

Not milk.

Filler.

[Benjispruce2]

Seeing the clip for tonight, has confirmed that InstaJ is definitely suffering from some daddy/abandonment issues. Asking Desperate Dan if he loves her!!!! Funny but really misjudged. I hope the ixperts get her some help.
OP the melted yoghurt pot was inspired. I keep giggling.