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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Male babysitter for 14yr old DD & 4yr old DD.

131 replies

Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 12:36

My DH and my 3 boys are going to see a play tonight in London. We usually wouldn't have a problem with leaving our sensible 14yr old in charge and she has looked after her younger siblings and special needs older brother before without any issues. However, as we won't be back until about 12am as the play is at 8, I have booked a babysitter who we know vaguely. He is a 17yr old male who's mum is friends with one of my close friends. My DH thinks this is a bad idea and they should only be looked after by a female and someone over 18. Is he being unreasonable?
Hmm

OP posts:
HuckfromScandal · 23/09/2016 12:38

He is being entirely unreasonable if he is issue is that he is male!!!

My 15 yr old son will make a flipping marvellous babysitter in a couple of years.
But I am worried about people having attitudes like your dh's about it.

blueskyinmarch · 23/09/2016 12:42

Yes he is being hugely unreasonable. What a horrible attitude to have.

Seeline · 23/09/2016 12:42

Is your DD happy to have a babysitter if she doesn't normally?
Personally I wouldn't have thought a baby sitter only 3 years older would be ideal - too close in age. Is she really going to seem him as the mature, responsible person in charge, or just someone to muck about with?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 23/09/2016 12:42

My DH used to babysit as a teen, he was a good lad, sensible and had experience with DC as he often had his niece round MIL's when his Dsis was at work. I don't see what the problem is Confused

Traalaa · 23/09/2016 12:43

Why on earth shouldn't a 17 year old male babysit?! We used a friend of a friend's son who was 17. We were gutted when he got his grades and buggered off to University!

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 12:49

My son only tends to babysit for his younger siblings and cousins now as he has had a bad experience with babysitting a 10yr old & 11yr old girl as the girls. The 10yr old fell over on the hard oak floor and my son picked her up as she had really hurt herself as she was skipping or running as fell over. The 11yr old said something to the father and he accused my son of being inappropiate and wouldn't explain why. My DH was really upset as he hadn't done anything wrong but try to help the little girl. He's so good with kids and its a shame that boys are all given a label because of people attitudes. DH doesn't even know who this boy is for goodness sake. I hope your son doesn't have an experience like we had. I'm sure not everyone has the same attuitude, I doubt we will have any problems this evening but DH seems to think otherwise. Sad

OP posts:
winnybella · 23/09/2016 12:50

17 yo to babysit a 14yo? Grin
Does she go to bed early on weekends?

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 12:51

She doesn't seem to mind, I don't want to leave her late at night especially with my 4yr old. He seems very sensible and I doubt she'd mess around with him at all. We couldn't find anyone else with such short notice and he seemed happy enough to come.

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BertrandRussell · 23/09/2016 12:52

I have to say, if I was the 14 year old, I would be pretty pissed off with having a babysitter only 3 years older. If you want an adult present, then that's one thing. But another teenager? Can't see why......

TheOnlyColditz · 23/09/2016 12:53

I had a seventeen year old boyfriend at 14 so absolutely no way would I do this. It's not the gender, it's the age gap. Could you palm the 14 year old off on a sleepover and then the babysitter won't be a problem?

winnybella · 23/09/2016 12:54

I've no issue with a babysitter being male, just don't understand why would you want one with a 14yo in the house. I can imagine my 14yo DS's face if I got him and DD (7) a teenage babysitter. Or any babysitter, tbh.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 12:54

We are leaving at 7 and won't be back until midnight/1am. She goes to bed at 10pm and my 4yr old goes at 8pm on weekends. I don't feel comfortable leaving her for 4/5 hours especially with the responsibility of looking after her sister.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 12:55

My son is 17 and leaves for uni next year and we will lose our best freebie babysitter 😂

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AnyFucker · 23/09/2016 12:55

Nothing against the 17yo lad but I would find it a bit odd that there is only 3 years between him and your teenage daughter.

If he was just babysitting the 4yo I wouldn't see the issue but a 14yo girl doesn't need "babysitting" by someone who is virtually a peer.

I can understand your husband's discomfort. Perhaps he remembers what it's like to be a 17yo boy in a free house with a teenage girl ? Hmm Don't we usually get up in arms about just this scenario ?

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 12:57

Simply because it's late and I don't feel comfortable with leaving them both alone during the evening/night.
She usually watches the kids in the afternoon or early evening. I've never left her in charge past 8pm.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 13:00

I suppose so but she is going to be there aswell, to be honest she will probably just stay in her room. We need him to keep an eye on her but mainly to put my youngest DD to bed. Am I the only one who doesnt want to leave my 14yr old in charge?Confused

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Seeline · 23/09/2016 13:02

At what age did your 17yo start babysitting his siblings?
As long as your DD has a phone, and is happy I would have thought she would be fine. Couldn't the 4yo go to bed a bit earlier for once - she wouldn't really know would she?

AnyFucker · 23/09/2016 13:03

it's ok to not want your 14yo to be in charge so late at night but to add in a 17yo teenage boy and think it improves the situation seems a bit strange

mind you, I don't think 17yo's are adults

the addition of someone who is not the same age range as your 14yo is the key

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 13:04

She's not got a ton of friends only 2/3. I have asked her if she wanted to go round her friends house as it would be boring as he's just there for her sister really but she didn't seem to want to go to her friend's house. I'm almost certain she's got a boyfriend at school but nothing serious yet luckily. I would let her go out with a 17yr old though, it's a big developmental age gap.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 13:07

He started at 15 to look after DD and the youngest two (2 & 3 at the the time).
He was 16 when he started to babysit my special needs son.
It's just a thing for me that I don't want them to be alone for so long in the evening. Maybe, I am just being overprotective and she is old enough.

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AnyFucker · 23/09/2016 13:08

I am a bit confused.

How many children do you have ?

greenfolder · 23/09/2016 13:09

seems fine to me. I would have, and did, leave 4 year old dd with her 14 year old sister. but you know your kids best and if it means you can go and enjoy yourself then crack on.
would have no problem with 17 year old boy but I would want to know him. 4 yo will probably want her sister to put her to bed.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 13:09

I would of tried to find someone 18+ but we left finding a babysitter until last minute. She doesn't know the 17yr old so I don't think she'd want to mess around with him.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 13:11

5, but no before anyone asks. We are a middle class famliy, we don't use any benefits and we both work.
I have two daughters and three sons.

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AnyFucker · 23/09/2016 13:13

what has benefits got to do with this ? Confused

the reason I am asking is to see where your other kids will be on that evening