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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Male babysitter for 14yr old DD & 4yr old DD.

131 replies

Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 12:36

My DH and my 3 boys are going to see a play tonight in London. We usually wouldn't have a problem with leaving our sensible 14yr old in charge and she has looked after her younger siblings and special needs older brother before without any issues. However, as we won't be back until about 12am as the play is at 8, I have booked a babysitter who we know vaguely. He is a 17yr old male who's mum is friends with one of my close friends. My DH thinks this is a bad idea and they should only be looked after by a female and someone over 18. Is he being unreasonable?
Hmm

OP posts:
Cindy34 · 23/09/2016 13:53

When in my late teens (so probably 18/19) I cared for a teenager (14/15) and his younger sibling. It was sold to the teenager in such a way that I was responsible for their sibling, not them so they could then do what they liked within reason.

Your DD does not have an issue with having someone not much different in age coming to care for her younger sibling.

Does gender come in to it? No, if the babysitter was female they may show your teenage DD lesbian movies and suggest they copy! There is always risk, which is why you check references, rely on a friends recommendation.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 13:54

That's a good idea for the future of her friend would be allowed.

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mycatstares · 23/09/2016 13:56

Sorry but when I was 14 me and my friends fancied every older guy we ever came across!! You must realize it's the fact his older is what usually causes attraction with teenage girls surely?

OlennasWimple · 23/09/2016 13:59

it's not too late to get out of it, if you want to: you apologise to the babysitter that things have changed, and you give him some money to compensate.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 14:00

I understand thay but I don't get how that would concern a 17yr old boy, if a young teen had a crush on him. She'd be to shy to even speak to him most likely.

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Cindy34 · 23/09/2016 14:02

Leaving a 14 year old home alone, plus with caring responsibilities, for 5 hours possibly more, at night... I can fully see why you would not want to do that. So having someone be the responsible adult is a good idea... your babysitter is a young adult and you need to trust them to be that adult.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 14:03

Thank you, this is my view on it to I think. :)

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titchy · 23/09/2016 14:11

Considering she's 14 and he's nearly 18 I very much doubt she'd fancy him
Snort - that's the main attraction isn't it when you're 14!!!

Why don't you just use the Sitters agency? They're nationwide.

foursillybeans · 23/09/2016 14:12

I am honestly not sure what I would do in your situation. I would not leave my DD 14 in charge that late. But I don't think I would get a 17 old boy to babysit either. Rock and a hard place comes to mind. If your DD hasn't kicked up a fuss and doesn't want to go to a friend's house could it be that she already has a crush? Just a thought.

foursillybeans · 23/09/2016 14:13

At 14 I was completely head over heels for a 17/18 yo in the upper sixth form. Completely smitten.

foursillybeans · 23/09/2016 14:13

And I didn't know him at all. I just saw him and then that was it.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 14:16

She's doesn't know him.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 14:17

I did but when I was in Y7 and it was a popular Y10 boy 😂

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TheOnlyColditz · 23/09/2016 14:42

Look you've had your answer, but you'll do what's best I'm sure.

Just bear in mind that, at fourteen, if my mother had turned up with a seventeen year old boy and a near-empty house, I'd have thought it was an early Christmas mad present. There is literally nothing more attractive to a fourteen year old girl.

Somerville · 23/09/2016 14:43

When I was 15 I had an 18 YO maths tutor. We lived on an army base and my dad was his dad's CO. It didn't stop quite of bit of snogging. Just sayin'...

Meadows76 · 23/09/2016 14:47

The bit where you said you 'know (the seventeen year old) VAGUELY' should be enough to make you realise that this is not a good idea. It doesn't matter what gender they are but if you don't know them well why on earth would you even consider leaving them with your children???

Backingvocals · 23/09/2016 14:52

I was contemplating a manny for my DD (10) and DS (7). I did a straw poll of my friends and they all categorically said no way would they do it. I've decided, reluctantly, against it.

I think there's the MN answer and then there's what people actually think. I agree it's horrible to think like this. But it seems lots of people would not take the risk and so I've come to that conclusion myself.

Plus yes they are too close in age.

BertrandRussell · 23/09/2016 15:14

I can't decide which I find most outrageous- the term "manny" or the assumption that a man cannot be trusted with children. Presumably anyone you employ as a nanny would be properly qualified?

titchy · 23/09/2016 15:16

Gosh Backingvocals did you actually read the thread? The issue for the vast majority wasn't the fact that he's male, it's the fact that he is so close in age he would be considered, probably by himself and the 14 yo, to be a peer.

A 17 year old boy babysitting a pre-pubescent girl is absolutely fine!

GetMeOut · 23/09/2016 15:17

This seems to be sanctioning that kind of unsupervised activity which you might wish to restrict not too far down the line ....,
I cannot imagine bringing a teen ( male ) that is unknown into my house when I am not going to be there...
( and I had a male nanny when children were pre teen).
It 's the teen aspect now that is the difference. Even if you trust them both it could just be a mortifying experience for a girl. ( as in having a male that you don't know in your house )

NattyTile · 23/09/2016 15:25

From when I was 15, I babysat friends' children regularly, and my own younger siblings.

But, I asked to stop sitting for my siblings as I didn't like being put in charge of them on a regular basis. My parents hired a local sixth former, so just a couple of years older than me.

Worked brilliantly; my siblings had someone else to boss them, and I had no responsibilities for them.

I'd assume this was similar; not that the 17 year old is babysitting the 14 year old, but that they are sitting for the 4 year old and the 14 year old happens to be there too.

Sex of the sitter would be irrelevant to me unless it was important to my children (I have a child who is totally unfussed, and another who does not want someone male providing personal care. I respect that).

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 15:48

I trust my friend and if she says that this boy is sensible and a nice boy, why shouldn't I trust her?

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 15:49

I'm not an awful mother, I would never leave my children with someone who could cause them harm.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 23/09/2016 15:53

Glad you think it's ok.

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JustDanceAddict · 23/09/2016 15:57

I take it the sitter is really for the younger kid & not the teen. I'd prob farm out the teen and get the 17 year old for the younger ones.