TOWIE

[FullOnMonet1975]

I've recorded last nights to watch later in the week but just wanted to see people's thoughts on the new series.

Found the last couple of series abit boring. The same people having the same arguments 😴

Wandering wether to stop watching.

Just watched last Sunday's episode. Who'd have thought I'd be so glad to see the return of Lockie and Yaz and Amber. I can hardly tell the young ones apart. Has bobby had a stubble tattoo?

Surely not sagrada surely not ...

I though that about a stubble tattoo ooooooh but I saw a lass on my way to work who had the same stripes. Very very thick contouring. Pebble dashed with midgies.

The jury is oot.

Though not about the new ones. All the contrived drama and glances to the camera...

#stageschoolfail

I know adult acne is awful but frankly I'd be more worried as to where the other half of my nose had gone.

p.s. deadwife I loved your summary

Aw Numbers I blush,

I can't get skeletor out of my head now, once you see it you can't unsee it

I thought robot Dan was about to short circuit as he repeated his stock apology lines to Amber with ever increasing speed.

Why is Chloe still going on like she was in a big relationship with dan? From what I can make out, he was just having sex with her. The relationship is all in her head. Now know why he did want to actually go out with her, he didn't want it getting back to Amber. He's a first class rat.

Yep, he hit n quit. We all knew he was just going to string her along but didn't think he was still stringing along Amber as well.
He had conversations with both of them but he managed to say nothing whilst bleating on about something. Or did I just tune out? Maybe he says it best when he says nothing at all 🎼

Amber is such a pudding face and is the one that has stuck around to be treated like shit for so long. I have very little sympathy for her.

The young ones are getting slightly more interesting now with their screamy rows

I loved one of the shouty new Chloes last night shrieking 'Shaaaaadap, you're a bitch, get loooost. Shaaaadap'.

Makes a refreshing change from Chloe the Elder's self-indulgent analysis of her holiday hookup as though it was some kind of life altering relationship.

Oh gawd yeah, aren't the young ones horrid?! Excellent stuff

I'm starting to enjoy it again now. It just took a while to get going.

Ach I will have to watch it on Wednesday.

Mamagrim and her amplified romances are legend. ERY.

The from here to affrontery sand shuffle with Ell ring any bells?

What next?

Sleepless in Pinner?
The scent of a dental whitener?
Briefest encounter?
Fretty woman?
Twitanic?
Always my best friend's wedding never mine ?

My brain is numb. I hate shifts.

Dan's is easy. Gone in 60 seconds running for thems hills

Yaz glasses make her look like an owl. Far too big

Bobby pathetic bum fluff moustache

Amber is a mug

Chloe still bleating on about dan

Ans not sure what other Chloe problem with her friend of 7yrs

Plus gay boy joey? Piping up with some comment

What is the point of him

Least Harry and AMY were funny

Why do they call Dan 'one of the nicest people' ... he's a user and a player and the wettest ever ... I did quite like Chloe putting him down and telling him 'I'm glad breaking my heart helped you learn' ... he was so confused and couldn't work out if he'd been insulted or not 😂

He's dim.

To me that's the number one turn-off. Up there with excessive body odour or bad breath.

At some point, in a relationship, you'll have to have a conversation with them. Someone needs to warn the Chloe mafia. Oh no that's someone else - she wouldn't be out of place in Chelmsford though.

I'm watching on catch up and am so confused. Chloe S is older than me and acting as if she and Dan were married!!!?? What the actual fuck .. she can't actually think like that can she?!
Also why is everyone suprised. It's literally what Dan does. His mother must be so proud. 🙄

kmamma She literally behaves like this with everyone she's boffed on Towie.

It is quite alarming.

Dan is not just a sandwich short of a picnic.. He is just the sandwich. The rest of the picnic is missing.

Amber needs to never drop her drawers for Dan again. She deserves better.

All them lovely white wedding frocks and all that sludgy fake tan. Who has the Vanish?

La Sims lips look like those fake plastic things you used to get in lucky bags. Grim. And broke heart after a few boffs? No worries love. A squirt of fillers should do the trick.

That chuffin beard transplant. There will be a tv programme about it. 'When beards go bad' or similar.

That new Chlo is a bigger pain in the arse than a ham fisted proctologist. All that wailing and nary a tear.

Leave it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaht.

That new Chlo is ugleeeeeee inside and aaaaaaaaaht. Swanning about like a pouty version of Norma bastard Desmond. Your ma needs to have a word with herself. And then have a word with you. Nowt to be proud of.

Sambrow's ma didn't rip him a big enough hole. Sleazeh. If Shelby goes back there then she is thicker than Chlo's lips.

Speaking of her, Grimmy and Dod are morphing into bratz dolls. You know who your friends are? True friends would stop you butchering yourselves

I've seen baw bags with more beauty than my coupon but jesus, I still think I look better than this mannequin too close to a 3 bar fire form of 'beauty'.

Demi, you picked up lipstick instead of eyeliner. Whole new meaning to pink eye.

And an honest question. Why would you have a beard transplant and not have it reach the bottom of your face?

Good luck with your Bill though.

And may all the other bills in essex sound their approval if you get it through.

The bloody quacking would be deafening.

Some interesting 90's fashion on there tonight

Chloe B is one ugly crier (plus not a v genuine one). She still had time to look out the side of her eye to check she still had Harry's attention and flick her hair while crying 😉

Gemma was back briefly

Demi is weird and her make up

Younger Chloe fake lips - would love to see what looks like at 40. Think she’s 18/19 now

Old Chloe - still can’t get over her teeth. Been years now but reminds me of Cheshire Cat

And good for Diaz who had to say - told you so

I think Chloe S needs to ditch the show. She's way older than the rest and she's acting like a teenager. I'm not sure how old her daughter is now but I feel for her. What must her friends mums think.

But how would they pay for all the 'upkeep' of the coupon?

What a hideously ungrateful bint Mamagrim is.

Not only did she not endorse the GC shop lippy flipflop which are clearly a nod to her to her gargantuan clappers ... but she is an arse to her mates.

Pirateypetey does a nice thing and she whines and belittles him all the time. The stunt with the key would have got her her arse hoofed if she'd done that to me.

The little petey stuff is nasty not bantz. How would she like it?

What's that you are saying Skeletor?
Mind and not eat the baby goat with them great big walloping teeth.
I'm not into spiritual Chopsy.

It would get wearing no?

Love that some guys take her to 'nature'. They should know by now she doesn't do nature. Which is evident by her face.

Not being nasty - it is just bantz eh?

Liked the idea of the photoshoot. No make up no filters. Great. Shame about some of the surgery and injectables. Not quite au naturel/keeping it real.

Gutsby is a grim little mink. Disgusting manners.

That new Chlo is a piece of work. Too camera aware too.

Sambrow getting all gangstaspeak wiv da young guns. Saddo.

Hark at me being all relevant.

Dan isn't a keeper for anyone. He's an 'empty vase' :nice to look at, nothing in it. He's a boy not a man. Chloe should have stayed with Elliott. He had more about him. Did he say they split as she just wanted to party all the time? Can't remember. It's not grabbing me now: too many forgettable newbies.